<p>Lately I have been thinking about the ways in which college has changed my kids (or not). I have a daughter that is now a Junior and a son that is in grad school. I actually started coming to this site when my son was in high school so you can tell I am a long time lurker.</p>
<p>Of course college will change everybody but I am thinking a bit deeper than that. In particular I have been thinking about the ways in which college has expanded my children’s horizon.</p>
<p>The reason I have been thinking about this is because of the significant differences I have observed in my family.</p>
<p>My son in many respects is a prototypical CC student. High school came easy to him (OK perhaps not all of it) and he was fortunate to have his pick among the schools at the top of his list. He ended up at a very small but highly prestigious school. True to the his plan he graduate in time, applied to top grad schools and is now in a second PhD student. Next step: academic life. The key is the plan. He laid it out for us when he was probably in fifth grade. I clearly remember asking him what he though about doing as a gown up and his answer was: “I will be a PhD.”</p>
<p>Child #2 as it is often the case may have as well come from a different planet. A person’s person, she stumbled her way through middle school and the first two years of high school. At some point she figured she need to pay attention to academics and did enough in the junior and senior years to get accepted into college. She chose her targets wisely (with some help from us) so she ended up at one of the universities she liked. The plan, laid out some time in her senior year: to be a teacher. Fast forward two and a half years and of course teaching is out of the plan, she is making good progress towards her degree and the next steps fluctuate from working to law school, to an MBA or an MPA, to most likely a Masters in social work. In the process she has become an honors student likely to graduate ahead of time, has a job, she is the advertising director for a school magazine and in charge of recruiting for her sorority.</p>
<p>Basically I want to know who is this person and what did they do to may daughter.</p>
<p>Of course a lot of what has happened came from within but I have to credit the school she attends with enabling the change.</p>
<p>She attends a large public school so in a self-serving way I attribute a lot of the changes to the fact that she has had to figure things out for herself. I call this self-serving because I have argued in this board for the advantages of a large public school over small institutions. Of course, for the right kind of students. Also, the sample used to validate my theory is 2.</p>
<p>But I digress. I woudl be interested in hearing about the experience of other parents. Have the schools you children chosen changed them, or merely enable them to do what they had already set out to do? Nothing wrong with either case.</p>
<p>I have to say that college hasn’t changed my kid, just developed her. Like your son, she was a very focused and aware person early in life (no idea how that happened.) My favorite quote is one time when she came home from school in junior high and said “these people just don’t get that this IS their real life.”</p>
<p>But she turned down large public (UC Berkeley) for medium private (Brown). Since she is on the other coast from family, she has had to do everything for herself, and she has loved that. She is extremely personable, and had many interests outside her area, so I worried that she wouldn’t be a contender for uber focused sciences. But she is and will go to a PhD program this fall. I am still wondering if she is wasting her personal skills.</p>
<p>My daughter is now a college junior, and I think college has developed her (per BrownParent) AND fine-tuned her focus. In high school, she was an A-/B+ student with decent, but not amazing, test scores. She attended a very diverse public performing arts high school, where students lived and breathed politics and activism, usually of the left-leaning variety. Amongst her high school peers, she was a moderate. She attends a college which is not particularly diverse, is more centrist-to-conservative than her high school, and which has a large in-state population (she’s an OOSer). She knew going in that it wasn’t a fit made in heaven, but she really, really liked the music department and intended to be a music (vocal) major.</p>
<p>She’s no longer a music major; she designed an individualized BA in Global Music and Cultural Relations. This has allowed her to continue her interests in sociology, political science and religion, and she has found her voice. She was never in her life shy in expressing her opinion, but as she is more liberal in her opinions than a great many of her college peers, she’s been forced to to defend her positions. She’s absolutely convinced that if she had attended some of the more “PC” schools to which she applied, she would have continued to muddle along somewhere in the middle with less self-examination than she’s doing now. </p>
<p>And the self-examination and independent studying she has taken on has led to a whole new plan, never considered prior to college. She hopes to get into a Ph.D program in Women’s Studies with an emphasis in disability studies. She has the enthusiastic support of quite a few faculty, but another interesting thing has happened this year. Many students have told her this year that initially they didn’t “get” her, but as the years have passed, they are more appreciative of her perspective. I suspect this says more about the other students’ progression than my daughter’s, but it’s been a nice side effect for my daughter who no longer feels like the Lone Ranger.</p>
<p>I still have some moments when I wish music hadn’t lost its preeminence for my daughter, although I always knew performance wasn’t her goal. Apparently, some of her music professors feel the same way; every jury report includes at least one comment encouraging her to reconsider grad school for music. I don’t think she’ll every completely abandon music, but the days of seeing her perform on stage are probably history.</p>
<p>mezzomom, you never know. My colleague performs regularly with a local choir. I don’t perform as an adult but playing music gives me pleasure and even courage in life.</p>
<p>I’m a student in college now, but I will give my perspective anyway.</p>
<ol>
<li>I really think I have grown up a lot from HS and I’ve only been in college about a semester. </li>
<li>College has made people more accepting and interested in other cultures. People want to learn more and see all the cool things the world has to offer.</li>
<li>It has really brought reality to me. I guess before I was really sheltered, but not because of my parents. Just being in HS didn’t really allow me to see so many other things, but now I have. I think for this I am better. I have experiences others may not have.</li>
</ol>
<p>My D1 is a sophomore, she is more like OP’s son, very focused and still with the same goal as in HS. She always had a plan of graduating from a top school, major in whatever in order to get a good job, and become a CEO someday. She has been a democrat since 10 and she is still one. She is very social, so she joined a sorority; she loves ballet, so she decided to teach and perform at her school; she realized she needed some work experience, so she got a job at school working in an office. She is a planner. </p>
<p>College has just allowed her to do more, to reinforce the skills she already had, and probably give here even more confidence. D1 went to a very good private HS, she has not been overwhelmed by any courses or had any life changing experience. Many of her friends from HS had done some pretty amazing things, in college there are just more of them. I think college has been an extension of HS for my daughter, and the transition has been fairly smooth. At this point, I don’t think she will come out as a different person.</p>
<p>I don’t know how much my daughters have been changed by college. I do see a more mature side to their independance than was present in their high school years.
The ambitions and work ethics have always been there.
I was a little nervous that my now freshman would have a hard time juggling her classes, work study and sorority pledging. Her social life has been particularly busy, even during the school week.
I was pleased to learn that she made the Dean’s List. She has always been good multi-tasker, but the first semester can really be a huge transition.</p>
<p>My daughter is a junior at a a large public flagship U. (UF). She went to a small private prep school and always wanted to attend an out of state college until January of her senior year in high school, when she realized just how big the state of Florida is (and how far away and much colder all out of state schools were). I never thought that she would thrive at a public university, let alone one the size of UF! I was wrong. The large diverse atmosphere has caused her to expand intellectually, politically and personally. She is still in the midst of tremendous personal growth. My child, who stuck to the same 3 friends from second grade until hs graduation, is now the social chairperson of her sorority!</p>
<p>My S sounds very much like you D. HS was a place for him to socialize and play Lax. He ended his HS academic career with a 2.7 average and an SAT score of 980! UGH! He was accepted into 2 colleges and chose the one closest to home (about 1 1/2 hrs away). He wanted to major in criminal justice but that was not an option at this University. He is majoring in Sociology and has a concentration in criminal justice. Over 2 years his GPA is a solid 3.0, he pledged a Fraternity his first semester and has held leadership positions over the last 3 semesters. He is applying for an RA position for next year. Oh and Lax is just a hobby now. He gets up early every Sunday and walks dogs at a nearby shelter. I have no idea who this young man is! He went away a “dopey” kid and vaulted into manhood. We could not be more proud…or astonished LOL!</p>
<p>My older son sounds very much like OP’s son. He’s now in grad school, getting a PhD in a subject he’s been interested in since middle school. He’s always been confident in his academic ability. College probably changed him most in terms of his open-mindedness & tolerance of others (his best friend is gay, not something that would’ve happened in HS).</p>
<p>Younger son is only a freshman in college, so we’re still waiting to see how he changes. He’s finding college easier academically than HS & has gotten better grades, but we knew in HS he had the ability & just needed the confidence to perform up to it.</p>
<p>Even though my son is only a freshman, I’m a little worried about the change I’ve seen. This may be due to the fact that he has his first girlfriend. He hasn’t joined a thing; no fraternity (as he had always planned), no intramurals, no job, no volunteer work. His high school resume was loaded with all kinds of activities, including 3 varsity sports. The last theater production of the year is coming up, but he refused to audition, even though he did one or two shows every year in h.s. I suggested on of the alternative spring break trips, but got no response. I asked if he wanted to go somewhere with his friends (at least claims to have friends), but nothing has materialized there, either. BUT, his grades are excelent, even better than high school and he always seems to be happy when we talk to him on the phone. Should I be concerned?</p>
<p>Our daughter, senior in college, did a junior semester abroad in Australia. While she’s normally one to take her studies seriously and to work hard for good grades, in Australia she barely passed her courses. She and her friends spent all their free time and energy traveling and playing (sailing, camping, sky diving, rafting, hiking, renting dune buggies, etc). My wife and I felt like we were funding a 6-month vacation.</p>
<p>However, looking back at it now, I believe it was a valuable experience for our daughter. Now back at school, she is much more focused on her studies and on what she wants to do with her life than she ever was. My wife and I feel much of that focus is due to her being able to “see the world and play” for 6 months.</p>
<p>My daughter is a junior at an LAC. She’s stayed with the same major, but has definitely defined her interests. She has greatly benefited from living independently from family, and has become much more responsible in decision-making and finances. She has learned to seek out jobs. She is thinking about what to do beyond college. She had a great term abroad in Europe, and is hoping to do another in Africa. She’s learned to work harder for her grades. She’s learned to deal with a professor who is a misogynist. </p>
<p>I think she’ll be ready for life after college.</p>
<p>My S still a work in progress, even tho a college grad. Since he was little, everyone expected him to go into CS. Indecision set in his junior year. So many interesting fields, not one that he could see doing rest of his life. Hated first job, tho in great city with great salary. To some, this could be seen as a failure. I think it was better he learned while still just 21, and was able to find work that he loves. I’m so glad he took time off between UG and grad/prof school to reassess his goals.</p>
<p>Artiesdad, I have two out of college and I’ve wondered the same thing many times. Your D apparently “changed” more than your son. </p>
<p>I wonder, with my own, how much of the credit for their maturation goes to ‘going away to college’ as a general experience, how much to just getting older, and how much to the specific campus culture of the colleges they attended—some combination for sure. How different might they be today if they’d stayed home and commuted to the local U?</p>
<p>S went to a competitive U, but his ultimate second choice school would have afforded him most of the same perks—an opportunity to be on his own, live with a diverse group of classmates from around the world, and (his top plus) to be around other smart people. One difference…his alma mater (CMU) has a pervasive technology culture. He didn’t go there intending to be a computer science major, but that’s what happened. If he’d gone to school Y I doubt he’d have majored in CS. We always thought he’d go to law school.</p>
<p>Similarly D, recent graduate of state U which produces a good number of education majors, is now a teacher. She swore for years she’d never be one.</p>
<p>Overall college changed S more than D. He blew off hs as a colossal waste of time (though he read voraciously throughout hs, and still does). College was different from the first day. Eventually became a fraternity officer, a community volunteer, a teaching assistant, in general was quite involved, even staying a fifth year for a masters. When I think of those mornings dragging the poor kid out of bed (he’s a night owl) to sleep walk through 7 hours of high school…well I’m just glad it’s long over.</p>
<p>Maybe he’s just burned out from all those high school activities. You say he is doing well in his classes his first year at college and has a girl friend. Sounds good to me! In time, he may do some ECs in college. He needs time to feel what is right for him.</p>
<p>My S is doing only one EC in freshman year at his academically demanding college. Academics come first. I’m looking forward to hearing about S having a girlfriend. Would be his first.</p>
<p>I don’t think our son has changed much. He’s obviously learning a lot and doing well. This year he was on the ball with pursuing summer internships - but he may still be being overly picky as many internships were canceled after he interviewed. He’s living in an apartment, sort of fending on his own (he doesn’t really cook though he has a kitchen), he seems to get along with his roommate, he takes showers without nagging… He was never that interesting in extra curricular activities and he really only has one now which his programming contests. He just seems more of what he always was.</p>