Men think differently about a lot of things - has been my experience. DH and I have different interests, have had differing careers, have different personalities, but have been a great solidly married couple for 45 years. We have a loving relationship with DDs, SIL, BF, and grandchildren, and both of us have been meaningful in raising DDs, even though DH had a lot of business travel, domestic and foreign for sometimes weeks gone.
It is taking DH time to process and share some of his fears and anxieties â from near and distant past and now. My funeral trip and now his funeral trip has given him alone time to think.
I have assured DH I will never leave him alone - he had a cardiology appointment while I was at DDâs (we didnât want to reschedule because it had already been delayed due to MD schedule) and he had âwhite coat syndromeâ at MD office with a higher than normal BP reading 142/90. Because of that one BP reading, they insisted on changing his meds (we got it straightened out with NP visit on return along with home BP readings twice a day) â even though DH tried to communicate that he did not have non-controlled BP. Love the Cardiologist, but his Medical Assistant and NP had deficiencies on that visit and led busy MD to agree to something wrong. They were 2 hours behind, but did not need to be careless with DH. DH had his part - he did not follow my written instructions and show them his written medication list (the MA asked him if any med changes, and he said ânoâ because he wanted to get out of there ASAP and felt fine on his current meds). He was on 1/2 of a med that only comes in 25 mg dose (we have to split the pill) and MA and NP had down he was on 25 mg and changed him to 50 mg. But when MA called it in we got prescription for both 25 mg and 50 mg (DH picked it up w/o review at pharmacy).
The point of this story is - how much do you think you need to retire â well you need to stay healthy enough and navigate the health care system, overcoming any obstacles that will hinder longer life.
DH has reassurance looking at our monthly balance sheet to âreassure himâ that we have plenty of funds in retirement. We joke a little about âwe can afford this purchased coffeeâ or âthe cost of this is miniscule and is part of the hobbyâ. Taking on lots of little pleasures. DH eats out with a bachelor hobby friend (sometimes I join them) - costs have gone up with eating out, but grocery costs have gone up too. We often now do things out of convenience and the extra expenses are not a problem.
Belated questions regarding the comment about WA state taxes on long-term capital gains.
Is the first $250k exemption the total over a lifetime? Per person or per joint return?
How is this calculated when taking out funds from retirement accounts? RMDâs will be taxed as ordinary income at the federal level. Are these gains from a retirement account taxed AGAIN by WA state?
Are gains that occurred within a ROTH exempt, or also taxed by WA state?
Sorry for my lack of accounting knowledge. Our permanent home is in another state, but since both kids live in WA, we MAY consider switching residency someday.
The exemption is currently $262k and gets adjusted for inflation. It is annual, and yes, married couples are penalized meaning couples filing jointly do not get to double that. It does not apply to anything taxed as ordinary income so no WA capital gains tax on RMDs! Only sales of securities that qualify for long term capital gains treatment at the federal level get taxed by WA.
I live in Brooklyn, NY. Just in case anyone here is at or below median income, I have a nest egg of around $600k managed by Vanguard Personal Advisors. It started at around $500k in 2015. Since then I paid for my daughterâs out-of-pocket attendance at a private university, my own MSW expenses and of course my own modest living expenses, including a rent-regulated 2-br apartment. I earned a modest amount as a psychotherapist for four years and paid back a bit, then gave daughter and son-in-law a substantial amount for their wedding. My advisor tells me that given my modest lifestyle, I likely have enough money to live past 100 y.o. Of course the market has been my friend but I am confident that I can weather ups and downs, and I live in a city and state that are generous to elderly and poor people, as do daughter (currently a resident in family medicine) and her husband, a pilot for a major airline. Just a comment from below the median.
Being in a rent-regulated apartment, with public parks/transportation etc. is a real plus in your area to help with QOL as well as many things to help you have good QOL. Living in some areas a long time provide a lot of knowledge and experience with how to live well there.
In the grand scheme of things, it may be the earnings of DD/SIL and all others earning more and also building up more retirement resources (be it couples versus a single person) that are going to be the funding basis for your city/state. Many households have a single high earner â for example our retirement nest egg was managed very well by me (and we added a Financial Advisor about 10 years ago) but in large part were due to DHâs career.
You can be proud of your navigation skills and having raised a wonderful DD, who has married a wonderful husband.
Retiring âwellâ takes a lot - and sometimes also means recovering or bounding back from illnesses and other life setbacks that may be mitigated but not totally avoided.
The way we have our retirement resources, the market has been also our friend.
Having oatmeal in oneâs diet is a help - which is something I will be doing more of with my eating right and exercising right plan.
As a cancer survivor myself, understanding cancer risks (and other health risks) is helpful. Also knowing how to navigate health care. I need to be the advocate for DH in many situations â and this has proved out in this last year; I provide him information when I am not present and he has learned to listen to my instructions (verbal and written). I have worked in and managed medical units or offices in much of my career, and although I am no longer licensed, I understand a lot and can communicate with these medical providers. DH often has anxiety to where he wants to say little and get out of there ASAP, and also had elevated BP (white coat syndrome) when I wasnât present â and they didnât listen to him (and he also didnât pull out the documentation) to show he does not have high or uncontrolled BP.
Right now I am very grateful for my financial advisor, who was also my motherâs advisor. Dad was a college professor/administrator who worked hard and saved, but the wealth my mother died with is largely a result of the financial planner and her careful management of Dadâs work and investments. I would not try to manage the funds on my own. In a few months everything with Momâs estate should be wrapped up and then Iâll have a better idea of our financial needs. I have to admit that I am a little bored not working, but I have a few ideas for volunteer gigs.
We did go ahead and set up a family trust, but it is modest relative to what others have mentioned. Iâll never have to worry about a dynasty trust! I am just grateful to have a roof over my head, food to eat, money to pay my taxes and give to charity, and the ability to travel. I canât think of much else thatâs important to me other than my family, and that really has nothing to do with money in retirement.
Like you, we donât have a giant portfolio or a family trust, but we expect to have plenty of money in retirement.
We never upsized so we never needed to downsize, and opting for jobs with perhaps a lower salary but with pensions is going to pay off in the long run. In fact, if we play our cards right, in retirement we will make six figures for the first time in our lives once we collect both pensions and SS! We also have been working with a Vanguard advisor for almost a year, but, truthfully, I did quite well managing my 401k on my own for 40 years. In retirement, we felt like we wanted to pay someone to teach us the ins and outs of how to best manage what all we have (Roth conversions, brokerage accounts, etc.). We will probably drop him in a few years.
For some of us, what makes retirement doable is not living a large life. House is paid off, always paid cash for used cars, etc. Spending â or lack thereof â is the lever over which you have the most control.
Just want to clarify -in our case, we have a family trust to ensure one of the beneficiaries cannot exhaust their share and will always have resources when weâre gone. Itâs definitely not because we have a huge amount of money. Our family trust is revocable. A dynasty trust is irrevocable and available only in certain states and benefits individuals who would be subject to estate tax. We are not in that tax bracket. Much of my life has been lived in the paycheck to paycheck bracket, so frugal spending has been the norm.
Reminds me of a great quote from my Dad when he retired. âDonât you worry about me. I have enough money to live like a King for the rest of my lifeâŠ. IF I die tomorrow. The trick is trying to figure out how long it needs to lastâ. Of course he is age 97 now, doing OK. In fact I wish he had been a little less frugal.
So we have a friend interested in getting his name off house deed by the time he retires. Itâs his idea to make sure not eat up his equity (which heâd prefer to go to his wife and/or kids) if he someday goes into nursing home care. I think(?) he would consider setting up a trust, which to me sounds easier than selling the house. I suggested consulting an eldercare lawyer. Any helpful books or websites to recommend on this topic?
My grandparents-in-laws were in separate state nursing homes in Tennessee because they ran out of money and had to use their house for Medicaid to cover the abysmal nursing home care. It smelled awful and the residents scared me just to look at them and I was a grown 30 something woman. Yep, reality can scare you sometimes.
In old age, if you maintain a home in one state one state but go to a nursing home in a neighboring state and die there, which state gets your estate tax?
