<p>When your college and older kids come home for a visit ,do you complain if they don’t pick up after themselves , or are you just happy they come home to visit ? I ask them nicely ,but many things don’t get done . I hate to "nag " but I find it annoying when adult children slip back into the "forgetful children "stage . How do you handle this ?</p>
<p>My son’s visits home have been so short, I’m very lax. If he moved back home, I expect I’d expect more.</p>
<p>D is very neat and tidy when she comes home…because she knows that I would hit the roof if she left her stuff laying about. Other than that, as far as meals go, I tend to wait on her hand and foot.(but that’s my pleasure)</p>
<p>Pretty lax over breaks. Summer, which is essentially moving back home, will come with some expectations. I am willing to nag. However, at our house, I’m off all summer while adult college kid is taking 3 classes and working 2 jobs.</p>
<p>Since leaving as freshman, neither has come home for more than a few weeks with Christmas break being the longest. Both have always worked during that break. I expect public areas to be kept reasonably free of their things, other than say a laptop left out, but do not expect any chores. We treat them as we would a guest and expect similar consideration, i.e. they show up to dinner or let us know they won’t be home and so forth. When they leave, we expect their room to be left in the condition in which they found it, with sheets stripped and nothing left out. Before they leave their room can look like a tornado has passed through.</p>
<p>Short visits for older child who is on her own now, lax. But I also don’t hesitate to ask for help with something if I’m busy.</p>
<p>For S who will finish sophomore year this week and be home for the summer…he’s actually pretty good - he’ll do laundry, clean up the bathroom etc. He is not always so good at cleaning up the kitchen to my standards ( I hate coming home from work to find toast crumbs on the table and counters, dishes in the sink, etc.). We will have a little mtg with his sib who is still at home and everyone will have things to keep up over the summer - so summer feels like a little " vacation" to me too!</p>
<p>Oh this is an interesting one for me. I have always catered to my boys when they came home for breaks, doing their laundry, cooking their favorite foods and stocking the pantry and fridge with everything they love. And trying not to go crazy when the younger leaves a trail of “stuff” as he walks in the door and up the stairs. Now they are both coming back home. One is graduating, and will be job hunting (hopefully!), and the freshman is coming back to transfer/commute to a local university. I know I need to stop doing it all. I swore I was going to change - they are no longer “guests”, “vactioners” or an a brief hiatus after working so hard all semester- so I vowed that when the come back I would not be a “slave” (or an enabler). However, yesterday in the gourmet grocer I started stockpiling things they like. So, I am breaking my own rule already before they even get here! Help!!!</p>
<p>UMMom - I felt as if I could have written that post - my boys are the same way!! I love seeing them, though, so I overlook the “trail!!” BTW - my older son graduatuated from the Unviersity of Michigan last year - he absolutely loved it and had a great experience. I’m so sad that I won’t have the opportunity to go to Ann Arbor again.</p>
<p>The one who comes home from breaks is considerate and picks up after herself (and does chores without being asked). It’s the one who lives here who is a slob and never does a thing without specifically being asked to.</p>
<p>When our kids come to visit , they are fabulous houseguests . We have never had to “nag” them to do anything while they were here . We very much look forward to their visits .</p>
<p>Michone - does your graduate live at home? If so please advise!!! And I feel the same way about my older son’s school. I love the campus, the city, everything about it. I felt sad when we went there in November to visit him and watch our “last football game”. I know graduation will be bittersweet. I love it there. Frankly, I never actually liked the campus my younger one is transferring from. </p>
<p>And yes, I have overlooked the trail, and tried not to go bonkers about the nasty, putrid gym bags/clothes, since they were only home for short periods. This is going to take a lot of adjusting for all of us. H and I trying to enjoy the last few days alone in our neat, quiet home. </p>
<p>And the late nights!!! Hello, we have to get up and go to work in the morning even if they don’t. I am tired just thinking about the hours they keep and how that will impact my already terrible sleep patterns.</p>
<p>Thumper1 - I always look forward to their visits. Obviously you did something right in getting them to be considerate guests. I am impressed - and jealous. I have truly failed there. Now that they are not going to be “visiting” it better not be to late to change all of our habits, or it won’t be nearly as pleasant as those short visits have been.</p>
<p>When your college and older kids come home for a visit ,do you complain if they don’t pick up after themselves , or are you just happy they come home to visit ? I ask them nicely ,but many things don’t get done . I hate to "nag " but I find it annoying when adult children slip back into the "forgetful children "stage . How do you handle this ?</p>
<p>I expect my kids to act as if they’re staying at other people’s homes. If they leave crap around then that’s like saying, “hey, I expect YOU to clean up after me.”</p>
<p>heck, if they don’t have these habits, then they’d be lousy guests when staying elsewhere.</p>
<p>they don’t pick up after themselves , or are you just happy they come home to visit ? I ask them nicely ,but many things don’t get done . I hate to "nag " but I find it annoying when adult children slip back into the "forgetful children "stage</p>
<p>If they leave their stuff around, pick it up and then claim you’re having a “forgetful parent” moment and have no idea where you put it.</p>
<p>My son does leave a trail and stay up late, but he always helps me make dinner and we can’t hear anything from our bedroom, so who cares if he’s up late? I love making his favorite foods. I also miss visiting his campus.</p>
<p>Can’t be lax. I have to many of them and they pop up like those gophers in the the arcade games. My place would like a hoarders paradise if I let it. I also still have a young one in high school.</p>
<p>UMMom…my kids behave here the same way they would if visiting anyone else’s home. This is a little different because our home will always be theirs…even for a visit. BUT seriously they are great guests and we so look forward to them visiting. They cook us meals (and clean up) and when they do their laundry, they always ask if we have something we need done. They leave the gas tanks with gas IN them.</p>
<p>I will say…they are much better guests than when they came home for vacations during college. It has gotten better and better and better as they have gotten older. One is 27 and the other 24.</p>
<p>Picking up after themselves. I’m happy to nag. His room is his business, but he’s not allowed to complain that I clean it when he leaves and he can’t find things. In terms of hours. I like to have a general idea of plans, but have no particular curfew. I offer to do laundry, but he has to bring it down to the basement. He helps with setting and clearing. (As I do when I am a guest.)</p>
<p>I don’t expect her to be anything other than what she was growing up, that is a member of a family that everybody pitches in and does their share. I wasn’t her maid then and I certainly am not now (not that she thinks I am.) If anything, she is more tidy than I am.</p>
<p>Haven’t thought about it much. S has not been home much since he started college, after 1st 2 years. When he is, he is considerate, quiet and neat. D is a bit more unpredictable, but she is also considerate, quiet and somewhat messy (but keeps her messes in her room). Have enjoyed their company and never felt there was anything to complain about so far. S is now 5000 miles away and only comes for brief visits. D is 2500 miles away.</p>
<p>It is a problem when my d comes home sheis quite slobby and wants to exert her presence. Can lead to conflict.</p>