<p>Just curious because there’s always tons of stuff about helicoptering over academics but not much about relationships with friends, bf/gf etc. Also because I know this one parent who seems to be always involved and wondering if anyone else does that.</p>
<p>I set limits (curfew, etc) and love to discuss whatever D wants to share about her social life. I know her friends, they hang out here some and I know some of their parents. I am not sure what you are asking beyond that - do parents choose their kids’ friends or hang out with them a lot or…?</p>
<p>Well like if there’s tension between the child and his/her friends, do you get involved and if there’s a breakup do you get involved</p>
<p>I was pretty involved in ds2’s social life, in that I knew his friends, they were over here often, etc., but I’d never get involved in the nitty gritty of the interpersonal workings of his relationships, romantic or otherwise.</p>
<p>Like OHMomof2, my D has a curfew, but I do not get involved in her friendships or bf relationships. I may make a comment about an associate or friend, but leave it to D to decide if she wishes to continue the friendship. Do I hang out with D and her friends–outside of playing chauffeur, no. I did attend a concert recently with D and friends, but that is because there were some 15 yo girls that were placed in my care. Dealing with breakups or messy friendship issues is a part of growing up and becoming an adult, and I see no reason for parental advise/involvement unless sought after by my D.</p>
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<p>Ah. No, I would not. I would (and have) talked to my child about his/her feelings about such situations and maybe even given some advice about how to handle them if asked, but I wouldn’t directly insert myself, like approach the other kid or parent of the kid, no.</p>
<p>Not at all…except to listen to what they are doing.</p>
<p>So do you guys have any advice because I have a ex-friend whose mom was always involved and threatening and I feel like even though I don’t talk to her anymore she’s still on my case</p>
<p>Well, how is she on your case, exactly, since you don’t talk? Does she email or something?</p>
<p>Not at all. My older son had a very, very small social life. My younger son had lots of friends, but went around in a pack. If there was drama, I never heard a peep. I see some of his friends occasionally. We had two come to our cabin in Vermont last summer and they were delightful. We are going out for BBQ next weekend and let him know we’d be happy to treat a friend or two. </p>
<p>As for advice swifty, I think you can just tell the Mom you don’t socialize with your ex-friend anymore and you’d appreciate it if she’d stop calling. Then let her go to voicemail. If she’s truly threatening - report her to the police.</p>
<p>Basically I didn’t like the friend anymore because she was two-faced and I told 2 people about it. Her mom finds out, threatens to take me to the police for “lying” and will take me to the school for “bullying” her kid, yet her kid is doing the same to me. It’s so frustrating.</p>
<p>Mmm that’s tough.</p>
<p>There is no lying that police would get involved in. There is a potential for a bullying issue if the mom feels that you are turning other kids against the ex-friend and ganging up on her, making threats, stuff like that. </p>
<p>Avoiding the ex-friend AND not discussing the situation with other kids seems the best course of action to me, if that is possible.</p>
<p>^I’m doing that right now. I’m just really frustrated that she can allow her kid to do that to everyone else but no one else can reciprocate her kid’s action</p>
<p>I had a friend who had a dd the same year as ds2. She turned out to be insane. My advice is to quit talking to and about the former friend and to avoid this mom at all costs.</p>
<p>Are you close with your parents? I would tell them. Do not talk to this girl again. Do not speak to anyone else about this girl, or let anyone else talk to you about her. Clean break. If you ever hear so much as ‘boo’ from this mother again do not engage but tell her to please call your parent if she wants to speak with someone. If I found out another parent was threatening my kid I’d be waiting by the phone. Adults like this will very rarely engage another adult the way they will a kid. If they do the adult is on equal footing to respond. Let your parent help if necessary, although my guess is if you keep your head down this is over.</p>
<p>To answer your question, I’ve never been involved in my kids social lives. Similar to others my kids would brain dump when things were sticky now and then. I’d ask if they were venting or if they were looking for advise. It varied and I only offered advise if asked. Friends were always in the picture long term so I never held onto anything, knowing kids resolve stuff and these kids would be in my house for years. </p>
<p>What I suggest above in no way conflicts. This is way out of normality when another parent engages a kid in a threatening way. This is when I would say call me. That’s not between kids. Another parent can deal with me.</p>
<p>^ good advice blue. Telling your own parents about the situation may help if ignoring the family doesn’t work. Or even if it does work, perhaps.</p>
<p>One more bit of advice: let a trusted teacher or counselor know that you’re being bullied by being threatened with the label of being a bully. I’m not saying expose every bit of your case (don’t gossip), but alert a trusted school official so they can recall this later if it actually arises.</p>