We are really struggling with how best to manage our kids’ use of their cellphones. Our issue is not so much a financial concern, or a worry about how quickly they are burning through whatever data/usage is allowed by our plan, but rather, the inordinate amount of time they spend on the phones. It is just so intrusive! We are tired of arguing about it, reminding them them household chores and homework are to come before snapchat, instagram, et al. I talked with someone at the phone store yesterday about the “Smart Limits” plan, and I am wondering if anyone in the CC would care to comment as to how its worked (or not) for them.
Timely thread for us…we managed it by not getting one for our son yet, but he enters high school next year and he will need to have one for many reasons. I see so many other kids spending so much time on their phone that I hate to think of the amount of time wasted soon.
I have verizon family base, so that I limit number of text messages, and I turn off all data and text after 10:30pm
I have my wifi turn off kids’ access between 10:30pm and 6:30am.
Other than that I leave them alone. Only if they maintain their current scores.
Our kids had cellphones before we did! Our son, a few years older than his sister, never had a cellphone in high school. But when we went to college he got his own phone, which we paid for, but since his graduation and now several years into his working life, he’s totally on his own. He’s extremely connected electronically but I don’t get the sense that he’s “emotionally involved” with his phone.
Our daughter, several years post-graduation, is still on our “family plan” and we pay for her cell. That will probably stop in a year or two as her income and job status continue to allow her to pay for her own. At times she has overused the phone in particular when she’s not connected via internet. But we’re modern parents and she’s an adult. She can use her phone as much as she wishes to, but pretty soon she’ll be paying for it.
How about putting them on a prepaid plan with a high speed data limit that you believe is appropriate?
It may help to vocalize your decisions about your own use. For example saying out loud: ''I am putting my phone in my purse because I have to do yard work." The kids may not realize that you are making choices rather than being boring.
When you are driving and a call comes in, “I need to pull over so that I can call Dad back.” or "I’m driving. Can you see if that is Dad and if so, ask what he needs? "
My brother is checking his phone constantly. It gets me mad because it seems so rude. We rarely get together as a family. He is not waiting for a kidney transplant or a call from the president. Put the phone down. Be present!
Kids go through phases with phones. Both of ours did. Our older one was sending/receiving over 5000 messages per month. That only lasted a for a few months until he dual-enrolled and had no more free time. The younger one is much more judicious and only uses his phone appropriately. He ignores it when studying or driving and shuts it off during the school day. If it becomes a problem and is affecting school and chores, shut off their data or swap their smartphones with a flip phone until they reform.
The only thing I have done in terms of limitations for my kids (almost 15 and 17) is have them put their phones on my bedside table when they go to bed.
It’s not so much them, it’s their friends who text/Snapchat literally all night - I see the notifications when I get up. For a while my oldest wasn’t getting a lot of sleep because she felt compelled to keep answering her phone (yeah, I know …).
I feel they are both pretty good when it comes to cell phone usage. It’s the way they communicate, get help with homework, etc. No grades have slipped, thankfully.
My kids (ages 13 & 16) use theirs appropriately. It’s pretty simple for me to get them to put them down. All I need to do is to spend time doing things with them. That gets us all to put our phones down. My kids jump at the chance to play a board/card game instead and don’t complain too much about doing chores together.
I would probably never limit texting numbers. From what I’ve seen, kids can end up left out of some valuable conversations in my kids’ friend groups. Texting is how they help each other with homework, plan study group meetings and even review for exams. My d19 has a couple of friends with limited texts and they don’t get to be part of some worthwhile text conversations. Maybe if my kids weren’t capable of self moderation, I would think differently.
Really helpful to see how others are dealing with this issue! We regret that we weren’t more pro-active about this when the phones were first introduced. It is our oldest child (18DD) who presents us with the problem, I’m sorry to say. She feels that because she maintains good grades and works, that we should have no issue one way or the other. That might be our view if she weren’t spending nearly ALL of her time at home on her phone, but that is in fact the reality. Our younger daughter seems to a better job of managing her use on her own, and our 12 year old son isn’t particularly attached to his phone (yet).Sigh…
Homework time is the same as being at a job. Most workplaces limit personal calls and would frown at constant cell use. If she gets in the habit of turning it OFF while studying, it will benefit her in college.
Back in the day, we bought prepaid phones for our HS kids and H. It had $100 worth 1000 minutes and/or texts, for the year. Anything more was on them. Later when they were in college, we finally bought a family plan and eventually smart phones, the iphone5.
We have T-Mobile because there are no overage charges for excess data, they just slow your speed. We were paying $100 + tax for 4 lines. S wanted more data, so for a price, he increased his data and is paying the monthly bill for all of us.
18 year olds often begin to distance themselves from family activity. It may not be the cellphone.
I know of a few parents of current middle/high schoolers who’d still confiscate the phone and deactivate the plan for a period to get their kids to not spent all their waking hours on the phone when home, due to failing/poor grades, or being found to be rude by relatives and sometimes yes, even afterschool/part-time employers because they’re glued to their phone.
While this was more common in the early years of cellphones/smartphones, such parents are considered unusually strict nowadays.
And some work places such as some I’ve worked at prohibit the presence of personal cell phones, computers, or other electronics in the actual workspace for security reasons. At such places, you’d literally have to check your personal cellphone/laptop/electronics in before going to the workspace area and not have access to them unless one goes out of the building for breaks/heading home for the day.
Also, there’s the possibility one may work in areas with near/totally non-existent cell receptivity. An ex-GF worked a few levels below ground level so she could only answer texts/voicemail when she comes up for lunch/infrequent breaks. And she works 12 hour shifts which is sometimes extended as needed.
I would recommend a tracfone. It is a prepaid phone where you purchase minutes, data, and text. Some of the phones come with triple minutes, data, text every time you reload the phone. You will no longer get monthly bills and you add minutes as needed.
https://www.hsn.com/products/samsung-galaxy-grand-prime-5-tracfone-w1350-minutes/8350327
Really. at 18. you are SOL, your kid is a good student, and has a job? Call that winning. No phone at the dinner table, sure. But otherwise, this is going to be something she works out as she becomes an adult. If you can’t bear it, take it away. You know though, that isn’t an option. At 18 , she could pay her own way. My own kids have unlimited everything and it is less than $40 a month. At 18, this is what you want to micromanage?
@Sybylla lol, thanks for the pushback. I’m sure that part (or a lot) of my concern has to do with the sadness and occasional irritation we feel at seeing our DD pull away from us a bit. Though I am well aware, intellectually, that this is exactly what is meant to be happening at this point in the game, it’s still kind of a bummer. Though our kids would never dream of bringing their phones to the dinner table, it is not unusual that we get major eye rolls if ever we mention that we’d like to see them put the phone away for a bit and attend to other things at hand.
@raclut I appreciate the suggestion - can’t go in that direction, unfortunately, as our youngest’s glucose monitor transmits its readings through our iPhones, and it’s important that we’re all able to access them.
@wellspring you make a great point, and I am going to keep this in mind, for sure. I guess I just have this worry that we will send her to college ill equipped to actually notice/engage with all that is around her, because she is so totally immersed in her phone, lol.
The few comments about the limits on cellphone use in the workplace are interesting. I found myself shocked at the Loft clothing store the other day, when the young woman who was processing my purchase started checking her phone in the middle of the transaction!! She seemed bored in the time it took for my credit card to be approved.
My H couldn’t bring any phone onto his work premises, so he just had a dumb phone he left in his car until he retired. We got the iPhones when he retired in 2012 and started buying data from then.
He mostly just called on his way home, if it looked like bad traffic to let me know when to expect him. He barely used a few hundred minutes a year. The kids dislike talking on any phones and mostly text nowadays.
Trust and conversation. Son, now 16, has had cell phone since summer after third grade due to having diabetes (his day camp program at the time had no nurse, so he could call us to discuss his treatment decisions). His cell phone use is reasonable and in no way obsessive or overly expensive. But if it were, we would talk to him about it and then trust him to adjust his behavior and do the right thing. Honest, open conversation is best-- and allows the child to learn about financial realities and about good decision making.