I think it’s case specific. Some people might leave the meeting thinking: Wow, I had no idea I’m going to inherit so much money - I should just pull the trigger and buy that Porsche now, YOLO…and stop living frugally or investing in their own future as they’re now counting your portfolio as their penciled in asset.
On the other hand, if you’ve got adult kids with a solid track record of handling their own finances well, it can be beneficial.
Our family had a meeting with my parent’s financial advisor when they were in their early 80s, partly as our conversations in the last several years have been focused on understanding their thinking and wishes, and ensuring that we know their financial picture is part of that.
I am an open book with my adult children. After my husband passed away last year, I had to do something with the life insurance money. While the kids did not meet with the FP with me, I gave her permission to speak to them if they had questions; the same for the attorney that is handling all the Estate Planning.
I am not sure how opened I would have been if my husband was still here, but his illness and death made me think hard about what to do.
When my in laws bought into a retirement facility they sent their financials to their son and to me, so we’d know where the assets lay when the time came. I was a bit shocked in that I thought they had assets worth at least twice what they actually have. They are doing just fine and we never counted on much of an inheritance from them. I am glad I know the true picture, just the same.
I’ve been very slowly trying to update our trust. My husband isn’t as concerned as I am about this. He feels not much has changed. He’s probably right but I’d feel better getting it checked out by an estate attorney. The one who did our trust years ago has retired.
My husband and his siblings met with an estate attorney with their parents. They ended up not using that person. That attorney pushed having the entire family involved. It’s a hard call because I also feel that the elders are entitled to their privacy.
With our kids they have a decent idea of the assets we have. We are planning on having discussions with each of them about a few investments and how they relate to them.
We are open books with our kids about our finances. To me, an adult who would changes their lifestyle based on a future inheritance is sort of sad.
We had a friend who would say (I think he got this from Dave Ramsey) that they didn’t tell their kids how much they had because they didn’t want them to be ‘waiters’…waiting around for the parents to die. The friends thought that was hi-larious.
When they said it to me, I said, “Oh I’m sorry that you have that issue with your kids.” His wife shot him a look and said “see I told you this wasn’t funny!”
My mom passed in Aug and I will say her estate was pretty simple. House, Car, two Bank Accounts, Life Ins, & Death benefit from her pension. It was split 50/50 between my brother and myself.
D1 is buying the car. My brother’s daughter is suppose to take the house and my brother buy me out. I will say he hasn’t come up with a number yet.
Bank Accounts and Life Ins was pretty easy to deal with. Both slower payouts than they should be and really who is still cutting checks these days.
Ironically my wife and I are seeing an attorney tonight to discuss updates to our trusts that haven’t been touched in 20 years and now the kids are adults.
My kids are great with money so I’m now worried about that. Ds1 called the other day, and I told him his brother was on the upcoming call and asked whether he’d like to be part of one some day. He said that that sounded like a good idea so, assuming this week’s call goes well, we will let him sit in on one next year.
Interesting how a ‘life event’ (mom’s passing) has you discuss updates to your trust now after 20 years’ time.
I just talked to a friend who recently has had their Trust done (wife and his) - they have just one child/married/children in-state, and they all plan to stay here. He was paid out one year severance on a high salary job (he worked remote), so they are continuing to live as they have been – but he is interested in meeting with our Financial Advisor.
@Youdon_tsay, our kids are also financially responsible and thoughtful. Plus, it would be imprudent for them to be waiters.
The only thing I would say is that our money would meaningfully impact their lives most in their 30s and 40s. My MIL helped ShawD with the downpayment on a two-family house. It was not the prettiest house, but is a good investment as ShawD is renting out the downstairs apartment and has a paying roommate. When she and a partner move in together, she would take get rid of the roommate. Eventually, she would probably keep it as a rental property and take equity out for another house and/or we might be able to help with the next downpayment. We would like to be able to help the kids buy houses (ShawD is probably now taken care of and ShawSon will get equivalent help from MIL, but we may need to augment). Plus, grandkids’ college education is something we’d be delighted to help pay for.
Count me in on the group sharing details with adult kids. Like Snowball, my spouse passed within the last year. I recently had a Zoom meeting with my Fidelity advisor and added my younger D (age 26) to join the meeting as a Trusted Person.
My kids know there will be some gifting. I’d prefer to gift for designated items, such as a new kitchen or a major house project. I’ve offered to pay for all of the kitchen appliances for an upcoming kitchen project (really I want to put the points on my credit card!)
At this point, I’m young enough that they want me active and helpful. They are not “waiting” yet.
H and I did exactly that earlier this year for the same reason. Was a major revamp with changing estate laws & our current financial situation. Kids are both in their 30s, married and financially solid.
After everything was finalized, we had a family conference call with the Fidelity advisor who we really like, and who recommended our fabulous trust attorney. The goal was to understand the terms of the trust. Both kids asked thoughtful questions. Hopefully we’re set to very slowly sail off to the sunset our twilight years .
This thread is reminding me to schedule a meeting with my FA to discuss the status of my estate planning d/t the addition of grandchildren.
My revokable trust was set up after I was widowed but before any of my kids were 30 so I had a sibling as trustee until the oldest turned 35.
All my kids have copies of my will, trust, and healthcare proxy. They do not have the details of my brokerage (trust) and IRA accounts.
The things I wonder about are:
should I create a trust/trusts that continues after I die, or just let the existing trust disperse everything?
should I gift now from my IRA so they aren’t impacted taxwise as much by taking all distributions within 10 years of my death?
should I designate some percentage or dollar amount to each of grandchildren, siblings, nieces and nephews?
Surely a matter of opinion, but we feel you distribute to your children (equally) and let them take care of the next generation.
(We’ve come to this conclusion from watching the machinations DH’s parents continue to go through to send “signals” to each of their children and grandchildren and their sad attempts to control from beyond the grave.)
My opinion is the distribution should only go to the grandkids IF the kid is no longer living. IT IS important to indicate that’s how things should be distributed.
I don’t have a strong opinion on nieces, nephews, etc. At this point I’ve only left things to my own kids.
I’m waiting to see what happens with the election and with estate tax laws before I make any changes to wills/trusts.
We have one unmarried ds, so there is nothing complicated for us at this time. Depending on what lapses and if per person estate tax exemption amounts are changed, we’ll proceed then. If what I’m seeing knocked around comes to pass, I don’t think we are going to be impacted. At least not until one of us dies. Then we might be. But, if there are larger drops in estate tax exemption amounts or changes in inheritance rules (eg eliminating the step-up in basis), we could be impacted.
When my parents died in 1988 the federal estate tax exemption amount was $600k, and there was only five years to take out retirement account amounts.
A beloved uncle left a small sum to each of his nieces and nephews (and his surviving sibling who had no children). I used that sum to purchase a piece of furniture I use every day and think so fondly of his generosity.
I do have per stirpes clause, but still wonder if a small set amount specifically per grandchild (and niece/nephew/sibling) could be valuable sentimental gesture.
My in laws left each grandchild a sum of money (as well as stating that they would inherit per stirpes if their parent had passed first). Apparently, MIL increased that amount after my FIL died, but I have no clue what that amount is. She didn’t tell us about the changes she made, and my SIL & BIL who do know just sort of dangle out bits of information (there’s some power in that, I guess). The kids aren’t aware that they will inherit anything, so it will be a pleasant surprise regardless of the amount.
One question did come up from talking to the estate attorney yesterday. If our kids were to pass away with no children before us what would happen with any funds? My wife and I both have siblings, but we really aren’t sure about leaving it to them. We might go with our two nieces. Although we are not super close with either.
I think it varies by state. When my brother died without a will, we looked up how that works on our state website. Both of our parents and another of our brothers had previously passed, so the siblings inherited … but the child of the previously deceased brother received his share.
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