<p>We are thinking about this,my H more than I ,and wondering if any CC people have done, or are currently doing this .I don’t know anyone who does this.What do you like ,and not like about being a foster parent ?</p>
<p>I’m also interested in a reply on this since my wife is also interested in becoming a foster parent when our second daughter goes off to college. My wife is childcare professional (teaches 3 and 4 year olds -some with learning disabilities).</p>
<p>It can be very rewarding AND very heartbreaking! My family did this after our first child went away to college and we had extra room. We got two baby brothers. The older one (only 13 months) had been so abused and neglected that he was like a feral child. The rage inside that beautiful toddler was unreal! His baby brother (2 months) only weighed 7 pounds and had given up crying or making any type of eye contact.</p>
<p>With a lot of love and hard work, they came around (although the older one never really shook off his rage). We loved them just like our own. Almost 18 months later they went back to their mother–we all felt like our hearts had been ripped out (even though we knew all along the goal was for them to return to her). They were later removed again, but she had moved to another location, so we didn’t get them back. We haven’t seen them since the day they left us.</p>
<p>The other part that was really frustrating is the fact that the system is so broken. Social workers have way too many kids/parents, the courts are overloaded, the lawyers the women (and sometimes men) get can be downright incompetent. For child protective services it is a job (they are in survival mode) and it becomes all about court orders–not what is necessarily in the best interest of the child.</p>
<p>That being said, I have seen some families do a wonderful job fostering. Someone needs to do it. Some people claim that you have to just stay slightly emotionally detached, but that is not what these children need! If you do get emotionally attached (and love them like your own) you will be horrified at how they are treated by a system that you have absolutely no control over.</p>
<p>Sorry to sound so negative. We were just devastated by what happened to our little boys. There is a forum similar to this one [Foster</a> Care & Adoption - Adoption.com Forums](<a href=“http://forums.adoption.com/foster-care-adoption/]Foster”>Foster Care Adoption - Adopting.org) that has a lot of helpful advice from current foster parents. Some people on there have been doing it quite successfully for years.</p>
<p>Hope this helps.</p>
<p>It can be the most wonderful experience of your life. And far from being broken, the system has been extraordinarily successful in having a large proportion of kids being adopted by foster parents. The system is a victim of its own success, as 1) with so many wonderful foster parents adopting kids, it is more and more difficult to attract new ones of the same quality, and 2) the feds discovered that success rates are so high that they are now putting pressure on the states to severe the family ties within 12-18 months (which, in turn, puts huge pressures on social workers and courts, even as available funds decline to support them.) The result is that social workers burn out quickly.</p>
<p>Don’t let anyone tell you that the system is broken. It is a victim of its own overwhelming success.</p>
<p>mini: Not to be difficult, but I don’t understand your comment. Too successful in promoting too close ties between fosterees and and foster parents that the state doesn’t support? I’m confused.</p>
<p>I worked for Social Services as a foster care case worker. I saw many successes and many abuses.</p>
<p>I’m interested in fostering in the future, too.</p>
<p>I worked in pediatric out patient for eleven years and met some wonderful foster parents and no bad ones. I have a close friend and also a different friend that have adopted sibling pairs. Both families thriving.</p>
<p>I went to a meeting today about becoming a foster parent.I don’t really have a strong feeling in either direction .I could see myself doing this, and not doing it. My H would really like to do this, but I would have most of the work .Have heard a lot of horror stories,more than positive ones. Anyone with positive stories is welcome to tell me!</p>
<p>“mini: Not to be difficult, but I don’t understand your comment. Too successful in promoting too close ties between fosterees and and foster parents that the state doesn’t support? I’m confused.”</p>
<p>1) Let’s try it another way - they are victim of their success. There are fewer quality foster parents because once foster parents have adopted one or more of the kids in their care, they are less likely to take on more kids. </p>
<p>2) And when the feds discovered how many of the kids were ending up in permanent placements and adoptions, they put pressure on the states to end parental rights more quickly. The combination of these two factors has placed increasing burden on an overworked (though highly successful) system.</p>
<p>We had taken steps to serve as respite parents for foster parents. Something else (wonderful!) has intervened, which I’ll talk about at some other time,</p>
<p>“the feds discovered how many of the kids were ending up in permanent placements and adoptions, they put pressure on the states to end parental rights more quickly”</p>
<p>Not so, in my state. No, the move to terminate parental rights sooner was because the former mandate to return kids to birth homes as soon as possible- the assumption that reunification was in everyone’s best interests- wasn’t working. Too often, original conditions causing foster care were not resolved long-term and the kids were returned to the system again and again, and long term damage was prevalent.<br>
This is not a case of so many adults rushing to adopt that the system had to produce more available kids. No, it was seen as being in the best interests of the kids to get them out of tragic circumstances. TPR is not a simple process and birth families are given many options, many tries, over a reasonable period of time. There aren’t enough caring families lined up to adopt; too many kids are still waiting for permanent placements.</p>
<p>Don’t know about your state, but in mine, the time period isn’t close to being reasonable. Social workers are backed up. There are substantial waiting lists for chemical dependency treatment. Qualifying for mental health treatment is extremely difficult. Employment is tough for everyone, no less those with a CD or mental health issue. Costs of school (community colleges, etc.) are skyrocketing. And since the TPR clock ticks regardless, social workers may spend more of their working on TPRs than on getting families the help they need, at precisely such time as it has become more difficult to get it.</p>
<p>Regardless, foster parenting is a great thing! And I know very few foster parents who regret it.</p>
<p>Now I see what you mean.</p>
<p>Just for reference on TPR: <a href=“http://www.childwelfare.gov/systemwide/laws_policies/statutes/groundterminall.pdf[/url]”>http://www.childwelfare.gov/systemwide/laws_policies/statutes/groundterminall.pdf</a></p>
<p>I have the greatest admiration for adults who can take in children in need and try to do right by them. </p>
<p>It’s hard to pinpoint what it is that makes FPs give a hoot about these kids- how they find the strength and perspective, how they open their hearts, the pride with which they describe even the smallest progress. If you have even the littlest hint you might be able to do this, go ahead with the training. As you learn more, you will know whether you can do it or not. Then you make the best decision for you, your marriage and your family.</p>
<p>Good luck. No matter what you decide, thanks for thinking about this.</p>
<p>One of our neighbors has fostered many, many kids. There was a great article about it and how successful it was for all of them. A friend’s grandmother also fostered a lot of kids. For both of these families, it was a very positive experience.</p>
<p>If you go into it with your eyes open, you have the opportunity to do a lot of good. It can be very challenging because of the environments that the kids’ are coming from and some of them having had drug and abuse exposure. Ask a lot of questions and try to speak with other families in your community who have been foster parents to get a better idea of how it is working in your community.</p>
<p>I greatly admire those who foster. Unfortunately, H isn’t interested in fostering. As Mini said, providing respite care for foster parents is another option & might be a way to ease into deciding whether fostering might work well for you.</p>
<p>I would think respite care would be even harder, yet we are thinking of this. My current thought is to take the training, and hold out for what I think I could enjoy and deal with-someone between 4-10 who would be in school during the day.I don’t want a teen,because so much has happened to them , and I would worry too much about them ,especially running away, or getting into mischief at night when we are sleeping. My grown kids are excited about us doing this ,and I know it could be great, as I work with inner city kids already during the day</p>
<p>We have been foster parents for the last 15 years. It is rewarding and exhausting and frustrating. It is not like raising your own children, so I advise you to thoroughly investigate your state’s regulations and requirements and talk to foster parents in your area. There are support groups that are very helpful. Remember every child that will come to you is “damaged” in some way - they would not be removed otherwise. You need to be very confident in your abilities and stamina. Most of our placements are short-term (we are considered an emergency shelter so we get calls in the middle of the night when they remove children), but we had one young man (a teenager) for 3 years. He “aged out” and reunited with his mother a couple months ago and we still grieve (and he still turns up at our house occasionally). As long as all members of the family are willing, and you have plenty of support, it can be a great experience. Have we been frustrated with the system? yes, but as “broken” as the system is, it is better than nothing at all. And, also, work with the CASA, if one is assigned, they are usually great resources.</p>
<p>Parents with kids who are high needs- also need respite care- I didn’t know about it when my kids were younger ( 
)</p>
<p>But I used to help a friend out by taking her D, since respite providers don’t last long- ( they often are college students who then move on)</p>
<p>Some wonderful neighbors were foster parents- who took 3 related kids that lived with them off and on for years- but heartbreaking cycle. They eventually adopted and moved to a rural area so they could have more room for more kids- really amazing people.</p>
<p>I’ve thought about it- but I am not wired to be a good foster parent- because I am not very consistent & I think what these kids need is some sort of structure.
I do volunteer at teen tutoring centers/clubs though.</p>