It is possible to work while you are in grad school. My D was completely self supporting during her MM studies in a very high rent area.This was at her insistence not mine. No parental or student loans involved. She also paid for her own tuition. (Because of this she learned the fine art of applying for grants) Teaching and tutoring was also a big part of her income. And she did work hard to save money the year before grad school started. This was at her insistence as well. The point is—I could have given her money but she appreciated her financial independence BEFORE she finished her undergrad. So her independence as a grad student was a given.
Yes, but some grad students DO accept offers they in retrospect should NOT have, which will not provide adequate funding. Grad students is a very broad term and included unclassified students who have already gotten a BA or BS.
People subsidize their kids with real jobs. Subsidizing a grad student seems tame to me if it calls for.
I think most families who are able are happy to subsidize a person who is working or pursuing grad degree or doing something valued by the family.
The important thing is to have compatible expectations so the kid isn’t thinking caviar and exotic travel while parents are willing to buy PBJ and ramen, with maybe some camping to break up tedium. Kiddo can have the extravagances when s/he can afford them.
Yes, I have no problem with folks subsidizing their kid right through their graduate studies.In fact I had planned on doing it. I just want to illustrate the upside of raising an independent young adult. But then again don’t go by me since mine got a little too independent and left the country. :-S
“My kid is really lookinhg forward to self-reliance and inddependence, on grad student stipends in a high rent area. Ramen noodles and 7 roomamtes will do. I am wrecking my brains how to help without squashing the independence. My solution is to give a set amount annually to bring down the rent to a national level.”
There’s no real “national” rent level, though of course you can set whatever floor or ceiling floats your boat. Other solutions are paying / continuing to pay for cell phone, gift cards for gas or groceries, or paying something else like health or car insurance. Some people like subsidizing necessities to free up tight budgets for little luxuries; others like chipping in for little luxuries (like a gift card to Starbucks or to a nice restaurant) so the tight budget doesn’t feel so deprived. In neither of these cases are we talking subsidizing caviar and champagne.
Was it really “national” rather than meant as “rational”? Sometimes autocorrect does the darnedest things. I’d be curious about what the national/rational rent is. S pays over $2k/month for a very nice unfurnished 1bedroom near DC. D shares a 2 bedroom and each pays over $1k. She used to have a room in a house for $700 or so. My friends pay >$2500 for a nice 2 bedroom in HNL.
@Pizzagirl, Contrary to what you say, there’s a calculator for estimating avaerage living cost. How do you think FASFA comes up with numbers? Are you picking on the word “national”? Just replace it with avaerage if that irks you.
The numbers I looked up a while ago was about $700. There was a guideline how they grant fellowships. It’s the government estimate. They tend to assume frugal life style.
I don’t have a link for the numbers for grad students. In general, the numbers seem higher according to this website. I am sure there are others websites.
We have been giving our college junior a lump sum every month that needs to cover his rent, utilities, and food. He has to budget for the whole month. For the summer, we will cover rent and he has to cover his food and car expenses. He pays for all of his own entertainment and Spring Break. So, by the time he graduates, he should have a handle on his finances. Fingers crossed that he can pay his own way. He’s musician, so it’s just one gig at a time.
We gave our older D enough money for graduation to cover a deposit and first months rent. Then…she was on her own (except for cell phone which is on our family plan).
@megpmom Way to go! Seems logical!
Subsidizing grad students and children with real jobs?..guess I have nothing to complain
about!
I enjoy being able to help my kids (now 29 and 30), rarely with money at this point… but I’m also very clear about where the limits are. I told them recently, for example, that storing stuff in our (large and pretty much empty) basement ends when they turn 35 
Our son has quite a lot of stuff in there, because the apartment he’s renting for an exorbitant amount of money is only 400 square feet and includes him, his girlfriend, and his cat (who is almost twenty years old, and for whom he pays all the vet bills–and since we got the cat when he was 12, I feel glad he’s not asking for help with those bills!).
We paid our kids cell phone bills until they were about 25… with the condition that they had to call us back promptly if we called them!
I also co-signed a car loan with my son in order to help him improve his credit rating–he’d paid cash for everything for years and somehow that doesn’t count with the credit rating agencies.
I just want to say my S stopped home and is going to visit his girlfriend for a few days. After he used MY washer and dryer, let me “help” fold his laundry, borrowed a shirt from his dad and inhaled half the food in our house, I admit, I slipped him a $20. I wouldn’t have it any other way. He’s a good, grateful kid.
My D is in her second post college year. She pays her rent, utilities, buys food, gas, modest entertainment and various sundries. We pay her car insurance and have kept her on our health plan (doesn’t cost us any additional). When she moved into her new apartment, we bought new furniture (and decorated to a nice standard, if I do say so) rather than have her take furniture from home that I would have to replace. Her rent is high relative to her salary, but to have a modern and safe apartment the price tag was more, and as a result, she has less disposable income. I treat her frequently to shopping trips for clothing, and she has some savings that she can use for occasional travel.
She now has a lovely and well appointed apartment – much nicer than typical for her age group. It makes me feel better that she has the comfort and safety of a nice place in a big city, and she says that feels good to come home after ten or 12 hour days at work. I sleep better at night knowing that she’s not living in a sketchy area or subpar building.
I don’t see the point in not helping out in order to wean her off…she’s a great kid, doesn’t take us for granted, is working hard, and this won’t last forever – I’m guessing in two or three years she’ll be able to live relatively well and save a bit.
I think attitude (and gratitude) has everything to do with it. Helping out a grateful, appreciative, hardworking person is completely different from indulging a spoiled person.
Maybe it depends what the young person spent/plans to spend the money on? I think many of us would like to help with retirement savings but perhaps we differ about helping fund expensive vacations and other luxuries? I agree that attitude and gratitude of recipient is key.
We keep her allowance for the year on a spreadsheet and reset it on January 1. If she needs money, she deducts. When it’s gone, it’s gone. Anything from the previous year rolls over. My kids are both super frugal so they don’t run out. Too busy with other activities to shop or go out much.
Last summer she got a job and she has applied for this coming summer.
There is no right way or wrong way. I raised my kids in relative comfort, but also to value what they have and not take it for granted. I have to push my generosity on the two older children at times. My teenager at home has shown signs of attitude, and whenever it rears its ugly head, we do a “reset” of values and expectations so that he understands what we expect from him.
I would not indulge an ungrateful or entitled kid.
No is a complete sentence.