<p>I have this text message programmed into my phone and use it when something comes up that I want to tell him about or I have a question: “Please call when you can; NOT urgent.”</p>
<p>He always calls back. And I don’t overuse it.</p>
<p>doame–same here, I call myself my son’s “Executive Assistant.” I comfort myself in the knowledge that there will always be someone around who loves to tell everyone “don’t forget XYZ is due today–I already did mine!” Or a helpful RA. I always thought this would be a girl, but with your post, I guess not! Better not let our 2 get together!</p>
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<p>I didn’t know people in the last eighteen years were still ironing clothes… I have never had anything ironed in my life!</p>
<p>The only ironing I do is autumn leaves inside sheets of waxed paper. I’m sure my son never irons his clothes. But we do communicate every Sunday afternoon/evening. And lots of little e-mail messages. I think boys don’t usually phone home as much as girls.</p>
<p>Why would you hope a kid can iron? My son CAN but he does so horribly. If he is as charming as he appears, if he does need something ironed, he can probably beg it from someone who can. But from experience, I can barely get him to take something off to be ironed even when I am volunteering to do the ironing!! As it is, we hang up almost everything except for socks, shorts and underwear. I am wondering how much closet space he’ll have!!!</p>
<p>Laundry, ironing, etc: They adjust and adapt. They really do. The rub is that they don’t necessarily do it the way we would!</p>
<p>Letting go is hard work but you are so not alone in this. I found this forum and looking at the college web site were a useful way to direct my longing for information/connection when it wasn’t forthcoming. I also found that once I had been to parents weekend and seen more of the details of campus life so that I could “picture” his day better, it was much easier. There just is a real jolt going from knowing so much about their daily life to knowing nothing and trusting that all is well. But they really are designed and primed to learn how to manage it all at this stage. And they do need to make mistakes and recover from them on their own. And they do look out for each other. As hard as it is, I also recommend waiting for them to call on their time and then putting on the duct tape so you do not ask “too many” questions. Boys are particularly sphinx like the freshman year; then it gets nominally better. By junior year mine was actually writing letters sometimes!</p>
<p>PS: I also can’t picture boys ironing. They either go wrinkled or ask a willing female to rescue them.</p>
<p>Letting go is tough in part because we think they need us and in part because we want them to need us. I went to a hypnotherapist last week to try to address my insomnia. Ever since my D was born 20 years ago, I have been a light sleeper. Because of problems she had over the past two years while at school across the country, I slept even worse and habitually woke up East coast time. (Things have been much better the past four months.) The lack of sleep was getting to me as was the falling asleep at 8 at night (although only for a few hours).</p>
<p>In speaking with the hypnotherapist, we both realized that I did not feel it was “safe” for me to sleep. (I might be needed.) We spoke a lot about “letting go.” He did an interesting exercise with me. He had me visualize a rope that connected my D and me. He said he could be connecting our heads, our hands or our hearts. Mine was clearly at the heart, as my heart hurt even as we spoke. He then had me visualize pulling out the rope and giving it lots of slack such that it pooled on the floor. What I realized was that while the rope was lengthening and pooling between us, my D and I were no further apart. Providing her the needed slack in the rope did not mean she would float or pull away. We stayed close because we wanted to be. Also, I realized it was not about cutting the connection, only about giving her room.</p>
<p>I hope this post does not sound silly because, in many ways, it was a profound experience for me and, actually, much more satisfying than many hours with “shrinks”! (As for the insomnia, 2 of the last 3 nights have been somewhat better. I have lost the 2:30 AM wakeup, which helps, and can stay in bed a bit longer in the morning.)</p>
<p>mmah- One cure for boys and their unironed, wrinkled selves: Internships. Our son actually purchased an ironing board last summer. :eek:</p>
<p>^heh, my kid just interns at a computer company where he doesn’t need to wear shirts with buttons! </p>
<p>Funny story about irons, I had a friend in Germany whose boyfriend just ironed collars and cuffs and wore sweaters. One day it got unusually hot, but he couldn’t remove his sweater… Other guys I know never iron - they just have their shirts washed and ironed by the cleaners. My biologist husband just wears his shirts slightly wrinkly, though if they are really bad (ie I didn’t get them out of the dryer in a timely matter) I have been known to do a little ironing.</p>
<p>My name is Mafool and I iron. :)</p>
<p>My D has learned how to buy clothes that are machine washable and need little or no ironing. I dont iron her things now and she looks fine.</p>
<p>My freshman did a bit of a pendulum swing: when she first left home last fall, she held us at arm’s length. After 6 weeks or so, when I think she had proven to herself that she didn’t “need” to talk to me every day, she eased back in to almost daily texting or calling. Probably 30% practical calls about travel, reviewing the resume, health insurance, etc., and the rest just to share news, panic during first finals week, and what we call “Seinfelding” where you call someone to kill time during a walk across campus. </p>
<p>One thing I’ve noticed among my friends with kids in college: when the cell phone rings, and it’s the kid, this takes priority, even during another call, dinner, etc. I admit, I can’t ignore her call…</p>
<p>riverrunner, my boss never hesitates to pick up his phone if one of his kids calls him during a meeting. Calls from investors, OTOH, go to voice mail. My D went through the same transition - no contact for a month or so, them little casual texts and calls started to pour in. She is a big girl, and therefore I do not parent her, I give her life tips :)</p>
<p>(If someone wants a shirt that is truly no-iron, the iron-free Nordstrom shirts (the ones with a little “N” and a sailboat logo) come ut of the dryer looking like they’ve been freshly ironed. The main trick is to take them out as soon as the dryer stops. I do iron some clothes, but I will never, ever iron sheets and pillowcases like my mother used to do)</p>
<p>RE52–thank you for sharing, I like the image of a longer rope. I too do not rest easy unless I know my DS is sleeping, too. It will be interesting to see what the Fall brings when he’s gone.</p>
<p>Confession: this year will by our son’s 4th and final at university, and I still sleep best on those infrequent nights when he is down the hall, asleep in “his” room. Husband? check. Son? check. Dog? check. sigh.</p>
<p>“try to figure out how to iron”</p>
<p>That’s why they make Downy Wrinkle-Free ;)</p>
<p>I am also the happiest when everyone is under one roof. D1 is leaving for Sydney in few weeks. I am wondering how long my rope will need to be.</p>
<p>We do a lot of ironing in our house, and I am quite good at it. We do iron sheets, not going to lie.</p>
<p>S1 lived at home and went to college so it didn’t seem to be a problem, although he was not highly communicative anyway. </p>
<p>I used to have some interesting chats with S2 and really went through withdrawal when he went halfway across country to school. </p>
<p>E-mail: he doesn’t answer ever
Text: he will answer a direct question (often with “K”).
Skype: we haven’t tried that yet.
Phone calls: he will sometimes answer sometimes not. It’s a problem because, although we have his class schedule, and are careful not to call during class times, he is a musician and often has rehearsals, lessons, and practice time that we also don’t want to interrupt or they are in basement rooms with no cell reception. Not to mention studying! </p>
<p>Two things that have worked for us: 1) we text him to call us. That has always elicited a call that same day when he is free. 2) we visited (me twice by myself, H&I once together). I told him he didn’t have to entertain me, but often he chose to stay at the hotel with me, eat meals together, and shop (since he didn’t have a car). I was introduced to his friends, and it worked out pretty well. He seemed to enjoy having me/us around.</p>