Maybe fodder for another thread but what kind of issues? Is your daughter on board with this especially since wedding/honeymoon talk is already taking place?
Congrats on your daughter’s engagement, @SOSConcern. You’ll have to join in on the wedding thread!
"DH will be having the talk with future SIL… He is solid in many ways, but they have some issues to get ironed out.
WHAT!!!???"
Maybe it’s the birds and bees talk? 
Or maybe it’s about money going towards the wedding?
Both DD and FDIL’s dresses were under 200$. It’s just a dress!
So was my dress, less than $200. However, that was 30 years ago, but it was a beautiful dress and on sale. In fact our entire wedding, including the dress, invitations, bridesmaids dresses, all tuxes, reception, pictures, alcohol, flowers, and a week honeymoon in Aspen, cost about $4500! I realize that was a long time ago, but now there is such a profit industry going on, and so much of a big deal about finding the perfect whatever for the wedding. And all you want to do is get outta there, and go on to your honeymoon! We had a great party at my house afterwards (the reception), with kegs of beer, and everyone had a lot better time than if they had gone to some formal, fancy, expensive dinner. Instead, they had beer and tomato fights (and apparently plenty of hookups, but we were long gone by then…the party continued on). Really glad they cleaned up the house afterwards…but my point is, people don’t need to spend tons of money to have a good time.
My wedding, including a reception meal, was under $1000. It was awesome and I’ll always have warm memories.
H has one opportunity with future SIL with ‘the talk’. More to do with being head of household, and being sure career will be able to support W/family. Found out today that older brother and his wife went through a very financially challenging period when they were living on just his graduate monthly stipend until she could find a job there (and obviously little/no savings). Now both have pretty decent jobs and a baby.
Will find out today what the church wedding date will be.
I suspect DD will have ‘the dress’, but we want to have a nice enough reception. The dress is gorgeous but also modest - and more modest dresses are harder to find (this one is from Italy, so it has the modesty). DD is not a high maintenance gal by any stretch of the imagination. We probably will order extra of the sheer fabric for the veil to match nicely. The dress is important to DD.
DD has been with the church long enough that they waive what they would charge for facility use ($1500). Cathedral and reception hall (and we line up the caterer). DD will find out more details today. DD didn’t ask me to come, so I didn’t ask to be included with that meeting.
When DD mentioned a rehearsal dinner, I said, well we will see what the list is and how much the reception is going to cost. Certainly out of town guests, we will arrange something - but I believe this wedding is going to be a shared thing with pooling money. Two lavish events, I think no.
They wanted to go to Rome for a Papal Blessing for their honeymoon. They won’t have the $$ or prudently not use up savings, but I just planted the seed with DD on just how much the airline tickets will cost. H and I got a Papal Blessing certificate for a mile-stone anniversary. Yes, in person would be awesome, but money doesn’t grow on trees. H and I have never been to Rome, but DD has.
As others on this thread have said, we also had low cost on dresses for my wedding - mother was a professional seamstress - my dress fabric and veil headpiece, and the 4 bridesmaids’ dresses, total cost was $160 in 1978. The only bill my dad thought was high was for the flowers. We had a buffet dinner, dancing, etc - 300 people. Dinner per plate was a reasonable $10, reasonable for then too (we had the whole restaurant) - parents were friends with the restaurant owners. Parents also had open bar on the mini-reception before dinner (we had pictures after the wedding) which was a big hit with many (WI wedding/WI family and friends). Had a wonderful cake by local bakery, 5 tier - only 10 pieces and the top remained.
I do feel for parents in high cost areas. We will have a nice but reasonable cost wedding.
Paradigm shift in weddings just like for colleges today. One can find ways to have a wedding be reasonable cost-wise. It just depends what you want. We paid about $7K a year for their private HS tuition (I think now that is closer to $8K) - my friend in a high cost area paid double for her similar private HS tuition for her kids.
Get that wedding dress budget down to $500, which is doable as there are many nice dresses out there in that price range or cheaper, and spend the extra $1,000 on 2 tickets to Rome as you can often find some good deals that won’t cost too much more than that. Daughter can also request gifts towards a honeymoon fund.
@busdriver11 - yeah, “hate” was too strong a word, but it was a bad morning for me at work!
Let’s just say that I envy those early retirees, especially those who get to sleep past 5:30 AM. I hope to join them in a few years.
@SOSConcern , I see you’ve moved this conversation over to the wedding thread, good call. Although if my dad had attempted to have “the talk” with DH about his career and obligation to support the household, we probably would have eloped and kept our distance from my parents for quite some time. Absolutely none of his business. But I do understand that different families operate differently, and your DD might not be so aghast.
I surely would have been horrified if my parents had this talk with my husband…particularly since it’s just as much my responsibility to support the family as it is his. We are in this together, and I’ve never required a man to support me.
I sure as heck hope your D is onboard with this. You don’t want to push your future son in law far, far away!
Have great news to share - 60 YO H for sure has a job here for another four years. He will maybe have about 30% travel. He just called me. Relief in his voice. We will hear what happens to everyone else on Friday (company has pulled important manufacturing out of the local plant and not reinvesting in this plant). Those that have been able to find other local jobs have left the company.
A big boost to our being able to afford retirement better…not only on the income, but having the health insurance.
Congrats.
@SOSConcern Great news! I know how that uneasiness creates a lot of stress when corporate is moving production elsewhere. Isn’t it great to hear that relief in their voice? Ditto on the insurance too.
Oh, this is a great job day - DD1 has a RN job interview tomorrow at the employer she wants to work for (and has had training at through her university). That is such a great step forward if she gets the job!
Congrats on all the good news today, @SOSConcern!
“…not only on the income, but having the health insurance.” - Ha. every conversation we have with retirees or wannabees seems to circle back to that pesky topic. We pine for the good old days, when we both would have had annuity pensions and retirement medical coverage. But times have changed, sigh.
We attended a family gathering this weekend, and it’s funny how we’ve gone from worrying about college to worrying about when we can retire.
One family member works for a teachers Union, and they have amazing retirement benefits. My federal benefits aren’t nearly as good as what she will get. Other relatives don’t have much in the way of defined benefits, and will need to rely on money they’ve put away (they get matching but no pension). Another is a doctor, who pays something like $2500 a month for health insurance benefits for the family (not much sympathy from me, as this person is doing VERY well). A close friend appears to have been “bought out” of a job or company with some kind of “golden nest egg.”
It’s interesting to see friends and family start to retire.
Some got “lucky” because of investment decisions/employment opportunities, some decide to live frugally and go with less than an ideal amount, some planned very well and are counting down the days, and some simply can’t retire because they don’t have nearly enough investments to go.
No real point here… Just interesting to observe many in our family and social circles dealing with related issues.
Yep… and the other theme seems to be desire to downsize to a ranch. But around here property is pricey causing most homes to be 2 story. Some couples end up “downsizing” to a town home that is more expensive including monthly fees. They like having newer construction, one floor living and low maintenance.
I have been visiting a friend’s mother in a very nice senior apartment complex. They can move from independent to assisted living. After being in that environment I know I do not want to live in a place like that. Not my cup of tea at all! Glad we are aging in place and working to stay healthy. I am not working and H will retire in the next 2 to 3 years. Thank heavens we have been savers.
Some will appreciate this - sis is able to retire at the completion of the school year (she is a school librarian). She decided to make a paper chain with each link representing a week of school, so she can tear one off each week. I told her it was like taking off slave chains - and she didn’t even think of that analogy. Her retirement is well deserved.
Some have had companies sold and lost benefits (like H’s where he lost a retirement plan - yes he got cash/stocks for current value, but has worked lots of years after where those benefits were not accruing), the changes with health insurance (that doc is probably paying for ‘gold standard insurance’ in his state, and it may twinge a little but insurance is also paying him).
Not everyone can plan for every contingency. All we can do is have a good attitude and look for today and the future - and making the proper adjustments in life/living.
Hope no one on this thread had the rug pulled out from under them and do not see a way to recover to have a happy life w/o major financial stresses.