I had this question pop into my head today - how many people (do you think) actually meet their significant other or future spouse in college? I’m sure there are differences at the undergraduate and graduate levels, and I’m curious if state schools versus UC’s versus privates also make a difference. I’m wondering because yesterday, I read an interesting article about how online dating may soon eclipse ‘the college scene’ when it comes to finding and establishing long term relationships. I have a friend who is very involved in the hookup culture now, but hopes to meet her dream husband at university.
I figured the parents forum would be the best place to pose this question.
Consider the venue. Large state school, pretty much 50-50 all the same age group with common interests. No better match making territory than that. Hard to match that pool of potential mates.
To turn a college relationship into a lasting one, a couple needs to agree to stay together geographically (or at least agree to live in the same geographic area at some future time).
I don’t think this happens as often as it used to, especially among high academic achievers, because both men and women today are expected to move to whatever location is best for career or graduate school opportunities.
Back when dinosaurs formed relationships at college, I entered a master’s degree program right after graduation, and my sister moved to a distant part of the country and found a very interesting job. But in both cases, what we were really doing was following the men in our lives, who needed to be in particular geographic locations for reasons pertaining to their own careers. Then, once we knew where we would be, we sought the best opportunities available to us in that geographic location. We got lucky–there were good choices available in both cases. But we would have followed our men even if we had ended up waiting tables at our destinations.
I don’t think many fresh-out-of-college young people do this anymore (except perhaps for kids who attended a local college and plan to get a local job near where they grew up).
I met my H at a private LAC of around 1,000 students with a 7:3 female to male ratio. I guess I got lucky? I purposefully changed my intended major for more flexibility because I hoped to meet someone and settle down soon after college. That sounds crazy, but it worked out for me.
Honestly, I think you can meet someone anywhere you are planted and spend a majority of your time.
I’d disagree Marian. College kids don’t often have geographic locations they HAVE to live in. They’ll follow a relationship first just as they have in the past. Much harder to find mates after you’ve established roots in a particular place. Plus the age is right-20-30 is still the mating age.
Of my and H’s combined married siblings (and ourselves), 3 couples met in college, 3 met on the job, 2 met in bars, one met in a church singles group, and one met online. Seen a lot of college couple marriages among kids’ friends. Also online and church couples, too.
Interesting question, there were only a very small handful from my LAC college undergrad graduating class that married people from the same college. I guess we thought we had places to go and people yet to meet “back then.” I encouraged my boys not to settle down until their late 20s so they aren’t apt to marry someone they met in college now that they are out of college, but I do know people married to their high school sweethearts.
I just “googled” the question and one source says 28%. Interestingly Bates claims 60% and then says not really it’s more like 12% so I suppose if one’s main objective at college was to secure a spouse you could google and find out which colleges have higher percentages :-).
Our college-educated siblings all married someone they met in their small town. Our non-college educated siblings, all met their spouse at work.
We are the family outliers: met my DH at college, and HE followed ME so we could be married right after graduation because I had a grad school scholarship and he figured he could find work anywhere. I had no expectations of ever finding a person worth marrying, nor did he – we were quite surprised by the whole thing!
Do people really go to college to find a spouse? I am dumbfounded. I thought that was a 50’s stereotype.
I know very, very few people married to their high school sweethearts. There was one set of my parents’ friends, and one work colleague here. The girl I took to my senior prom just married one of her high school classmates, but they weren’t ever seriously involved in high school and didn’t get together romantically until they were over 50 and had children in college.
My wife and I met in college, although we didn’t become a couple until after I graduated. My parents met in law school (both having gone to single-sex institutions for college). My in-laws met while they were each in different branches of CUNY. One of my sisters-in-law married her college boyfriend, but that marriage didn’t even make it to her PhD. In my extended family, there are quite a few couples (mostly older) who met while they were in college, but not at the same college. There are a few couples in my generation who met in medical school. Only one set of our friends is a college relationship
My kids – One is involved with a college friend, but the romantic relationship started about a year after they graduated. The other is an advertisement for online dating. The last two weddings I attended, that’s how the couple met.
Between my 8 nieces and nephews- who are all between the ages of 25-36 4 met their spouses in college. 2 at big state U, 1 at St. Andrews while on study abroad and 1 at a LAC. I don’t think any of them went to college for the purpose of finding a spouse. Only one of the couples got married a year or two out of college. The rest waited until they were in their late 20’s.
Out of my first cousins only one two out of six met spouse in college.
Both my brothers (2) and I met our mates in college. Only one (out of seven) of my college roommates did. Dh’s sister never married at all. She was at U of Chicago, but her only serious relationship was with her car mechanic. So while I think it’s quite common, I don’t think it’s the majority by any means. My younger son (recent grad) is going out with a young woman he met while doing a study abroad. She went to a nearby college which made it easy for them to continue the relationship senior year.
While many people meet in college, I would guess that just as many are not ready for serious romantic involvement at such a young age. It can be pretty time consuming.
College, especially living on or closeby campus brings opportunities to meet " your people", and almost everyone I know has lifelong friends that they met in college, that gives them lifetime of new connection through their friends.
Or you could be like one young mcouple who fell in love with an area seperately, moved there, and then met online.
Or another couple who met in college, but as one graduated before the other, he took jobs in the college town to stay close by. Easier to do when you are in your 20’s, than later when you have more bills and other responsibilities.
I wish I hadn’t met my H before I turned 19, and I’m glad my kids didn’t really date in high school. I think it is important to learn about yourself first, before you try to really know someone else.
Neither myself or my sibs met our sig others in college, although it was in that time frame. My Hs siblings each married someone they met in high school, but they are both now divorced. Of my friends, a few met their first H’s in college, but all are now on their 2nd husbands, or they didn’t marry until they were in their 30’s-40’s.
@Bay - it said attended the same college - so perhaps it includes drop-outs but the original post had to do with attending the same college so I thought it was an interesting statistic. Emerald, I tend to agree with you - those years between 18-28 people grow so very much. I’ve had too many friends that married young and divorced pretty much when their children grew up. They realized that after the kids they really didn’t have much in common anymore (as full formed adults). Sometimes (finding your spouse young) it works…lots of times it doesn’t.
Meeting your spouse in college does not mean that you go directly from dating to marrying. I met my H at a college that’s well known for producing couples. However, we broke up after a year and spent the next year limping along in a should-we-shouldn’t-we scenario until it finally, mercifully came to an end with us in grad school in different cities. We had no contact for 18 months until he found me again and told me he missed me. In that time, we both did a lot of dating. Had we gone straight from college to marriage without the chance to be involved with others, we’d probably be divorced by now.
My folks met in college in the 50s. My relative met SO in grad school at a party–she was in grad school, he was in med school. One relative met SO at a party when he was attending law school (she was at the party but attending a different grad school). None of us met spouses in college. One relative met his wife in HS but they didn’t start dating until college (they actually attended same pre-school). My kids haven’t met a SO yet and have graduated from college. My niece met her SO in law school. My other nieces met their SOs via internet, not college. Nephew met his SO in HS. I guess we’re outliers? Only one – my folks in the 1950s met their SO in college. Glad there are so many other places for folks to meet, including online.
Of our group of friends, we met in college, have three close friends who are not married (and went to college), one couple met in the mall (and are miserable, staying together because of the kids), and most others I know married people after college they met in the first few years of work.
Lots of people date long-term in college. The few I knew who married people from college are still married to them (20+ years later).
I encouraged my boys not to settle down until their late 20s so they aren’t apt to marry someone they met in college now that they are out of college, but I do know people married to their high school sweethearts.