Another anecdote about getting the most from your company’s match. My husband was let go at the age of 60 and decided to call it retirement. He was paid for another 6 months and was given a very nice severance amount (about one year’s salary). Because of this, his final year of his being paid was a huge income amount. He was able to have the company max out to something like 35% (don’t know the exact percentage but it was very high) his 401 (K) contributions on his final 6 months of pay and on his severance payment. In addition, his company matched some of the contribution also. So we were able to lower our taxes for that final year of very high income and get a nice final boost in his retirement account.
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I just hope when i’m “retired” that I get offered a package 
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My H got a “package,” but it didn’t make up for the huge slash to current and retirement benefits that he endured as a result of the company’s bankruptcy and reorganization. We were fortunate that we lived below our means and saved as much as possible … even when it wasn’t much. And his “retirement” was quite frankly just a purge of older workers in favor of soon after hiring younger, lower compensated employees. Had he declined the package, he would have been dumped. Sometimes situations that seem attractive on the surface aren’t so much so when you get into the details.
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I’m feeling like a selfish person these days, as I won’t let BF move in with me as he has little money and no LTC plan.
As a single parent, I always watched how much I spent. it was important to me to send him to a religious school for elementary school. When he was in fifth grade, He asked me if he worked really hard and got into a place like MIT would I be able to afford his going? I told him I would find a way.
I wasn’t happy that DIL wanted an evening Wedding, but chose a Sunday night. this meant That few in my family would Be able to attend. I didn’t offer as much money as I could have. ( I did cover the rehearsal dinner for 120 people or so, and there was more left over for them to spend). A few years later, when they wanted to buy a house, I contributed a great deal for the down payment. I also have an education plan for their child.
I am envious of all the couples that Vacation yearly. I visit the children and stayed a few days later to do some vacationing with the boyfriend.
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Ha! A week after I retired, my company did a big layoff, had I stuck around one more week I might have gotten a package.
C’est la vie! “No regerts” as the tattoo says.
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You are a SMART person.
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I’d like to point out that there are many who didn’t buy a bigger house, bought used cars and went on very modest vacations (think going to a relative’s cottage) and still had a tough time paying for college. Saved modestly for retirement, worked jobs but never got rich enough that college could be paid out of savings.
It got done but it wasn’t without debt or sacrifice. For an extended period of time.
There are those who had talks with their children about what they should expect as far as a wedding. A car or a down payment for a house wasn’t even in the equation. Unfortunately the other parents and the intended spouse of the child was not a part of that long standing conversation. Resentment and hard feelings all around.
And the end of a long term job was a push out the door. Paid the vacation accrued for that year but no buyout or golden parachute to add money to the retirement funds.
Saying all that, we are so much luckier than most. Have a great life. But it’s not because unlike others, there wasn’t all that money to save. Just existing.
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I am sure you have done this, but your situation probably calls for a clear conversation in advance about what you and your BF are willing to do and what you are not willing to do. My FIL died 25 years ago and my MIL had a BF for 15 years who died a couple of years ago. He was a great guy. She and he had a conversation where they decided they were not going to get married because that would create confusion vis-a-vis inheritance. He did purchase half of her in-town house, which they later sold. Both of them had been caretakers when their spouses were dying.
When the BF became ill, he reached a point where he could not dress himself, prepare meals for himself, and getting from the bedroom to the kitchen was an arduous task. But, he kept telling his kids that he was OK because he did not want to worry them. The implication of this was that my MIL at 90 had to become his caretaker but did not have the energy to do so and was becoming exhausted.
ShawWife basically called his sons and tried to explain the situation and strongly suggested that they hire a caretaker for him. They kept trying to say that the caretaker was really to help her maintain her property or do her cleaning and thus that she should be responsible. But, she had a property manager and a regular cleaner and ultimately they agreed to pay. But this was in part because he was pooh-poohing his problems to them. They ended up agreeing to pay but were somewhat resentful. I think only belatedly did they realize that their father’s downplaying his problems and state because he didn’t want to become a problem for them was not helpful. He was a distinguished physician and he knew what was happening. He told ShawWife that he was dying (as various systems were starting to shut down). As he saw things declining, he invoked one of the ways that Canada allows for medically assisted death.
I think greater clarity early on – “Neither of us is going to be the other’s caretaker if they become ill and the expense of that should fall on the one who needs care” – would have helped. But, the BF still needed to admit to his kids that there was an issue.
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“Resentment and hard feelings all around”. Sorry if someone doesn’t ‘get’ that not everyone is blessed with financially comfortable means.
IMHO a son or daughter raised well with good values including those that make one a good spouse - absolutely far outweighs any financial contribution for a wedding or future financial help with adult children.
Hopefully the son/daughter is marrying a spouse who sees the important characteristics with a spouse and not ‘keeping up with the Jones’. The couple needs to set the wedding/honeymoon and life together within their means.
No lack of hospitality or love.
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Several years ago I dated a man who was in his mid 50s who lived “in the moment” and thus had no money saved for retirement.
“I’ll figure it out when the time comes” was not something I was comfortable with, and I realized that staying together meant I would be taking on a role that I didn’t want. As a friend murmured when I ended the relationship: ah…you opted out of being ‘a nurse with a purse.’
He was a nice guy, but saying you “live in the moment” when it comes to your finances lands differently with a potential partner when you’re in your 20s versus your 50s.
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My sister said they have the same expression in Mexico, a nurse and a purse
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I have a good friend who married at 70.
He’s a nice guy but as I’ve found out, he seemed to have worked many different jobs and still continues to work part time at 80.
He didn’t own a house and sold his car when they married. Whenever we make plans, it seems that she needs a ride, it’s not a problem but I’ve noticed that her new husband always has an errand or is going to his part time job.
She’s blissfully happy, he treats her well. They seem to do a lot together and they get along with each other’s children. Something that did not happen in her last marriage.
My honest opinion is that it came with a price that I wouldn’t probably do, but I’m glad she’s happy.
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We had our biannual meeting with someone who’s on the team of our advisor.
Like always, they go over our goals and expectations. Our projections of income and spending. If we are still doing ok so that our money won’t run out. The answer is that it’s probable that even if the market is below expectations, we will be fine. That’s always reassuring.
So when the advisor goes through the modeling process, they always go, you should have x millions left over to leave to your children, isn’t that great! And we have the option to donate part or all of our RMD’s to charity!
I’m happy that it always shows that we won’t run out of money. We have planned for that, our needs are modest and so are our wants.
But it always strikes me that like our parents, 3 of whom are still living, that by the time I’m gone and leaving money to my children, they may have already gone from their go go years of retirement to the slow go years. We are in our mid 60’s and I don’t see that we will inherit their estate for at least a decade. One of the parents seems to be in very good shape, the other 2 less so but will probably need care for this last part of their lives.
It’s a delicate balance to have enough money to fund the end of our lives and thinking about leaving money to our heirs. I don’t know the answer because it’s hard to have a crystal ball and know that giving money now won’t lead to not having enough in the future for our needs.
I pushed back a bit with the advisor that our children may be well be on their retirement.
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This is why we don’t give any money now. It’s there solely to fund our lifestyle and health needs until we die. Whatever’s left after we’re gone, we will “give” to our son.
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I am definitely in the camp of passing along funds to my kids before they are too old to really enjoy or need it.
We could have used some funds in our late 40s to help out with normal stuff like college etc. Getting a pile of money when I am 67 isn’t going to do much for us and those funds would probably trickle down to my kids.
Now I am not saying pass along too much that might cause us to run out, but smaller amounts could help.
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If you are in good shape on your own, I vote to forward all/most/some of what you get from your parents to your kids, that way they can get their hands on it sooner when it will be more helpful and you aren’t endangering your own retirement.
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Whatever we get from our parents will eventually go to our son in the leftover pile after we pass, no need to bypass. One difference for us from others here is the 40-year age gap between us and our son. It is likely that he will still be in his prime when we’re on our way out. Also, he has security through the military that others may lack. He is building his own wealth and doesn’t need ours.
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We are 39 years older than S.
My parents did not have money when I was growing up, we lived on a very tight budget. But after my siblings and I were grown and flown my dad started a business which became successful. They left a nice amount of money when they passed, but by then we were all in our 60’s. We are gifting money to our kids now.
I realize everyone has a different situation. We would not be gifting if we thought we would run out of money for our own retirement. I would never recommend that.
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The tricky part is knowing how much money to keep aside for the TBD long term care we hope to not need.
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My family story is that we’ve never had relatives live this long
I know there are some who had long living relatives, mine wasn’t one of them.
My last grandparent passed away when I was 25, I’m little less sure of my husband but I remember having small children so maybe his early 30’s?
They were still working. Grown children but still working. Any inheritance was to help their pot grow. Which they did.
We will have a different story. We have our own health issues and are navigating their health problems along side ours.
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