Our kid’s in the Army for a few more years and, most likely, will always be mobile. We don’t envision that we’ll ever live near him or not for long. Having two places, one on each side of the country, means we’re “closer” to him wherever he happens to be at the moment at least part of the year.
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I retired from my full-time job in 2021, but had the option to work up to several hundred hours an year, until everyone in my program was let go due to the federal job cuts just this year.
My husband is also “retired,” but works 20-30% time, doing ONLY things he really wants to do. He won’t be surprised if his funding gets cut, but it keeps his mind sharp and he’s happy, so he’ll hang on until it isn’t fun or he isn’t funded.
We didn’t need the money for any of the post-retirement work, but it did fund some nice trips.
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Your Costco is very different from mine. Shopping outside of business hours helps at most grocery stores, but Costco is always busy. I intentionally go during standard business hours, and I always find it packed, with huge lines.
However, I do find that one of the key advantages of not having a standard work schedule is to be able to go to locations when they are less busy. For example, yesterday I went to dog beach at 3pm. It was not particularly crowded, I found a parking spot, and the drive there/back was not bad. Had I instead gone on a weekend, it would have been a very different and likely much more negative experience.
We are planning on a full day hiking trip up Mount San Jacinto from Idyllwild next week on whatever day the weather is best (thinking Tuesday). Based on past experience, this is a tremendously better experience on a weekday than weekend. On a weekend, I expect it would be too packed to get a parking spot anywhere near entrance, passes would be sold out immediately, and rangers would be checking passes at entrance to trail. I intentionally plan full day hiking trips on weekdays, rather than weekends.
That said, your experiences are common. Many do not want to spend their retirement just lounging around and watching TV. It helps to find new interests that you truly enjoy, which would not have been possible with a standard work commitment. This might include hobbies, volunteering, or pursuing work-like projects.
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Ohhhh, I am sooooo jealous! You have my retirement life figured out and working the plan. If only, I could do that too!
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Can anyone here help me with a question about the WEP/GPO repeal? Specifically, for those who were penalized and then got the increase and back pay, during the time you were penalized, was there some indication on your statement or check etc.? I’m trying to help my father, long distance, to figure out why his WEP didn’t go away, or maybe why it was never levied as a penalty. He had 29 “substantial” years, not 30, so should have had a small WEP, we think.
ETA - this is relevant, I promise. I’m trying to figure out “how much” he needed which relates to how much DH and I will need.
I can send you a message about WEP and GPO, if you would like.
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The ‘big move’ for us will be happening after SIL transitions to his permanent job in their TX city sometime around April 2026. I suspect we won’t put our home on the market until spring 2027 unless we see a ‘hot market’ here and then will do what we need to do to get it show ready and get out.
We are working on getting rid of stuff now, organizing. I am mentally going from event to event this year - and am home after travel until a Memorial Day week trip with a group. Soon will find out the dates a friend from Switzerland will be in IL this summer (and so arrange to be there for some dates). I expect DD1/SIL will want me to come for 3 weeks in September with me flying in – I have offered, but they have to figure out their work carpooling so I have a vehicle to drop off and pick up kids M - F (with spending learning time with the older three after school pick up, especially 4K student and first grader - both boys who could use extra tutoring). We drive down over Christmas - New Year’s. We also will meet up with family in FL for Thanksgiving (travel by car).
I will need to document and track things that we will have to start new with in different state. It makes it easier as DD1/SIL have now lived in their place since July 2023 and have information on things we will transition with.
I am mentally ‘disengaging’ some in our current location to focus on the ‘new life’ in new state.
I might find DH wanting to linger in current location due to his hobby activity. But he won’t want to manage our home w/o me here and with me in TX city a lot, and I think he will realize grandkids trump his hobby.
Once we do sell our home, we will look to what we want to buy - with location/convenience being key on the home search. I don’t think DD1/SIL will be in a purchased home by that time, but they also want to be close to the grandkid’s school (which goes through HS) as drop off and pick up over the school year is significant for them. The daycare is convenient to the school. With 5 children, that is the key location.
We probably will continue with our local FA by doing remote meetings. We have a lot to set up in new state with wills etc.
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I made sure DD1/SIL were 100% for us living in their city, and they enthusiastically said ‘yes’!
It is a big effort for us, but the payoff will be the time we have with the grandkids and how they can benefit. The parents will have a ‘safety net’ - they both have to be working for their kids’ education and for them getting into their own home.
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Our single DD2 lives in FL and doesn’t need us to live close to her. She has told me she is going to be like DH and me having children later in life (her BF and her have been a ‘couple’ for 6 years) - DH and I had DDs the years we turned 38 and 40. DD1 is 31 now (with 5 children) and DD2 is 29 now.
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@anxiousmom, love your plan. We are hoping that our kids move to us. ShawD has moved from the West Coast to 20 mins away, but we are hoping that when she has kids, she and partner and family move into part of our house. ShawSon and his wife also says they would like to raise his kids in our town, but it is unclear whether ShawSon’s wife will find the employment opportunities here attractive enough – she has a senior-ish job at one of the big tech companies. But, we are keeping our eye out for houses on our street. If ShawSon’s company has an exit at some point, he would be able to afford a house on the street. Otherwise, though they both have good salaries, we would likely have to help them to buy on our street. But we are hoping that we can emulate you.
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Our niece (Air Force Lt Col) has a house in MD which she rents out. Her home in Tampa she purchased with 2.65% interest rate - she has been 3 years away (and has had it rented out) and now she will live in that house for 2 years or more. I believe she will be on the promotion list, but if not, she could finish out her service at this base. She also is a co-owner of her grandparents’ home in the town she grew up in, and she does plan to perhaps live there with military retirement and perhaps start a 2nd career. Her dad is DH’s closest brother, and our families are close.
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I don’t expect we will move very close to where any of our children are, at least until any kids they plan to have are born AND they are in what they believe is their “forever” home. (We live 1-2.5 hours from kids now). Kids I’m thinking we could move closer to currently live in a starter home and may move if they have kids. They are also fairly early career, and I wouldn’t want them to feel like they have to stay someplace because we moved there to be with them. I would not move unless it was someplace we were interested in living even if they decided to move.
Because of a job transfer, my husband and I moved after our children were out of high school.
I’m aware that it’s really hard to move, find your own friends and your own life outside of your children. How long it takes to feel comfortable with a new place.
My husband is happy here and the life we have. He’s not interested in moving to a place(es) where our life would be very different than it is now. I like my husband.
I feel that this is a very unpopular position and I feel like society wants us to be where our children are. Because if we love our kids, we should move to where they are. I feel like I’m failing. To be a good wife, I am being a bad parent.
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hmmmm - not at all. There’s facetime, planes to visit, and more. I have a relative who lives in Oregon, her husband passed, and her life is there. Her grandkids are in Tucson and in the Netherlands - Army family who has lived overseas 4 or 6 years.
She talks to them regularly and visits them at least yearly.
You do what is best for you - which includes life with your kids in some fashion.
No one is a bad parent just because their physicality isn’t in the same place. Nor is the child bad, because they left their parent.
Please don’t think like that.
You are living the life you want - and there’s nothing bad about it.
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I often thought we would move closer to D. I don’t love it here. But between medical providers and the uncertainty of D’s employment situation due to federal shifts, I’m glad we didn’t. Most days. Today is a day I could use her help!
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I have never heard or thought to be a good parent we should move where our kids are!
Impossible for many - kids all over the country/world within same family.
I know many wonderful parents who would not even think of doing that, and I can’t think of any I know IRL who have done that.
One of my daughters does have a friend whose parents did that, but now her friend and spouse want to move hundreds of miles away but are struggling with what to do because parents moved to be near them.
So many ways to connect and visit and spend time together.
BTW I think it’s totally fine to do that if that is one of your goals/needs/wants and your kids like it too, but not something to grade yourself on.
I know this is off topic - so I’ll add that traveling to kids when needed, even last minute expensive air -travel, is in the retirement budget, and has been used.
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I plan to move when I move to a senior facility near my kid when the time comes. I figure by then where I live won’t matter much. I expect my life will be mostly inside the facility.
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Both of my (divorced) parents eventually left MI for AZ. I was very, very clear with both of them that should not relocate to be close to me as they have seen me move many times and there is absolutely no guarantee I won’t move again so be sure their decisions are because the desert is where they want to be, not because I’m here at the moment. So, I felt no guilt when we started splitting our year between AZ and ME, telling them they are welcome to escape the heat and visit the cabin anytime, but we will never be in AZ year-round again and there may come a time when ME becomes our domicile.
From a previous post:
Though we miss our son and love being with him whenever we can, he has a life independent of us, and there is no telling how many times he’ll move or where he’ll land permanently, if he ever does. To us, it doesn’t make sense to try to live near him. How long would that last? Would he even want us close? How close is too close? Grandchildren wouldn’t change that.
A while back, I joked about noticing that the house next door to him was for sale. I quickly texted him and his fiancée with the link and a note, “Dad and I are taking a look!” then waited for the response. Fiancée texted back with, “Ha Ha! I see where ChoatieLT gets his sense of humor.” Son said, “We’ve already shown your picture to the neighbors. No go, mom.” Too close, I guess. But there’s another one just up the street…
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We downsized and moved closer to my daughter (we only have the one). We wanted to be close enough to get to her in an emergency and allow us to visit each other with a short commute. We are about a half hour by car and about 45 minutes by train (it is the walk to the train station that makes the train method longer). I feel it is a perfect distance. When we lived 4.5 hours away our visits were more imposing (staying at a hotel, requiring her to entertain us for a couple of days, etc.) Now either of us can visit for just a meal and we love to be able to stop by her place and drop off or pick up stuff.
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I consider myself lucky that D lives near me & S is a little more than an hour away. It just worked out that way. My in laws lived many hours from us and made pretty minimal effort to see our kids. My parents moved far away when our kids were in elementary school, and they made sure to stay involved in their lives. The distance isn’t the issue as much as the effort to stay connected.
I enjoy being near my GD and helping with her care. If they were to move away, though, I wouldn’t necessarily move where they go. It all depends.
Old age is a separate consideration for me. It was really, really hard when my mom had health issues and was so far away. My brothers and I managed to be there for her & my dad, but we really wished that they had moved back when her issues started. When my in laws needed assistance, H & I were in a position to see them relatively often despite the distance, but it was really hard on my SIL - she was a few hours away, and they kept calling her & insisting she run over. Eventually, my MIL realized that she needed to be closer to SIL. At that point, though, she was no longer interested in making friends - so she leads a solitary existence and depends too much on SIL. I would want to be closer, sooner if in the same position.
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