<p>I would go to a Home Goods, TJMaxx or Marshalls and get a stunning bowl or vase (doesn’t have to be big) at a great price (wrap it lavishly - lots of tissue and a nice, roomy box with beautiful paper and bow - I like to wrap), get a beautiful card and write a check for $100-200, depending on the finances.</p>
<p>Not less than $200 in a wedding gift. I will say depend of how close you are witht the Bride and Groom. If they are a very young couple starting a marriage, I’m more generous.
If I love them dearly–a niece, a nephew–even more generous.</p>
<p>I know we are not repaying the cost, but need to have that fact in perspective–Just a modic wedding dinner cost for person at least $100… </p>
<p>A monetary gift and something to remember is a great idea…but please a wedding frame is out!</p>
<p>The effort and expense to be there for the people you love is really the major gift. So give something with meaning to you and to them, or something that is arty and unique, or a couple of the filler pieces to their flatware or dishes. They will love you for it. Really. I do not remember how much anyone spent for my wedding gifts. I do remember and very much appreciate the people who made a special effort to attend.</p>
<p>$200 dollars after spending several times that to just get and be there is for people in the higher tax brackets. The notion of “covering the plate” offends me on so many levels. More on that later, if needed!</p>
<p>I have never ever spent anywhere near $400 on a gift. If it were me, I’d go to a nice gallery and find a pretty vase or bowl in the $50 to $75 range. Or a nice tray. Those were presents I got and they were incredibly useful.</p>
<p>The cost of the wedding is irrelevant - what you can afford is.</p>
<p>In northern NJ the typical wedding, with 150 guests, the average cost exceeds $30,000. Another reason I am glad to have only sons. When the time comes I will have no problem informing the brides parents that I think the cost of weddings have become something beyond ridiculous, and as a staunch traditionalist I expect them to bare the full cost of the madness.</p>
<p>I would agree that we all need to adjust our amounts up from what our parents gave 25 years ago…and I always try to keep in mind that when my husband and I go to dinner, with drinks, etc. it can be about $60…so is $50 really enough for a wedding? However, I am going to 1,000 
graduation parties this spring. (Yes, I realize the difference from a wedding, but just to make a point) I will not be adjusting the amount I will give based on if the family had to rent a tent/pavilion/is sharing a party with another family/is only serving dessert & coffee, etc… Those decisions are made by the party throwers to make their event what they want it to be.</p>
<p>I would suggest you give something special if you can find it, or generous if you feel you can, and don’t adjust it if it is an affluent wedding, if you have to travel, and so forth. I LOVE the suggestions of a unique and memorable gift…those are always the ones you cherish long afterwards.</p>
<p>And p.s. I also have amenesia about what friends/family are giving my son for grad…I am just glad they care enough to attend or send a card. I’m sure this couple will feel the same.</p>
<p>"and as a staunch traditionalist I expect them to bare the full cost of the madness. "</p>
<p>I have heard this phrase several times and that frankly surprises me. Even in India those traditions went away long time ago. My parents ‘shared’ the cost with bride’s parents 30+ years ago.</p>
<p>I am a parent of a son; I expect to help with any wedding that should come our way.</p>
<p>But the OP wants advice about wedding gifts. If we want a discussion about wedding expenses and the distribution of same, let’s start another thread.</p>
<p>I just bought a wedding gift for my 19 year old daughter to bring to the wedding of her 19 year old friend, who is getting married this weekend. We spent $45 - we purchased several kitchen items off of the couple’s gift registry. Our finances are very tight due to extended unemployment. We do NOT live in the northeast.</p>
<p>Check their gift registry. We’ve been to six weddings in the last year…only one family one. AND we never spent $400 on a gift. We looked at the registry and bought the couples things they could really use. One couple got service for 8 of the everyday dinnerware…$200. One couple got Polish Pottery Dinner plates…12 of them $300 (but four of us attended that wedding). One couple got money ($200) and they were very happy. One couple got their every day flatware ($200). One wanted to complete her good china…we got her two place settings…$250. </p>
<p>There were all kinds of items on the registries. Our DS is going to a wedding this summer and I seriously doubt that the bride expects her 20 something friends to cough up $200 EACH in gifts. </p>
<p>Oh…and for the record…one of the weddings we attended was a very wealthy family. They asked that donations be made to a charity they chose. We thought that was mighty thoughtful. The reality was they either had…or could buy anything they wanted to own.</p>
<p>We give what we want and can afford, I don’t believe in “covering the plate” nor do I believe that the anyone should be judged by the value of the gift. 22 years ago when my husband and I got married we received monetary gifts from $15 - $500. The elderly great aunts and uncles who were on a fixed income gave what they could, we were so happy to include them and I really think they were happy to be included. They had fun, we had fun. The larger gifts were from friends of our parents to help get us “started”. Now we are in that position and I love giving the $400 or $500 gift. I never feel it is expected, I just like being able to do it. If I couldn’t do it I wouldn’t feel badly, weddings are about your friends and family witnessing your commitment to each other.
As the mother of a son I would feel awful not offering to contribute to a wedding. My parents paid for my wedding and my in-laws gave us the 20% down payment on our first house. They also gave built us a deck and gave us a washer and dryer. Probably spent as much as the wedding!</p>
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<p>No, I don’t “need to have that fact in perspective.” How people choose to entertain is their prerogative, according to their own budget and personal tastes, and has nothing to do with a gift I might give the couple. </p>
<p>I find the idea that I “should” give more to someone who serves me a sit-dinner steak and lobster dinner at a nice hotel than to someone who can only afford punch and cake in the backyard reprehensible.</p>
<p>We usually give “useful art” type gifts, so it is somewhat unique, and does not have a price tag.</p>
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<p>Hoping they don’t bare too much!</p>
<p>all that aside, I’m one who weighs the wedding gift amount with several factors - closeness to the couple, ability to pay, etc. We have had to say no to the “destination wedding” for some family members… they had a wonderful time, but we couldn’t afford to be there for them. Their choice.</p>
<p>I personally dislike random gifts from most people, especially from people I don’t know too well. Wedding seem to be the time/place for those random gifts. The good thing is most stores include a gift receipt.</p>
<p>Is it tacky to return unusable wedding gifts?</p>
<p>no. it is not tacky to return unusable wedding gilfts - my late mather-in-law made it her mission to help me return/exchange gifts - and “bought” from me unreturnable ones - which she used to gift to her nieces/nephews getting married.</p>
<p>a friend just told me her daughter - married several years now, is still using her “credit” (from returned gifts) at a nice gift shop here to “buy” gifts for her friends’ weddings!!</p>
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<p>I was unsure as to the correct spelling so I goggled it. [And</a> I’m still not sure](<a href=“http://thesaurus.com/browse/bare+the+expense]And”>http://thesaurus.com/browse/bare+the+expense)</p>
<p>Some gifts are interesting and yet practical. For 21 years, we have used a large, pretty pasta bowl that we received as a wedding gift. It was probably not very expensive, but I like it. We’ve also used and appreciated some beautifully-carved wooden bookends for 21 years. Perhaps you can find something unique and yet practical as well. Perhaps oldfort doesn’t like random gifts, but I do.</p>
<p>Another consideration might be what is typical in the location of the bride and groom. I would have been shocked to receive even a $200 wedding gift from anyone other than our parents or very close relatives.</p>
<p>I may be wrong, but if I remember,
to bear means to shoulder a burden, or a load. To bare means to expose… something that we <em>DO NOT</em> want the newly-weds to do!</p>
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<p>To take it to the furthest extreme… what would you do for the couple who eloped, had a private wedding with only family, or had a justice of the peace wedding, then sent out announcements? By the logic of covering the cost of the plate, I guess this couple wouldn’t get anything.</p>
<p>I agree with the premise that it is not up to the hosts of the wedding to determine how much guests should spend on gifts by offering more and more extravagance.</p>