<p>We advised our son to get a degree in a field with more promise
For getting a job, but he chose film. He went to LA after graduation from college and has not found a job but wants to live there. He has no money and asked us to pay rent until he finds a job. It has been 3 months of us giving him all expenses(food, rent–shared with a roommate–etc.
How long should we support him?
I don’t mind supporting him if he lives at home, but are we “enabling” him by giving him money?</p>
<p>We know half a dozen kids trying to break into either the film industry in LA or the theater industry in NY. All of them have part-time jobs or temp or do jobs that allow a lot of flexibility. Friend’s S in NYC reports that every waiter, bellhop and desk clerk at the hotel where he works are also actors and singers hoping for a break.</p>
<p>So, my response would be to tell him he has to find at least a part-time job that pays enough for him to keep himself going. You can contribute as and when you would like to - ie, plane tickets to come home for the holidays, help to buy some decent clothing for his job interviews, etc…but otherwise, he needs to start pulling his weight.</p>
<p>I would recommend though, since you have been doing so much, to give him advance notice. Don’t just say- we’re not sending any more dough, you’ll have to be an adult now.
I suggest a payment of a month or 6 weeks money with a note that this will be the last, and that you are confident he will be able to stand on his own feet before this runs out.</p>
<p>Thanks for your input–we have previously told him to find a part time job but guess we need to tell him it’s mandatory.</p>
<p>that’s very selfish of him</p>
<p>Do you think he really wants to sponge off you, has unrealistic expectations, or has simply failed in his current job strategies and needs to retool?</p>
<p>The money part might be the least important thing in the equation. Is he carrying any college loans? Are you carrying any college loans?</p>
<p>If it were my son, I would pay only his rent for another 6 months. I agree with M’s Mom, he should be able to at least get a PT job to cover food, gas and clothing. After 6 more months, I would conclude that finding permanent employment in LA just isn’t going to work out for him right now. To continue paying after that would probably be tantamount to enabling an undesirable situation.</p>
<p>If you can, at least give him the opportunity to succeed.</p>
<p>I know two people in the industry-one is my BIL, one is a young man not much older than OP’s son. One went to LA, the other to NY and both worked at whatever job they could to support themselves while looking for their big break. Neither relied on the bank of mom and dad to live.</p>
<p>My BIL did make it-after moving to the western Canadian version of LA-where many US TV series and movies are filmed. The young man is VERY VERY good, but saw that there were dozens more just as good after his parts, and chose to come back to Seattle to work here. This young man did something I think was quite smart-he got a degree in a service job (cosmetology) that will allow him to work for a regular paycheck if needed. He has always had a fallback, though he is able to follow his performing arts passion on a smaller level here in town FT for now.</p>
<p>You don’t get to sponge off your parents just because you choose an iffy career. You either support yourself at something less glamorous or you get some training in something more employable, IMO.</p>
<p>Well, how much would it cost you to “support” him at home?</p>
<p>If you wouldn’t mind doing that, then maybe if you do the math on it and figure out what you can or will do and give him that number, he can figure it out from there.</p>
<p>Is it a financial hardship for you, or just the principle of the thing? (yes, I realize this is a pun, but I am also serious.)</p>
<p>For us, we don’t really have some rule about our kids being self supporting, but they always seem to have a job. But, we’ve never made a big deal out of it or withdrawn financial support if they got a job. </p>
<p>I might feel differently if they weren’t busy all the time working or volunteering or generally being productive. But, as long as they are productive, including if they are volunteering at something to help others, I’m good with it.</p>
<p>Good luck to both you and your son.</p>
<p>That’s basically the way I feel about it. It’s only money. I’d be more concerned about if I thought my kids weren’t being unrealistic, or choosing strategies that were repeatedly failing, or somehow not engaged in the process. I’ll grant that at some point you either fish or cut bait, but if the 20-30 hours a day he might spend dishing out coffee would be better spent writing resumes and going to interviews or polishing his skills, the money is worth less than the time.</p>
<p>Can you afford to help him or is it a hardship? I don’t think your help should be open ended, but you should let him know what the expectations are upfront. For example full support including rent and all expenses for 6 months, half of rent and expenses for 6 months, then he’s on his own. What if it takes him 5 years to " make it". Will you support him financially? 10 years? You need a plan for what is acceptable to you</p>
<p>I think you supported him 3 months too long already. He graduated college - it’s time for him to get real and support himself. </p>
<p>I doubt he’s seriously looking for a job. He’s been there for 3 months so he should have found a job long before now. Of course, as long as he gets free money from you he probably doesn’t feel any compelling need to find a job.</p>
<p>If he wants to pursue film that’s fine but he still needs some kind of job to support himself in the meantime, even if it’s as a waiter or some other part time job until he lands something more to his liking. I think lots of people ‘pursuing a career in film’ do that - they work various jobs until they can either land something in the industry they want or until they decide maybe they’re better off doing something other than film after all.</p>
<p>Yes, you’re enabling him to not have a job by continuing to fully support him. </p>
<p>But surely when he headed off to LA with no job and apparently no savings and you writing checks you must have had a discussion as to your expectations and his expectations as far as you supporting him. Didn’t you have that conversation and set some bounds? </p>
<p>Keep in mind you could easily be in this same position 3 months from now, 6 months from now, a year from now. You need to decide what you’re willing to do and what’s in his best interest - living a fantasy of parental support post-college while pursuing a career in film might not be in his best interest. He having to figure out what it takes to support himself, search for jobs, weigh the pros and cons of various industries/jobs might be in his best interest.</p>
<p>If he was at home at least the rent would be a lot less and likely the food bill would be less - the same with utilities. If he stays at home an extended time without getting a job that’ll likely be problematic as well.</p>
<p>What exactly has he been doing for the last 3 months since he doesn’t have a job? It’s hard to imagine he’s spending 8 hours a day looking for the film job.</p>
<p>I think he needs to have a reality check on the job and self support.</p>
<p>This is one of those areas where it’s really hard to know exactly what I’d do unless put in the same situation. Do you get the impression that he is actively, conscientiously searching for any and all types of jobs to no avail? If so, I would probably keep paying for a few more months. It’s really hard to know just what the employment situation is like out there. Hopefully he is willing to take something so he can start paying his own way soon and you don’t have to spend more time thinking about how long to support him.</p>
<p>I live in LA and work in the tv/film industry. It does take time to find a job, but if it’s your son’s dream and you can support him for a little while, I don’t think either of you will be happy if he comes home. He should sign up immediately with several temp agencies (including Co-op Temp Services and the Friedman Agency) and request assignments with production companies, new media start-ups, or in the studios. I know several kids who recently got permanent jobs this way - not as writers or directors, but fine entry-level positions that helped them network and learn the system (kids’ social media skills are much in demand). </p>
<p>Once your son is temping, he should have lunch with as many assistants as possible (their bosses are too busy) to find out how they got their jobs and to see if they have any leads. And rather than committing to a server job, he should consider working for a caterer or a valet company on the weekends - terrific ways to earn decent money. He can also pick up some extra cash by doing focus groups. They’re listed on craigslist - in h.s. my boys were often payed $75-$200 an hour to give their opinions about video games, cars or shoes.</p>
<p>
And here I am always giving away my opinions (lots of them) for free - especially on CC!</p>
<p>I bet the marketing people at the colleges would love a focus group with some of the CC posters!</p>
<p>Left out another opportunity - film and t.v. extras. There’s always a demand for non-union background, super boring, very low pay ($8 an hour + meals + overtime), but a way to observe production up close.</p>
<p>^^ I know someone who went that route and tried it for a few years. He was visible in some movies and TV shows but I don’t think ever had a speaking role and never made close to enough money to support himself so he’d have part time jobs as well but was barely scraping by and I think dad continued to assist financially. He finally gave it up and got a full time regular job outside of that industry. I think he was excited about it at first, especially when he was in a successful major movie (as a first string extra) but that waned as he got tired of having no money and realized there wasn’t likely going to be a magical path to becoming a star happening. He was only interested in the acting side - which is different from all of the other positions associated with ‘film’.</p>
<p>I do not think you are doing your son a favor by supporting him while he lives here. Hunger and desperation are great motivators. If he really needs to get a job, then he will find a job. I speak as someone who lives in the LA area and has a husband and daughter in the entertainment industry. H is a semi-retired-below the line film worker who has not worked on set for a few years since production has run away to financially friendlier locales. D, a classical vocalist, supports herself in music alone. She does so, because she DOES NOT WANT TO LIVE AT HOME and our checks stopped being cut after she got her undergrad degree. I honestly do not think she would have been as successful if we had been funding her with a “faux-independent” lifestyle.</p>
<p>Our D is interested in most parts of cinema EXCEPT acting. We HOPE she will be able to have some way of being employed and paying her bills but expect we will be supporting her for a while. Her friends who graduated in Cinema were able to get jobs.</p>