<p>I just want opinions from parents raising 20-something year old sons/daughters, whether they be fresh grads or young professional.</p>
<p>The age of majority is 18 in America. By law, once you pass this age, you are considered an adult and is legally able to get into contracts and make the same kind of decision as you the parent can make. Most kids’ (and even many parents) attitude of that age is that as long as you are an adult and able to pay for your own rent and bill, your parents should not interfere with your life, whether he makes mistake or not. Part of being an adult is being able to decide things on your own and be able to accept and handle the consequence.</p>
<p>As a parent, how far would you go to let your young-adult kid be free? I am very curious. No matter what the age of your kid is, he/she is still your child so would you still try to guide him/her and even go as far to stop/restrict him/her from swaying to the activities that you disapprove of? Or now that your kid is an adult by law and that you have tried your best to guide him for the past 18 years or so, would you trust him/her to do what is best for him/her, even if it means going against your moral values, and let him/her suffer through the consequence on his/her own?</p>
<p>The fact is, we don’t really have any control over what our kids do. I have 3 20 somethings, all boys. Two are supporting themselves, barely. The third just graduated from college and will be moving home in a couple of weeks to begin his job seach. We offer advice to the 2 living independently, but their choices are theirs. We occassionally send them money when asked but they don’t ask if they don’t absolutely need it. The also know that the choice to send it is ours. If they are making choices that we don’t agree with, we will not help them, but we can’t really prevent them from doing things we don’t agree with. If they decide to start dealing drugs or something like that, we would be very disappointed and we would share our disappoint with them. We would let them know that we will always love them, but that they are making poor choices that we don’t support. They will need to deal with the consequenses of their decisions on their own.</p>
<p>I offer advice when asked, and sometimes when I’m not asked. I say I told you so occasionally, but my just turned 20 year old is pretty self-sufficient except that we pay for college. I would be upset if he did illegal or immoral things, but as far as I know he doesn’t do anything too awful.</p>
<p>I consider my 21 year old daughter to be an adult, just as I considered myself an adult at her age. I wouldn’t dream of trying to tell her what to do or not to do in her life. Sure, I offer mom-opinions, and sure, she asks me for assistance at times. However, this is different than controlling her. I kind of get the idea that OP refers to the controlling kind of telling … not the helping kind of telling. I could be wrong, though.</p>
<p>We still give advice to our 20 yr. old. He’s still in college. We are paying for it. I think as long as they are financially dependent upon parents then parents should reserve the right to offer advice. That doesn’t mean he always listens,lol.</p>
<p>Our 23 yr. old is self-sufficient/on his own. We will offer advice/opinions sometimes but know he will make his own decisions.</p>
<p>Both of my 20 somethings still ask for advice occasionally in practical matters, and my daughter will very occasionally “get another opinion” from us about personal matters. I try not to offer advice unless asked, but I do slip up sometimes.
As for "things I don’t approve of, " I assume that some of that goes on without my knowledge. They both know me and their dad pretty well, and if I remember myself at that age, I didn’t upset my parents by telling them things I know they wouldn’t want to hear, so I can only assume that the same is true for them. My daughter did get a small tattoo when she knew we’d prefer her not to when she turned 21, and my son is living with his girlfriend- I really like her and support their relationship, but I really wish they would just get married. Neither ever asked for our approval, however, but they didn’t try to hide anything either. Those two things are the only “big” things they’ve done, that we know about. I feel it’s important that our kids feel they are running their own lives, but I think they know they can come to us if need be. Both are now living on their own, btw, so we really don’t have that many opportunities to offer our wisdom!</p>
<p>My older kids are 25 and 23. My 25 year old is a self supporting grad school student. We had nothing to do with any of her plans for grad school but are hoping we can visit her in Nashville sometime in the future. Generally, we’re the people that fund trips home and look for things that she thinks she left here. My oldest son is living here while looking for a full time job. He graduated this past Spring. I admit to nagging about his sleep schedule, but he really doesn’t do anything else that bothers me. Drives his brother to and fro when I ask, does any kind of work around the house when we ask him to, thanks me for any dinners I make and tells me he loves me. Works for us.</p>
<p>Mine are 22 and 24, both boys and in school, but mostly self supporting. The older one I don’t give too much advice to - haven’t for years he’s the type to go the opposite way of what I suggest. The 22 year old I give lot’s of advice to, mostly because he’s the type that needs reminding. For example last spring toward the end of the school year I reminded him mucho times to bring home his tux, on the phone and in emails. Did he? Of course not!
As far as what to believe and how to conduct their lives not at all. They are fairly well “cooked” at this point and they’re going to do what they’re going to do. Just like I did at their ages.</p>
<p>That’s about all I’m good for now also. Face it, once they graduate from college, live in a different city, make their own money, etc., it’s not like you can stop them from doing anything or force them to do something.</p>
<p>You just teach them correct principles when they are young and then it’s up to them to make their own choices.</p>
<p>I sense a backstory. So much depends on situation, personality and resources.(Emotional,social, as well as financial)
You will probably get more relevant advice with more info.</p>
<p>My kids have earned our trust in their 20 & 22 years to date. In the abstract, it’s tough to say, as kids vary so much in their responsibility, experiences, and resources. My kids have impressed us by making good choices thus far and sometimes will ask us advice & rarely we offer some advice even when not asked.</p>
<p>My older sister has a much more active role in her kids’ decisions. They are older than mine & have always been more into calling & texting her than we have with ours.</p>
<p>oldfort best anbeswer yet. I have refrained from answering because I sense a backstory also and without more information I’m staying out of it. I don’t have a dog in this fight.</p>
<p>In our family, adult is defined as over 18, and self-supporting.
My S, a recent college grad fits the bill. He sometimes asks his mom about emotional questions, and me about financial questions. He may or may not take our advice, but he sometimes likes hearing another perspective before he takes action.
My mom(at70) still offers me advice.
I can advise S, or encourage/discourage certain actions, but I cannot control his behavior nor do I try to. I don’t think of letting him make his own choices as my doing so because I trust him. To put it that way means I have authority over him, but I will choose to let him make his own decision. I think he has the right to make decisions as a self-supporting adult. Trust isn’t involved.</p>