How I overcame the fear and uncertainty about college, my future, etc.

BluGuitBox · March 17, 2012, 3:46pm

I’ve seen a lot of stuff on here that relates to what I went through when I got out of high school. I didn’t know what I wanted to be, or even what to major in, and honestly, not having that stability scared the hell out of me. And I wouldn’t be able to cope today if I didn’t completely change my way of thinking. About a year ago, I read these books that completely transformed my state of mind, and I wanted to share the principles from them with you guys. There are fourteen principles total so I guess I’ll write about one a day for the next couple weeks. Let me know if you have any questions about them.

The first ten are from “Where’s My Zen?” by Master Nomi.

Principle #1 is this:

ACT. REACT. BUT NEVER TRY.

Now, you might ask, “how can you succeed if you don’t try?” But there’s a fine distinction between “acting” and “trying”. When you try, your actions are filled with self. You are putting your own ego into the action and therefore, if you don’t get the reaction you want, your ego is harmed. Your ego distracts you from the action itself.

When you simply “act”, you let go. You lose yourself in the moment and you become the action. You perform that action in that moment to the best of your abilities and you don’t worry about the result. Maybe the action will get the desired result. Maybe it won’t. That’s unimportant.

One way I’ve applied this is with singing. When I practice, I’m not worrying about whether I’m good or whether I’ll be good. I might mess up a note. But I’ll act appropriately and correct myself. I become the act of singing.

Similarly, if you watch a singer’s performance, say, on American Idol, you can tell when they are “trying”. They are worrying about their image, about impressing the judges, about staying in the competition. The best performances are the ones in which the singers let go and become their performance. In that moment onstage, they’re not fixated on what the judges are going to say afterwards. They have a selfless connection with the song and the audience. They are acting without trying.

Oh, and these aren’t excepts or anything, this is me explaining it and what I took away from it.

BluGuitBox · March 18, 2012, 8:09pm

Day 2, here’s the second of the ten paradoxes from “Where’s My Zen?”

ACT. REACT. BUT ALWAYS IN PLAY.

When a child is at play, he or she doesn’t fret about the past or worry about the future. The child is fully engaged in that moment and enjoying it.

As we get older, people place expectations on us and we come to expect things of ourselves. We develop identities and struggle, or dare I say, WORK, to maintain them, both in the eyes of ourselves and others. Our actions become filled with intent and expectations, which turns the play into work.

When we let go of ourselves, the past, the future, and simply act in the moment, we regain the play.

A way I’ve learned to apply this is with homework. I used to fret about it. I’d rather be doing something else. The concept that I’m doing homework annoys me. But then I pull myself into this moment, right here and now. What action do I take right this second? I do it. It becomes play.

I’m at play right now while I’m typing this. What am I doing right this second? I’m formulating thoughts that I want to type and my fingers are striking the appropriate keys. It’s fun.

So my advice to you guys: regain the play! Free your actions of expectations and intent. Awaken that inner child that would jump for joy at the simplest thing, like a pair of socks. Whatever “work” you may have, no one can stop you from approaching it with zest and childish spunk.

BluGuitBox · March 20, 2012, 3:30am

Technically this is a day late since it’s 12:30 in the morning… but oh well.

Principle #3:

SEEK MIND WITH NO THOUGHT.

There’s an important distinction to be made here. There are THOUGHTS and then there is PURE AWARENESS.

Thoughts are limiting. They are networks of emotions and ideas that the brain develops in response to its environment and to the ideas/emotions that are already there. Thoughts trap us in this network and cause us to act like robots. Stimulus -----> response.

Pure awareness is different. It is a DIRECT experience of reality, without the cloudiness of thoughts. It is selfless. With pure awareness, we are fully invested in the current moment, completely in control. We then don’t act like robots.

Typically, pure awareness gets mixed with thoughts and it gets trapped. Things become unclear. So we need to separate awareness from thought. Instead of having THOUGHT surround and contain AWARENESS, it should be the other way around. Let awareness rule.

For example. You’re on a bus and you see a guy who’s really skinny, has messy hair, and tattered clothes. Instantly, your brain generates thoughts: he’s a drug addict, he’s alcoholic, he’s homeless. This is the robotic response: your brain calculates that these things are probably true, based on what it “knows” already. And you go along with it.

With pure awareness, your brain may do the same thing - but you’re aware of it. You know that the thoughts may have no basis in reality. Maybe he’s never done drugs or alcohol in his life. Or maybe he has. But you’re simply fully aware of what’s in front of you, the direct reality: he’s really skinny, has messy hair, and tattered clothes. That’s all you know.

So I suggest you do your best to be Aware. Use this in your relationships, everyday life, whenever. Recognize the reality of the situation. And recognize when your own thoughts are trying to get the best of you.

SEEK MIND WITH NO THOUGHT.

BluGuitBox · March 21, 2012, 1:04am

Here’s #4:

WITH THOUGHT, INTENTION. WITH INTENTION, KARMA.

Picture this: there’s someone you like and want to get to know. So you go to strike up a conversation. Thoughts swarm your mind: “I must impress this person. I must appear confident. I must make this person like me. That is my goal, and I must not fail.” Notice how much the word “I” appeared there. The act of conversation is now loaded with a “Who”; your thoughts have created intent.

But now picture it this way: same as above, but remove those Thoughts, remove the “Who”. What’s left? Just the act of conversation. You are being your natural self. There is no thought, no intent.

And of those two approaches, which one has the possibility of you appearing desperate? Which one will let the person see right through you and have them think “I see what they’re trying to do.”?

And which one will better let the person know the real you?
This is similar to the first paradox, “Act. React. But never try” but it illustrates the folly of trying.

As Homer Simpson said, “trying is the first step towards failure,” and in the zen terminology of things, he was absolutely right.

So if you free your mind and lose intent, you won’t have to suffer the consequences.

And just to clarify, having “no intent” doesn’t mean you can’t have a goal for your actions. If you want food, a natural thing to do is open the refrigerator so you can get the food. There is no ego or self in that action, so it’s fine.

Similarly it’s fully possible to “want to be a doctor” without being selfish or ego-driven. Maybe that’s just your natural calling.

The_Legend · March 21, 2012, 1:14am

this is a nice read.

BluGuitBox · March 21, 2012, 5:23pm

^Thank you! I have principle #5 here:

PERFORM. DO. BUT NEVER THINK.

Be wary. “Don’t think” DOES NOT mean “zone out”. It means the opposite.

For example, when you’re learning to drive a car, you’re incredibly cautious and aware of every move you make. You’re aware of every stop sign, every red light, every lane change, every turn.

But if you’ve been driving for 30 years, you’re probably less aware. You might drive for an hour before you suddenly “wake up” and realize that you were driving. You were unaware of each stop light, turn, etc. You were zoned out. That is the OPPOSITE of what this principle is telling you to do.

Instead, focus completely on what you’re doing, and nothing else. Don’t be preoccupied about the results. Don’t think about trying to win acceptance from others or from yourself. Remove the “Who” from the situation and become the action itself. This is how we achieve peak performance.

BluGuitBox · March 22, 2012, 8:06pm

This and all of the first ten principles are from Where’s My Zen? by Master Nomi, and he has more about this on his blog.

Principle #6:

WHEN MIND IS A MIRROR, EVERYTHING IS REVEALED.

Imagine a brand-new, clean-as-a-whistle mirror. Everything seen in the mirror is as it is. Nothing is distorted or changed. The mirror reflects everything perfectly.

But now imagine that years go by and the mirror goes uncleaned. Spots appear on it. It no longer reflects things completely as they are. If you hold an apple in front of it, the apple you see in the mirror won’t be the same one you’re holding. Maybe the mirror is so dirty that it can no longer be considered a mirror.

Throughout our lives we become conditioned to think, feel, and act in certain ways which makes our mind-mirrors become filthy. We no longer see things as they truly are, we see them in terms of the dirty spots. We don’t even see ourselves as we truly are.

In order to do so, we need to clean the mirror. We need to un-train ourselves and pull ourselves out of autopilot mode.

I found myself in an argument with a friend a while ago and when he contradicted me, I selfishly defended what I’d said, purely by reflex. It went on for a while until I utilized this principle. I cleaned the mirror, and all was revealed. I looked at the argument objectively, not through the veil of my own conditioning. And it turned out he was right.

So whatever situation you’re in, make the mind a mirror. You’ll become aware of how you’ve been taught to think and you’ll see everything for what it really is. If I ever have any question about “what really happened back there” or “what this really means” I simply apply this principle. And all is revealed.

BluGuitBox · March 24, 2012, 12:35am

First ten principles come from the book “Where’s My Zen?” by Master Nomi. More info at his blog.

Principle #7 is this:

WITH THOUGHT, NO FLOW. WITHOUT THOUGHT, FLOW.

This one’s pretty straightforward. The mind is like a stream and thoughts are like boulders. The more we focus on the thoughts, the bigger the boulders are and the harder it is to flow around them. When we stop over-thinking and bring our focus to our present activity only, we regain the flow.

I started to doing improv a while ago and this is one of the main rules. When you stop to think about everything, the scene dies. If you just go with it, it’ll move.

The same goes for a normal conversation. “Think before you speak” is definitely good advice but over-thinking and overanalyzing will stop the flow. In fact, I know someone who runs a program to improve people’s dating skills and he’s made “Where’s My Zen?” required reading.

This is also great for overcoming writer’s block. I’m a writer myself and thanks to this principle, thanks to NOT thinking so much, I haven’t felt blocked in a LONG time.

So with your mind-stream, let the water flow around those boulders. Water beats rock every time.

BluGuitBox · March 25, 2012, 3:22am

I should really post these earlier in the day and not after 12:00 AM.

Principle #8:

WITH ATTACHMENT, WORK. WITHOUT ATTACHMENT, PLAY.

When we cling to the expectations and results of what we do, it becomes work. When we let go of ourselves and simply do the activity, it becomes play.

Play is our natural state. Work is what something becomes when we get trapped in a web of thoughts as the result of being taught to perceive the world a certain way.

Perfect example: a friend and I spent a long time creating a storyline for a comic. It was done in a state of play. I’d look forward to and enjoy our brainstorming sessions.

But it eventually got to the point where we (or I) became overly-conscious of marketing. The idea that we’d have to make money off of it at some point diminished the spirit of it all. It felt like work and the story suffered because of it.

But we eventually pulled out of that mind-set and once again began to focus on the comic itself and nothing else. The story became better than it had ever been and it was more than enjoyable to work on it or more accurately, play with it.

And that’s the ironic thing. When you detach yourself from something, only then can you truly embed it with your spirit.

BluGuitBox · March 25, 2012, 1:28pm

First ten principles come from the book “Where’s My Zen?” by Master Nomi. More info at his blog.

THINK. THINK NOT. THERE IS NO THINKER.

The mind is like a spider-web. Each point on the web represents a fear, expectation, or other way to perceive life as we’ve been taught. When we “think”, in zen terms, we simply move along this web. When we feel fear, for example, we’re just focusing on a certain point on the web.

But we are not the web. We are the empty space between the points on the web and away from it.

In other words, when you feel afraid, who is really afraid? You? No. You are not your emotions.

Instead of saying, “I AM afraid” say “there is fear”. See the difference?
This is how you accept your emotions. They aren’t necessarily you. They are just emotions, and nothing more.

So don’t fight your emotions. Recognize them for what they are and let them exist. Only once we’ve accept them can we let them go.

BluGuitBox · March 26, 2012, 3:33pm

UNTRAIN THE MIND. BE EMPTY. WHEN EMPTY, YOU ARE FULL.

We’ve all heard this a million times: “is the glass of water half-empty or half-full?” And supposedly, a positive person will say “half-full.”

But the water isn’t the point - the GLASS is. It’s the glass that creates the opposites of fullness vs. emptiness. You couldn’t comprehend a full glass without contrasting it with an empty one.

The glass is your mind. Purely by instinct we will try to fill the glass with things we THINK we need. But that’s how the opposites arise, such as success vs. failure. Only when the mind is empty can we truly look at the big picture and realize that it’s not the water that matters, it’s the glass.

There are aspiring actors who want more than anything to become rich and famous. But some reach that stage and realize that they’re still unhappy. That’s because they simply try to fill up the glass. Their actions are full of self, of ego.

Russell Brand used to fit that description perfectly. Only after he did transcendental meditation did he realize how selfish he was being. He described his new feelings as a “selfless connection”. By emptying the glass, he became full. He even recovered from alcoholism because of it.

So instead of trying to fill that glass with water, throw it out. Maybe even use it to water a plant.

That concludes the ten paradoxes from “Where’s My Zen” by Master Nomi. You can download a free pdf of the book from his site.

Tomorrow: The Four Agreements.

Monyistbitu · March 26, 2012, 3:57pm

Good stuff bro. I love philosophy.

BluGuitBox · March 27, 2012, 7:29pm

It goes up to 11! :o (And more actually).

The first of the Four Agreements:

BE IMPECCABLE WITH YOUR WORD.

When I first read this I thought it meant “do what you say you’re going to do”, which is important, but not what this is saying.

It’s saying that you mustn’t use your word to harm others.

The word is extremely powerful. We don’t know how what we say will affect others.

In the book it talks about how a young girl loves to sing, and she’s good. But one day her mom is really upset, she’s had a terrible day, and when the girl is singing, she says “shut up, you have an ugly voice!”

And just from that, the girl may never sing again.

We need to be aware of how people can take what we say. We need to avoid saying harmful things that we don’t mean. We must remove the malicious intent from our words.

This is similar to the zen paradox “With thought, intention. With intention, karma”. We must remove the Who, the self, the ego, from our actions as well as our words.

With this agreement alone, you can improve your interpersonal experiences immensely. By always being impeccable with your word, you are setting yourself up to be a great person and you will benefit beyond your imagination.

BluGuitBox · March 28, 2012, 12:11pm

Principle #12 (2nd of the Four Agreements):

DON’T TAKE ANYTHING PERSONALLY.

Anything and everything. No one ever does anything because of you - people do things because of themselves.

If someone on the street calls you “stupid”, what basis do they have for saying that? Can they read your mind? No. They called you “stupid” because of the world in THEIR mind.

Even if someone who you’ve known for a long time says something terrible about you, you mustn’t take it personally. They may “know” you, but they don’t know everything. They haven’t seen the world through your eyes for your entire life like you have. They don’t know everything about what leads you to do what you do.

Maybe you did something you shouldn’t have done, and that’s called a mistake, something everyone makes. But you mustn’t take your mistakes personally either.
Even if someone were to judge you, to explicitly judge you, a personal attack on you meant to be taken personally, you must not take it personally. That action, that judgement, is an action that the person is making in their mind. But they can’t judge YOU. Only you can judge yourself. And you don’t have to.

Don’t take ANYTHING personally - whether it’s something that happens to you, something someone says or does, or your own thoughts. Don’t even take your own emotions personally - because as I’ve said before, emotions are not you. Only you are you. You are not your mistakes, you are not what people think you are, you are only what you decide to be.

It’s one of the hardest principles to follow, but one of the most beneficial. Violating this principle is what causes drama and much of the trouble in the world. So rise above it all the best you can.

Don’t take anything personally.

BluGuitBox · March 29, 2012, 5:20pm

Second to last one here:

DON’T MAKE ASSUMPTIONS.

In The Four Agreements it says that all the drama you have ever experienced in your life was due to taking things personally and making assumptions.

There’s room for assumptions everywhere. If someone you know smiles a certain way, the mind can assume an entire relationship just from that look. But what do you truly know from a look? Not much.

As I’ve said before, people can’t read your mind. And you can’t read theirs. Many people go into relationships assuming that the meaning of a “relationship” is the same between both people. But what reason do you have to believe that? You didn’t lead the same life as your partner. You didn’t grow up with his/her parents. You weren’t necessarily raised with the same values. So what happens is people will find out the hard way that their partners didn’t have the same ideas as them. They just assumed they were on the same page and then paid the price.

Instead of making assumptions, ask questions. You only know what you know. This goes for anything -relationships, school, work, whatever.

At school, I always raise my hand and ask questions. I make sure I understand everything and I’m not afraid of looking stupid. And you shouldn’t be afraid of looking stupid either - because doing so will only make everything blow up in your face later when you pay the consequences of assuming.

So ask yourself “what do I really know, and what am I just assuming?”

And you’ll be doing a great favor to yourself and everyone around you. Don’t make assumptions.

BluGuitBox · March 30, 2012, 7:22pm

The fourteenth principle (fourth agreement) and final entry:

ALWAYS

DO

YOUR

BEST!

This is, in my opinion, the most important principle. This became the foundation for everything I would ever do, ever, whether it’s school, work, brushing my teeth, or typing up summaries of life-changing principles.

We, as humans, have the utmost capacity to judge ourselves. If our actions don’t get us the results we want, we think we “failed”. Others may try to judge us for our failures and we let them (because as I said earlier, only you can actually judge yourself) due to agreeing that we failed.

But what is success, really? It is doing your best. Doing your best is the most anyone can ever possibly ask of you.

We’ve heard that we should “not give 100%, but 110%. Do BETTER than our best.” This is not only impossible, but unhealthy. Attempting to do “better” than your best will only hurt you. Lift too much weight and you’ll get a hernia. Spend too much time studying and you’ll lose sleep and stop taking in the information properly. If you’re not hurting yourself, then you probably aren’t trying to do “better” than your best, which is good.

You best will vary from time to time, from moment to moment. Whatever your best is at that very moment, do it.

And you know how I said this principle applies to everything? Well that includes following the 14 principles.

Even after reading these, you may still “make assumptions”. You might be overloaded with work and forget that you’re supposed to “act, react, but always in play”. You might “take things personally”. Almost inevitably, you will. Why? Because life almost seems designed to make people violate the 14 principles.

After I made the decision to follow these, guess what happened? I violated them. Every single one. Many times. Such is life.

But just as we have the capacity to fall, we can always get back up. I have fallen countless times, and maybe you will too. But remember - there is NOTHING that the human spirit cannot overcome.

So if I fall, I might think “I’ve taken something personally. I’ve violated a principle and I’ve fallen. But I will get back up. I’ll do my best not to take anything personally like this again.”

This is how we grow as humans. As long as that concrete belief that we can do it is there, we will do it - no matter how many times we fall.

One time at PE in middle school my class was complaining about how our activity was “too hard”. My PE teacher said, “when a baby learns to walk, it does this by picking itself up and then falling to the floor. It does this over and over. Countless times. But you know what? It works! Eventually, it will stay up. It will stand and it will walk. And it’s a good thing it didn’t have the brain of a teenager at that time. If it did, it’d lift itself up once, fall, and then say 'that’s it! I give up! Carry me everywhere I go!” And as proof that we hadn’t been doing our best, after he said that, we did the activity just fine. I’ll never forget his words as long as I live.

Always. Do. Your. Best.

You were given life and became a human. And why would you want anything less than to lead the best possible life you could have? Why would you want to be anything less than the best human you could be? This is how the best comes to be - by doing your best. No more, no less.

We’ve now covered all 14 principles. I showed you a path to a better state of mind, a way to transcend the turmoil of the human condition. If you’ve read all of them, I’d like to congratulate you. And if you choose to follow them, you’re setting yourself up for a world of happiness and personal growth.

I cannot overemphasize how much I’ve changed for the better by following this path. Whether you do the same is up to you.

The 14 Principles:

The Ten Paradoxes:

<ol>
<li>Act, react, but never try.</li>
<li>Act, react, but always in play.</li>
<li>Seek mind with no thought.</li>
<li>With thought, intention. With intention, karma.</li>
<li>Perform. Do. But never think.</li>
<li>When mind is a mirror, everything is revealed.</li>
<li>With thought, no flow. Without thought, flow.</li>
<li>With attachment, work. Without attachment, play.</li>
<li>Think. Think not. There is no thinker.</li>
<li>Untrain the mind. Be empty. When empty, you are full.</li>
</ol>

The Four Agreements:

<ol>
<li>Be impeccable with your word.</li>
<li>Don’t take anything personally.</li>
<li>Don’t make assumptions.</li>
<li>Always do your best.</li>
</ol>

I highly recommend reading both books where the principles come from - “Where’s My Zen?” and “The Four Agreements”. If you google “Where’s My Zen?” you can find a free pdf on the author’s site.

That’s all for now. See you around!

How I overcame the fear and uncertainty about college, my future, etc.

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