Not sure if this is the right thread for this, but the question is how and when do we wean our kids off some financial support.
Our oldest spent a year running a startup after college. He lived on what he called a ramen budget but we paid for a few things like cell phones, Netflix, and a variety of other things that went on a family credit card. He paid rent but he had my old car and I think I paid the insurance while he paid the gas. He’s now in grad school and we are paying his living expenses. he’s chosen to work on a startup this summer (while we are funding his expenses) instead of working for places like Facebook or Google or Palantir or i-banks that would probably be thrilled to hire him (he’s getting an MS in Computational/Mathematical Engineering and an MBA from perhaps the best school in the world for this stuff) at a high summer salary. We’re still paying for cell phone, Netflix, uber, etc. He has had research assistantships in college.
I have always been OK with this because he is simultaneously seriously bright (for those of you who know math, he took a real analysis course in college without going to class, just doing the problem sets, and got the highest grade in the course; on the final, the professor put on a problem in an area the class hadn’t covered and he didn’t figure that anyone would get it but wanted to see how far they would get and but ShawSon,not knowing that the class hadn’t worked at all in this area, just did the proof 100%), driven and ambitious but at the same time he is severely dyslexic and somewhat ADHD. He has always needed to a) focus on just a few things; and b) marshall his energy. It has worked, but he can’t succeed at the highest levels unless he is highly focused and so we have let him focus rather than pushing him to do extracurriculars or get jobs.
Our youngest child just finished graduate school – she got her MSN and passed her national boards as a Nurse Practitioner (at age 22). She has had jobs all the way through college and for the last 1.5 years, has worked weekend shifts and some week night shifts as an RN at a residential school for kids with serious brain/developmental/other problems. We’ve been covering Netflix, phones, rent (she’s been living in a condo we own), food, uber, etc. She has been in school continuously for 5 years (summers too) and is going to travel for 3 months in SE Asia and then look for a job as an NP. From what I can see, starting salaries could be as much as in the 90s but probably 80s or 70s – it is a little hard to tell and may depend upon location and kind of work.
How and when do we wean her from the Bank of Mom and Dad (BMD). Rent for sure she should be paying – either to us (actually to a trust that owns the condo) if she stays in Boston or to a landlord if she doesn’t. How fast have you taken kids off of the other things? Some of this would just involve transferring from one credit card (ours) to another (hers). Have you done it all at once or over time?
What about the fact that her older brother is still tied to the BMD? Financially, we had saved up for full college/grad school for the kids in 529 plans and will probably tap them out this upcoming year. He has cost more than she did as he will have 3 years of grad school and she had effectively 1.5-2 years. Then again, he didn’t live in a condo that was probably a lot nicer than she would have rented had she been renting. Both are responsible, very hard-working kids. His income/wealth potential is vastly higher than hers (or frankly, than almost any group of people you could find). I’m not tied to the idea of 100% equality in what we do for the kids but more about helping them get to where they need to go as happy, responsible contributing adults, which is how I have always seen my parenting.