<p>My senior son wants to drive to a university 3 hours away this weekend with his friends to watch his best friend wrestle. I have given him 3 other options of getting there : ride with his friend’s parents, take the train or I would take off work and drive him. He has turned all 3 options down and only wants to go with his friends are stay home. I am really torn, but deep down I don’t feel comfortable with teens driving through the city of Chicago and beyond without an adult. It doesn’t help the matter that several years ago a college student from our church was killed driving back from the school to Chicago. </p>
<p>Would love other opinions and if I am being to strict. The other teen parents don’t seem to have an issue.</p>
<p>I may be an overprotective parent. I would err on the side of caution. I would not let my daughter do it. It may not be fair and 99.9% she would be safe, but I would not do it. I would be too nervous the entire time. I would not be able to call to see how things are going because she would be driving. </p>
<p>Maybe if you have him stop somewhere every hour and call you, you would feel a little more comfortable allowing him to do it.</p>
<p>Does the three hour drive include interstates and freeways? (I suspect yes.) I doubt any teenager can resist the attentions and antics of his passengers for three hours. One slip-up at high speeds can spell disaster. </p>
<p>Far better to risk his disgruntled disappointment than his (and his friends’) life/lives.</p>
<p>In our state it’s illegal to have more then one passenger under 18 (not a sibling) when you are a driver under 18. Most kids and parents ignore it. We do not. With great exception our students are not passengers or drivers of other teens period. </p>
<p>How far would I let them drive? It depends on the event, where it is, and time of day.</p>
<p>I think your options were fair given the location.</p>
<p>I disagree with you all. If he has been driving since he was 16, he should have a year and a half to two years’ experience. He will be leaving home in just a few months. Yes, accidents happen, but most happen within a mile of your own home. </p>
<p>I went on a road trip with four friends to look at colleges when I was 17. We had some challenges, and we learned a lot and grew up a lot. My D did the same thing with two of her friends (a 6-hour round-trip road trip in California). It’s part of growing up.</p>
<p>My D and her friends are planning a big road trip to celebrate their graduation this summer. Yes, we’re nervous to let them go off for a week+, but even the strictest parents in the group-- who didn’t allow their daughter to even sleep over at any girls’ house until fall of senior year, and then only for winter formal-- are saying okay. We have to get ready for them to be on their own-- and they need practice!</p>
<p>Of course, he would have to earn the trip and have proven himself responsible. We have been fine with all the things our D wants to do (ditto with her older sister) because she has always been careful, respectful, home when she says she’ll be home, etc. If he’s got a wild streak, that’s a different story.</p>
<p>I didn’t let my D go with her friends from Sacramento to San Francisco when they were seniors (about 90 miles each way). They were all great kids, responsible, etc. … but still. A car-ful of teenagers on an unfamiliar congested urban freeway just didn’t seem like a good idea to me.</p>
<p>The furthest my kids have driven (to my knowlege) is from LA to SF & back (visitingrelatives), just S & D together when they were 22 and 20 during Spring Break. Neither of my kids has ever had much experience driving groups of people around and I don’t believe either has been in cars with many young drivers either.</p>
<p>I would be nervous but the situation hadn’t arisen when the kids were young and now they’re older but D especially hasn’t had much actual driving experience to date (just got her license at 21). There’s not all that far to drive on Oahu anyway–most places they want to go are often 15-30 minutes from any other place.</p>
<p>I do recall a road trip I took with a friend when we were about 21 or so–there were three of us in the car and it was pretty scary. One of the drivers kept falling asleep WHILE driving, so we stopped allowing him to drive. I kept getting lost because I had never had to navigate and drive–everyone would fall asleep while one person drove (had really driven very little in my life and never driven a stick shift much before this trip).</p>
<p>My niece on the other hand, took a special course & got special certification at Notre Dame so she could drive their bus full of students to their service projects. She & her folks reasoned they trusted her driving over whomever else might be entrusted to drive.</p>
<p>I too know a woman whose life has never been the same since her only D died as a passenger in a car driven by a young driver.</p>
<p>I think you have given your chlld several reasonable options under the circumstances. It’s not only about our kids but the situations they will encounter and those other drivers that might endanger them.</p>
<p>I think it’s an individual thing - it’s probably right to trust your gut. My daughter was a much better driver than my son – and for that matter, a better driver than her parents. She was so careful and had such a natural ability to control and maneuver the car, that every adult in the family preferred to let her drive from the time she got her learner’s permit, so she got plenty of practice. She was a very independent & responsible person – so I did allow her to take drive considerable distances while she was still in high school. But I can’t imagine having allowed my son to do the same – he was a terrible driver as a teen, and has since told me that he never really felt confident driving until he was in his 20’s and required to drive a considerable amount for his work. </p>
<p>So it is a combination of driving skill & your kid’s overall level of maturity. </p>
<p>And yes, I too know some beautiful young people who lost their lives tragically at a young age on a road trip, where from all reports it seemed that a young driver was reckless behind the wheel. </p>
<p>You know your kid. If your gut says no, I think you should just say that you don’t feel comfortable and stick to your guns. It doesn’t matter what someone else did with their kid. I would consider the fact that your son refuses to accept the 3 very reasonable alternatives you offered to him as a sign of immaturity, especially as you have offered to drive them the entire way.</p>
<p>As a senior, my limit is about 1 1/2 hours. I can go visit my friend in college that far away with prior approval, but I have to call when I leave, when I get there, and before I leave to come home. I also drive alone so that I am not distracted.</p>
<p>Generally though, I odn’t go more than 45 minutes away without my parents- I just don’t like driving that much, so I would prefer my dad to drive.</p>
<p>I think it depends on how long they have been driving and where you live. For our kids they drive (with an adult) from almost 15 to 16 and then by themselves from there. By this point they are driving to and from school every day and to and from activities. We have not let our 16 year old drive two hours away yet, but probably will this summer at 17 when the roads are good. So for us, a senior boy has been driving well over 3 years and I would not hesitate to let them drive three hours. If they don’t have any tickets, don’t have a lead foot, have run out of gas or had a car break down and delt with it they are pretty much good to go.</p>
<p>You gave great options to him so if he really wants to go, he can choose one. I would not feel comfortable with S driving 3 hours with friends in the car. My S does not have enough experience and no matter how responsible I think he is, there are too many variables. Most likely everything would be fine, but I would say no.</p>
<p>My kids (boys) both drove trips of that distance when they were seniors. It was spring of senior year. They were both eighteen and would be driving off to college in a few months. They had been driving since sixteen (fifteen if you count the one yr. learner’s permit) and had no tickets/citations. They drove themselves everywhere they needed to go from age sixteen onward.</p>
<p>S2 drove (navigating through a big city) himself and a friend to college freshman orientation four hours from home one month after they graduated from h.s. and has driven that same trip many times alone throughout college (he’s a jr. now). </p>
<p>If your kid has a lot of driving experience, is trustworthy, and has a cell phone and numbers to call in case there is a problem, I’d let him go.</p>
<p>I believe it depends on the kid. My daughter has been driving long distances since she got her permit. For the first year or two, it was with parents in the car. At 16, we allowed her to drive by herself to visit a friend at a swim meet an hour away. The following year, at 17, we allowed her to drive 2 1/2 hrs to meet the same friend at an amusement park. And this year, we allowed her to drive 4 hours to her friend’s house for her 18th birthday party. That trip was also the first time she was allowed to have a passenger in the car. I do worry like a crazy person while she is on the road, but she has sync in her car, so she can make phone calls just using her voice and sometimes she calls me on the way. And I am still wary of her driving with more than 1 kid in the car, even locally. We did not allow my son to drive this far at the same age. He was not a great driver and I would not have been comfortable with him driving more than locally. His first solo trip was to his college 2 hours away his sophomore year.</p>
<p>I might also mention our oldest drove over a 1,000 miles as an 18 year old senior with 3 other guys in the car…around Chicago, through Denver. One of the kids had a parent who owned a car dealership so they had a new car…of course as a parent you hold your breath, but at some point you do have to relax or you’ll be a stressed out wreck for way too many years. YOu do have to be able to gage your students driving abilities…in an objective manner. I don’t think anyone drives as well as I do :-)</p>
<p>Lacrossemom: I think it’s fine to go with your instincts here. The chance for an accident rises with other kids in the car. You gave him three good options so I would just stick to your guns. As others have said, there is a lot of variation with young drivers. One of my daughter’s friend’s was a natural. Her family has a beach home 3 hours away, and she did a lot of practice driving on that route. I did let my daughter ride to the beach with her the following summer, because she already had a lot of long distance experience. I would never have let my own daughter do that drive.</p>
<p>I agree with many others who have said that a teen driving with other teens is at risk for distracted driving. I allowed both my sons to drive 4+ hours away for a weekend visit when they were in their Senior year. The drive takes them through NYC. Now, they are experienced highway drivers (long drive to school each day), and they were 18 at the time of their trips, with about 2 years of driving under their belts. However, they were alone. I worried about them being lonely/tired driving alone, but at the same time, I would not have allowed the trips with buddies. The long trip forced my sons to navigate their trip and pace themselves on a long drive. I was nervous while they were gone, but thrilled that they managed the trip seamlessly. At a certain point, you have to trust in your child and let them prove to you that they can manage life. Now is a good time.</p>
<p>Whether or not your senior is capable of driving long distances, go with your gut. It seems like the trouble I get into comes when I don’t pay attention to my gut feelings.</p>
<p>Od1 wants to do something similar, and I, too, am a bit uncomfortable. She’d have to take the freeway (about 8 lanes of traffic) through the center of the capital as she heads to the downtown venue . . . Ack, too scary.</p>
<p>BUT, at 17, my dad let me take the family car 4 hours to a city to look at the state flagship. Longer trip, and I was from a town with one stoplight and heading to the city. When I remember that, I think maybe I should be more willing to let go.</p>