How do you tell the difference?

[emeraldkity4]

<p>Between anxiety and heart issues?</p>

<p>My H has always been very high strung- he angers easily- holds a lot in, in situations where he could let it out and lets it out in inappropriate situations.</p>

<p>Ive learned ( or trying) not to take responsibilty for his stuff.
Anyway- lets just say- he has a overall high stress level.
But lately- he has become so stressed that losing or forgetting things is becoming much more common and because he learned a long time ago, that what happens to us isn’t our fault :rolleyes: he thinks someone is out to get him.
I really feel like he is setting himself up for some sort of cardiac event.
He doesn’t take care of himself, smokes, doesn’t exercise outside of work ( or intermittent activity), doesn’t ever relax & isn’t too interested in eating healthy either.
My point is that I remember when my grandfather had two heart attacks within a few years of each other, that my grandmother said ( I was kinda young to notice) that he had gotten much more irritable.</p>

<p>Since my H, is generally irritable anyway- I feel like when my younger daughter had ear infections, but since * she * was generally so gritchy at that time, ( plus she never ran a temp or pulled on her ears), it took me a long time to take her to the dr. ( plus she never took the medicine, she made herself throw it up- boy those were the days)- so I feel like is it just his mood- or is something wrong?</p>

<p>I guess what I am asking- should I just make an appt at the dr- tell the dr whats going on and tell him to go?
I think he would go if I did all that- but I have resisted- cause I have enough stuff on my plate without making his appts for him.
Then again, if he isnt capable- I feel I should.
</p>

[cnp55]

<p>EK … you need a (((hug)))</p>

<p>I am a strong believer in go with your gut. And if your gut says get him to the doc … do it.</p>

<p>I once had that strong feeling about my H and his heart … and I was right. He was having actual signs of a heart attack, refusing to acknowledge them, and when I said I wanted to take him to the ER right NOW … he said that he didn’t want to go to the ER to sit in the waiting room for 8 hours. He had to get to WORK. And all it was was that “greasy meatloaf” from dinner last night. </p>

<p>Well … long story short … he just about fell off the table when the doc said “MrCNP we think you are having a heart attack right NOW.” He was in the hospital for a few days, had a stent put in, and has been fine for the past five years. And he had no risk factors other than an older half brother that had had a heart attack at the same age – 48 – twelve years earlier.</p>

[teriwtt]

<p>emeraldkitty - only you can decide how far you are willing to go to with this. The old adage, you have to pick your battles, is appropriate here. Ask yourself, ‘if I do intervene, how will he respond?’ If you’re just that final kick in the butt he needed to address his health issues, then your answer is easy… do it. But if he hems and haws about going to a doctor, won’t be compliant with recommendations, etc., how will you respond? Will you continue to nag him, plead with him, revert to a parental role to him in order to get him to pay more attention to his health? Otherwise, you will need to be prepared to accept the consequences of his lifestyle choices. If you choose to set some boundaries and state how you feel, then you are off the hook for whatever happens as a result of his choices. This is hard, especially knowing that eventually, his health problems will probably impact your life if he ends up with health issues and requires a period of recovery or rehabilitation. But in the meantime, think about what it does to you to be the one person constantly worried about what he’s doing to himself. It tears at you until you are sacrificing your own health to deal with his.</p>

<p>I guess I’ve learned this lesson from the work I do with hospice. I see people non-compliant all the time with medical advice and realize the strain that non-compliance places on loved ones. Loved ones need to learn to set boundaries and realize their family members’ lifestyle is not their responsibility, and if their life ends earlier rather than later due to this, then it’s tragic for everyone. </p>

<p>Just curious… why wouldn’t he be capable of making appts.? Unless he’s unconscious, he should be doing this, unless he wants you to go with him and there’s a coordination of schedules invovled. When I became the keeper of the appts. when my kids were young, I realized I had no obligation to do this for my husband - he’s an adult, and needs to take ownership of his own health. Last winter, when he ruptured a disc in his back, I did go with him to meet my chiropractor, and drove him to subsequent appts. with neurosurgeons/MRIs, etc. But he made all the appts., and once he could drive comfortably, he did it himself.</p>

<p>I’m running into this with my college-aged daughters now - they want me to make their appts. when they’re home: dentist, dermatologist, gyne, etc. I told them both this break that it’s the last time I’m doing this - they need to learn how to handle the responsibilities of managing their own health. This also means I may not agree with how they handle it (delaying appts., not getting prescriptions refilled in a timely manner, etc.), but I feel they will be more empowered in the end if they take this responsibility on themselves.</p>

<p>Just a quick thought - while you might feel you need to speak with his doctor, don’t be surprised if his doctor doesn’t offer you any information in return, unless your husband explicitly approves it… I’m sure you’re aware of HIPAA guidelines preventing this.</p>

[mythmom]

<p>This is obviously something to discuss with a doctor. EKG is an easy test as is the treadmill test.</p>

<p>However, I wouldn’t necessarily link the irritability with heart problems, especially when your H has an irritable personality to begin with. </p>

<p>Aging itself also seems to make many people more irritable.</p>

<p>And psychological issues are implicated, too. Look at the book WALKING ON EGGSHELLS.</p>

<p>I also send hugs because this sounds like a lot to deal with.</p>

<p>I have my H doing a twelve-step program and he doesn’t have any of the addictions they usually address. However, he also needs to give up the need for control because it’s a social liability and is eroding his relationship with my daughter. My son is very tolerant and doesn’t seem to notice.</p>