<p>“I have a history of mental illness (depression, anxiety, possible bipolar and schizophrenia), probably due to early life trauma (loss of only sibling, parents having nervous breakdowns), and sensory hypersensitivity. Even so, I graduated with an IB Diploma, volunteered over 450 hours at the zoo, and travelled the world. My issues have gotten better even in the last year. I know and accept I will deal with these struggles on some level for my whole life, but they will not stop me.”</p>
<p>I’m sorry but that is bad. Just consider that both of these are 45 words long:</p>
<p>I am honored to apply for the Master of Library Science program at the University of Okoboji because as long as I can remember I have had a love affair with books. Since I was eleven I have known I wanted to be a librarian.</p>
<p>vs.</p>
<p>When I was eleven, my great-aunt Gretchen passed away and left me something that changed my life: a library of about five thousand books. Some of my best days were spent arranging and reading her books. Since then, I have wanted to be a librarian.</p>
<p>Yours is more along the lines of passage 1. Rewrite and repost. </p>