How is it? - PLEASE TELL ME WHAT TO REMOVE AND WHAT TO ADD..!!

College Essays
1

<p>Firstly, a college period is a necessary one as it’s the most memorable and it’s the turning point for most of the students. It will be a great time and place where I will meet new and different people who would be interested in what I’m interested. It would be a pleasure to study with them and be with them through out the college and might be after college too.</p>

<p>My parents taught me that the more we spread the knowledge the more we gain it; education is always a good investment and never a waste, its always useful in some or the other context.
The admissions office requires an essay explaining my aspirations and motivations for attending the specific university. They gave the opportunity to tell them more about myself and my interests as well.</p>

<p>Studying abroad is always amazing and a dream for a student, similarly its my dream too, just not to study but also gain a quality study from abroad and I think New Jersey City University is the best option for me which is also abroad and is also well reputed which means it gives a quality study. Academics is not the only thing I need, I also wish to be a part of athletics and sports and serve my college/university team and motivate others to take part in too.</p>

<p>One’s future goals and aspirations vary accordingly. Some base their future goals and aspirations on family dreams. However, some base the majority of their goals on one’s job. I have chosen the course Business Administration not just to get a degree but it will help in future, and after graduation I would also be planning to do Master’s in Business Administration which will also assist me in managing my business as my aim is to be a Business man (a jeweler), not just to open a company in a country but to open it globally and fulfill my as well as my parents dreams. As every parent pray and wish their child to stand on his/her own feet and be a big man/woman one day and get respected.</p>

2

<p>last 3 lines in 2nd paragraph have been posted by mistake</p>

3

<p>I wouldn’t start with “firstly”. I think a reworking of your whole first paragraph to make it flow better and sound more natural and would benefit you.</p>

4

<p>What’s the prompt?</p>

5

<p>I think this is the paraphrase of the prompt: The admissions office requires an essay explaining my aspirations and motivations for attending the specific university. They gave the opportunity to tell them more about myself and my interests as well.</p>

<p>My advice is to remove all the generalizations about other people. Do not talk about what other people do. Just focus on your own aspiration and motivation.</p>