I do wonder whether social patterns are changing, in part due to people’s expectations that they will marry later (at least if they are college-educated people), and in part due to the availability of online dating services that make it much easier to meet like-minded people long after leaving college.
With my kids and their friends, very few of them took seriously the notion that they might marry someone they met in college. With my kids and all of their friends, who are all 25-29 now, I know of only one relationship that started in college that resulted in a marriage, and two or three others (one same-sex) that are still going strong and could well turn into a marriage in the next few years. If you don’t at least consider the possibility that a college relationship could be permanent, I think that changes the nature of the relationship. And the success of online matchmaking – it stuns me how successful that seems to be these days – really takes a lot of the pressure off to find a mate from the target-rich environment in college or graduate school.
On the whole, I think my children’s love/sex lives in high school and college were much more similar to mine at that point in my life than they were different, and I tended to discount all those stories about how different things are now. But this is something that really feels different. Not that so many college couples got married in my cohort – it wasn’t anything as high as 10% of all people, or 25% of all couples – but it was more than seems to have happened in my kids’ circles.
My H and I met in college and got married a week after we finished, 40+ years ago. Two of my three Ds who are married met their H in college, the other in high school. My other two Ds are in longterm relationships which will likely result in marriage, one met her s/o in college and the other while working after graduation.
I am marrying my college sweetheart in a few months and then my BIL is marrying his college sweetheart just a few weeks later. I know a LOT of couples that met their now or soon-to-be spouses in college. However, the overwhelming majority of my friends have moved on from college without a SO. Some are meeting in jobs now.
I met my H in college. We were in the same coed fraternity. I knew pretty early on if we pursued the relationship I would be “following” him as he was headed to med school. We had a year long distance while I finished up undergrad and we got married 6 weeks after my graduation. 24 years this summer!
There were a number of marriages that came out of this environment, maybe 1 every other year, though it might be higher. There were also a number of long-term relationships that did not end in marriage and of course random hook-ups and one night stands.
If you like 'em smart and talented, that seems like a good place to start.
@MiamiDAP Interestingly enough, I don’t have that many “friends” that went Greek. I’d have to stretch to think of three and the last one got divorced last year. Essentially none of my other friends are divorced. I’m actually not trying to make a point; it’s just an interesting fact I just realized.
I met my husband of 28 years at a small liberal arts college. And our youngest is now at our alma mater We know several other couples that met there and have lasted together all these years. Finding a spouse certainly wasn’t in the plan, but I am glad the stars aligned!
I know several people who met their spouses in college and most stayed married. In H’s family, most married HS sweethearts. H and I didn’t meet until shortly after I graduated from college (he was a Senior), but D is marrying her HS boyfriend.
H and I met in college, but we had mutual friends in our home area. Sibs spouses are 1 co-worker and 1 sis of college pal’s girlfriend. None of mine (3) met spouses/SOs at college, but 2 of three knew them during college years.
I met my H of 31+ years in college. I went to an engineering school with few females, and the joke was that the girls went to the school to get an “Mrs” degree. I confess that several of my friends also married guys from our school - but we also got our “BS” degrees! College was the first time I met guys who appreciated smart women.
Although neither of my kids met anyone they wanted to marry while in college, D has several friends who did meet someone who they either have married or will marry. S actually met his GF online - apparently, it really is “the thing to do” these days.
I met my husband playing euchre on our co ed by suite floor. There were about 5 marriages off of that floor. I attribute it to everyone seeing each other without makeup or basic grooming day in and day out. We have been out of college 30 plus years and all of those couples are still together. My oldest dd met her husband foam fighting (I think there is a another name for that sport) at college.
S1 and DIL met at college – she was on a study abroad at S1’s school junior year. They did LDR Chicago/Edinburgh for a year, spent the summer after graduation in the UK,got married in Aug., moved to CA. Have been married 2.5 years (!) now. DH and I met at a National Model UN in NYC junior year of college and did the LDR thing for a year until I moved to Philly and transferred schools.
Three of the folks I know met their spouses when they were law students. None of them married other law students but they did marry other students–two married grad students and one married an undergrad. All are still married 30+ years later. One of my GFs did meet her H in college & they are still happily married 30+ years later.
H was an RA at the dorm where I had my meal plan. We ate together (as part of a group) for several months before we started dating. He was a senior, I was a freshman. Our S is now a senior and an RA at the same school.
H was in a fraternity that my sorority socialized with a lot, and saw each other around from time to time. We didn’t get together until after we graduated. I had moved away for work and was home for vacation and saw him in a bar when I was out with friends. I struck up a conversation, and we went to lunch the next day - that was 29 years ago and we celebrated our 25th wedding anniversary in September.
How do you define SO? I knew students who met and fell in love from day one at college,stayed together for a period of time where the were definitely SOs, and then broke up without ever marrying. Is marriage a requirement?
On my hall of fourteen girls, freshman year, 4 of us married fellow UG students. One was engaged to a classmate but broke it off before the marriage. Others including some in the 4 married had long term relationships with fellow students but were never engaged or married to them. Some had multiple such relationships. You need to draw the lines as to what a SO would be.
I did, and I checked the memory banks for the weddings I went to back in the late 80s to mid 90s when my contemporaries were getting married. It seems that about 75% had met during college but many were attending different colleges at the time. My wife (we met playing intramural soccer together in college, me in grad, she UG) has a sister who met her husband at her summer job. Many RPI guys, for example, married Russell Sage College women, due mainly to the 6:1 M:F ratio at the time.
Of the seven recent weddings in my neighborhood, however, only one of them sprung from a college romance. One was a HS couple who went to separate colleges but stayed together, the rest met after college and while working. I agree with the prevailing argument; now that the default is for both people to have careers, women have to establish a career before getting married.
A couple that I know rather well, now in their late 20s, met while working in the same metropolitan area after college and have developed a serious and successful relationship. It turns out that these two people had attended the same college and were there simultaneously for a couple of years. But they did not meet during their college years.
I wonder what would have happened if they had met and dated in college. Would they have been willing and able, at such an early age, to make the kinds of compromises and sacrifices that would have enabled them to stay together?
It didn’t last forever, but I don’t regret it. We didn’t date until the course ended.