How true, jym626. I didn’t have long phone conversations with my ILs, but if I answered the phone when they called, we’d chat for a few minutes. We also call S1, who occasionally puts his phone on speaker so we can also talk to DIL, like when they announced they were expecting, but most of the time we only talk to him. We’ll sometimes have a group email, but, even then, she’ll likely just receive the email but let S1 respond.
I’m not there yet, but one thing I’ve learned from DS having GF’s, is never criticize the GF to them. They get very defensive and it might get back. Thankfully they’ve broken up and I’ve learned my lesson.
Though it can be true in individual circumstances, generally speaking, I think that saying is hogwash. It certainly isn’t true in my experience, in my own family and among our friends.
Always remember (especially with technology) that you D or S - inlaw also has a phone/email, etc. They can surely reach out and text YOU as well! It’s not one sided!
I have an amazing MIL. She is just a source of warmth, support, love & approval. She has a busy, interesting, happy life. We can’t get enough & love to spend time with her. My own mom? Criticism, guilt trips, self-pity. No friends or hobbies - lashes out at us when she is in a bad mood. We spend a bare minimum of time with her.
One of our s’s tends to be a bit better than the other about just picking up the phone and calling. The other is great about responding to a text (better than email) but is somewhat less inclined to spontaneously call. Different kids. Both are boys. Girls tend to be better about calling, from what I hear.
Had a lovely telephone conversation with new fiancée’s mom the other day. She seems delightful (DH has met her a few times recently on trips. I only did very briefly many years ago). Her ex H ( fiancées dad) is essentially out of the picture and sounds like a perfectly awful person. It so it might be sweet if she (fiancée) ends up feeling close to my DH. Not sure what they will do re: inviting fiancee’s dad to the wedding. Her sister is also engaged and refuses to invite him to her wedding. So sad. So my s will have a nice MIL but an absent and dreadful FIL. Hopefully he won’t cause them trouble. So sad.
Fortunately other s’s inlaws are wonderful people.
My MIL and FIL were the example of what not to be - they never liked me and trying to hide it only made it worse. Now that my FIL is gone and my MIL is dependent on my H, she says nice things, but I know what she thinks. They have had an oversized impact on our lives because of a family business and geographical proximity, but I think my H would say he got the better part of the deal with my parents. My eldest S is engaged and I just want to be the type of MIL I always wanted. I get along really well with my FDIL and am very close to my S. Her parents are divorced and she is very close to her mom and not so close with her dad. I think she sees my H as a parental figure in all the most wonderful ways, so I hope the relationship continues to grow and thrive.
We found Google Hangouts is a good way to talk to both people. S1 will talk a lot more if there’s a visual vs. just talking on the phone. Email? Neither of mine will reply to that.
Gonna be great and completely hands-off like our parents were–wedding is tomorrow! I have 7 kids so I don’t have time to get overly invoved with my oldest who lives thousands of miles away. His bride seems to fit in well with our family. I’ve only met her twice with lots of other people around, but I predict smooth sailing. I expect them to be more invoved with her parents since she is an only daughter and her one brother is a priest (i.e. she is an only child for holidays). I am not the jealous type. H and I didn’t live near our relatives, so a more distant relationship with occasional visits is what we’re used to.
@atomom Congrats! Hope all goes well