<p>Reality check: many parents are quite willing to spend $55k a year to send d or s to a four-year country club (oops, I mean: college) where they may get little experience of “life” (outside of sex, drugs, and rock-n-roll) for four years. They may never have rented an apartment, bought groceries, or even (in some country clubs) done their own laundry. They may also be really nice kids, but “reality check” following $225k fantasy life is a pretty strange way to look at it. </p>
<p>And, yes, he should think of ways to support himself while waiting for the big break - but that might not be through waiting on tables. It may be a couple of courses in bookkeeping/accounting, (ten years ago I would have said getting a real estate license), or in welding. If one thinks that waiting for the break might take years, then passing the time at minimum wage is not a good investment - for either d or s or mom and dad.</p>
<p>mini - did your kid(s) spend four years at some country clubs or were they boot camps? Or are they only considered as country clubs when people are paying 55K. Just wondering.</p>
<p>We couldn’t spend anywhere close to $55k, and both kids had to work. And, yes, in many ways they were country clubs, and some (many) students had the opportunity to treat them and live in them that way. (The college I went to was definitely a country club, complete with an 18-hole PGA golf course, with more than half the student body binge drinking. The cars in the college parking lot tell a good story. I could never have binge drank, if only because I never could have afforded it. They are country clubs when people treat them as such.)</p>
<p>But you didn’t address my question: why would you think a student who has lived for four years at his or her own parents’ expense of $225k, as described above, should be entirely prepared for a “reality check” of the type described here? (To be fair, many of my classmates never had to be: they went into daddy’s business, or daddy’s friend’s brokerage house, or daddy’s law school, and never looked back. They were all very bright, of course.)</p>
<p>Because the parents COULD have set the expectation, but apparently did not, that the kids have to be self sufficient when they graduate. My dad paid my college expenses, but it was really clear that (1) I needed to be a four year plan to graduation, and (2) I needed to be self supporting when I graduated. I have made the same clear to my kids. So far I have one who graduated in four years and had a job lined up before she graduated. She is now completely self sufficient. The other is a HS senior, but she understands the expectations as well.</p>
<p>GladDad, I was suggesting extra work as temp gig, not as a career. More lucrative than a day at the beach. The OP did not say that her son wants to act…that’s a whole different story. The fact is that there are jobs in the industry, but it can take a while to get them. In the meantime, because this is a giant city, there are ways to make ends meet. Going home and giving up after three months is sad and unnecessary.</p>
That’s the definition of a ‘reality check’ IMO - being exposed to the realities whether one’s ‘prepared for them’ or not. Just because a parent may have paid for their prince/princess to attend the expensive country club for 4 years doing little other than partying/playing doesn’t mean they might not and should not have a ‘reality check’ at some point of what real life and fiscal responsibility are.</p>
<p>There’s nothing I’ve seen in the OP’s post where the OP’s kid led this country club college lifestyle you suggest in the first place but regardless, the OP seems to want to be at an end point in fully supporting the kid who hasn’t bothered to get a paying job in 3 months. This is a good time for the OP to inform the kid that the free money is at an end and they need to support themselves - i.e. the reality check. </p>
<p>OP did you ever have discussion about this support with your kid before he went off to LA on your dime? Did you have an agreement and did it include a time component (2 weeks/3 months/6 months/whatever)?</p>
<p>I agree with you on the job including the temp jobs, preferably connected with ‘the industry’ but lacking those, anything. LA is a major city where a motivated recent college grad s/b able to find some kind of work to temporarily support themselves (on the cheap) while pursuing the bigger opportunity. It’s not like being stuck in a small town with few opportunities.</p>
<p>Oh, don’t get me wrong - the kid does need to learn reality, and does need to learn how to plan. Money is only a very, very small part of it. I am not suggesting “giving the kid a break”. I am suggesting giving the kid what he really needs (much of which has little to do with money).</p>
<p>One of the my kids’ colleges had an entire institute on women and financial independence. You’d be surprised how many graduates get through college without having done any personal budgeting or money management in their lives.</p>
<p>^^ Giving the kid some clear advice about possible action plans, including getting a job, the temp type jobs ‘neuroticparent’ suggested, idea of how to live on the cheap, a clear understanding of the bounds of when the parental financial support will no longer be available, some good encouragement and emotional support in pursuing the desired career, all make sense and hopefully the parents will do that. It’s the financial area where the kid needs the reality check.</p>
<p>And how many kids actually know, after four years of the country club, how much it costs to continue the lifestyle to which they are accustomed? (I saw enough cars in the college parking lot to know that a good number of them cost more than the median annual income of working people in this country.)</p>
<p>I don’t see any evidence that the OP’s kid isn’t willing to downsize his lifestyle to conform to his current condition. Does he know how? Does it make sense, for example, to be waiting tables, when he could be investing in a career sideline that could support him (at a lower level than he’d like, granted) for years to come? (It may not end up as a “temp job” - though I know few career waiters, but maybe I travel in the wrong circles.)</p>
<p>Supporting the kid for six months while he acquires skills AND hones his jobhunting might turn out to be a great investment on the part of the parents, rather than an ultimatum.</p>
I’ll bet even the densest of kids know it costs more than $0. </p>
<p>
The evidence is that the kid asked the parents to continue to fully support him. His current condition is apparently $0 income other than what the parents hand him.</p>
<p>
There needs to be at least a meeting of the minds between the parents and the kid on the action plan. Who’s to say he’s acquiring any skills at all right now or doing any realistic job hunting at all? There are too many people whose idea of job hunting is to apply for a narrow selection of jobs (ex: maybe only a couple of job types within the film industry), one at a time, wait for a response (several weeks), and if that doesn’t bear fruit, apply to one other specialized job and wait/repeat and they might even be jobs rarely available or that he’s not very well qualified for.</p>
<p>If he hasn’t found any job in the first 3 months why does he think he will in the second 3 months? What’s his action plan and what are his expectations if he still doesn’t have a job after the next 3 months - ask for more money/another 3 months?, then another 3 months, stay there but realize with the reality check that he needs any kind of job to support himself until he finds the more desirable job?, move back home and apply for a different type of job?, go into some other career path?</p>
<p>And, is he asking the parents for a handout or a loan?</p>
<p>I would require an “action plan” as GladGradDad suggested above before I would have supported him at all. At this point I would:</p>
<ol>
<li> Tell him he has to be employed doing something within the next 30 days.</li>
<li> Ask him for a written budget - to show how much money he NEEDS</li>
<li> Ask him to develop an action plan to get self-sustaining with DATES attached.</li>
<li> After the 30 days, assist him by paying an agreed upon amount, probably just about the difference between what he makes and what he needs to survive only.</li>
<li> Ask him to update his plan regularly - an interval that works for you all. I would suggest monthly. And then monitor and adjust accordingly.</li>
</ol>
<p>In answer to your questions, yes I did discuss this with him before he left and told him I could support him for a while, but not indefinitely–just didn’t put a definite time on it .This is basically why I wrote this post–to get opinions of others who may have gone through this .
My son is really not irresponsible–he is trying to get a job.
He has always been a writer, choosing to write on his computer rather than playing video games. This is his dream and I want to give him an opportunity.
He is trying to live very frugally, sharing an apartment with 2 others, having no furniture, etc.
Thanks to all for taking time to give me your thoughts</p>
<p>You don’t have that conversation when they are a senior in college. You have that conversation with them before they go off to college. This is how much it costs for housing, food, transportation, clothing. Oh, you want to travel? Well, that’s a luxury. You want to go out to eat every once in a while? That all add up. </p>
<p>D1 told us what she wanted for Christmas. It was very hard for me to tell her that she had to get it for herself, not because we couldn’t afford it, but I felt that it was such a luxury item that she needed to save up for it. D1 complained that we were a lot more generous with D2, and I had to remind her that her younger sister was still on our payroll.</p>
<p>If I were OP, I would tell my kid how long I would support him and he would need to be self supporting at that point. Of course, I would make sure he knew that I meant it.</p>