<p>I’ve only been in college for one year now, but so far, my mom hasn’t paid anything because she can’t, which I completely understand and accept. </p>
<p>I have a near-full ride with merit scholarships and FAFSA grants, so I’m fortunately able to pay the small amount of leftover costs easily enough since I work a lot.</p>
<p>I have some friends whose parents pay for their tuition and R&B, and these friends of mine also complain about not having a brand new, fancy car because they’re “smart and they deserve it from their parents.” </p>
<p>In my particular case with my particular friends, I feel blessed. I may not have a shiny new car like them or attend one of the most prestigious, expensive universities in the state, but I’m proud to say that I work for everything I have and that I love my mother for everything she manages to give me, like shelter, homemade meals and unconditional love. </p>
<p>I’ve always thought it depended on how much you make and how much it costs. If you are poor you can’t pay then your child either works ridiculously hard at a job for a more expensive school or attends one of their safeties that give a full ride. If you make a lot of money you probably want your kid to go to the best college possible but still be able to study so you pay a decent amount. I don’t see why you would ever want to make your child work 40+ hours to pay for college when you have money. To each his own I guess.!</p>
<p>The problem is that today’s college students are much less likely to be able to “work their way through college”. A generation ago, many working students were be able to self-support their room and board while also paying the then-nominal tuition at the in-state public university.</p>
<p>These days, the amount of money that a college student with no other specific skills can earn part-time is less likely to cover room and board costs, not to mention that the in-state tuition at the public university is much higher now than before. So a student is more dependent on either his/her parents or some form of financial aid or scholarships to be able to attend college.</p>
<p>We paid the full costs for both of our kids. We got a bargain in one instance because one kid chose to attend our state university, which was a lot cheaper than the private school our other kid chose. But that was just luck (and the fact that the state university was at the right level of selectivity for this kid and had an excellent program in his major).</p>
<p>My parents enabled my sister and me to finish our bachelor’s degrees with no debt. It was important to me to be able to do the same thing for my own children. And fortunately, my husband and I were in a position to do it.</p>
<p>My parents don’t contribute significantly to college expenses and don’t think they should have to. I’d like to think that if they realized the system is structured in a way that assumes they will at least assist, maybe they would have been more prepared and more generous, but they probably wouldn’t have been. They were all about college until it was actually time for me to go, then they thought, “well, that’s a nice dream, I hope you figure that out.” I don’t think they genuinely cared whether or not I got a college education, and even though they knew I couldn’t afford one on my own decided that was up to me. I am a little bit bitter, I admit-- mainly because they were not honest about what they planned to contribute and left me in the lurch at the last minute-- but I forgive them. I think they were within their right to handle it the way they did, I just think it wasn’t very nice.</p>
<p>My goal is to be able to save up enough to be able to send our kids to schools without graduating with an unmanageable debt load. Unless our financial situation changes significantly, which is doubtful, they may have to go to community college and/or commute for their bachelors degree-- and they will probably have loans. But we will save as much as we possibly can, and plan to limit the number of children we have to the number we can afford to educate… we’ll see how that goes. Maybe my perspective will change, but having the experiences I’ve had this past year I think not having major debt is more important than having an education, so we will do whatever we can afford even if it means not the best schools. Hopefully my kids will be more gifted than I was and get scholarships. I will not cosign for unreasonable loans like my parents did, but I will make sure my kids have other options.</p>
<p>I am grateful to be going into my marriage already agreed that this is a financial priority, especially since my fiance chose not to attend college himself. He doesn’t want to pressure our kids to go to school if they think, like him, it isn’t for them-- but we agree the money needs to be there for them to do something if they want to.</p>
<p>I really do think that parents are under some obligation to contribute to college expense given the ridiculous pricing of college today AND more importantly, the fact that colleges consider parental income when determining the price the child will ultimately be required to pay. The child is really caught between a rock and a hard place otherwise - - they can’t take out the required loans nor earn the level of money needed to attend if the parents’ income dictates that they don’t qualify for much need based aid. A four year degree is almost mandatory now for a job (of course some talented people do get by without one, but it’s not easy).</p>
<p>We intend to pay for undergraduate education (including room/board) in its entirety for our two children . . .and we do not qualify for aid. We are fortunate to have the income to pay for public or private . . .our oldest will be going the private route, but our younger child is gravitating toward OOS public so that will be a significant price difference. We’ve saved 75% of what we need for the oldest. We’ll manage the remaining 25% out of current income. In about the same boat for the younger child. If he decides upon a private school, it will be a little trickier, but hopefully the oldest will be self sufficient upon graduation (fingers tightly crossed), freeing up some extra money. </p>
<p>I do think the college pricing is beyond ridiculous though, and I think it is perfectly reasonable to insist on the in-state public option if that’s what is affordable. But on some level, parents need to realize early on that a college education is becoming non negotiable, and it is important to have a plan of some sort for providing it without leaving your child drowning in debt.</p>
<p>“The problem is that today’s college students are much less likely to be able to “work their way through college”. A generation ago, many working students were be able to self-support their room and board while also paying the then-nominal tuition at the in-state public university.”</p>
<p>This is so so true!</p>
<p>I went to Wellesley in the 1980s and paid $13,000 per year (full pay) in tuition. In today’s dollars, that is roughly $20,000 . . .a far cry from the price of $43,000 in tuition that Wellesley students will actually face next year.</p>
<p>I think it is a rare child who could pay the $20,000 per year by working, but perhaps with half in loans, it might be feasible to still attend and then pay off the loans in a reasonable amount of time. But $43,000?</p>
<p>I do not think parents are “obligated” to pay for college. Some families cannot. My own could not, due to medical issues of one, now-deceased, family member.</p>
<p>I did it myself, but granted, that was in a different age, when you could actually afford to go to college and still live in your own place, which is what I did. I also had the benefit of not being hamstrung by the unreasonable current rule that you be 24 or over to get any aid at all. On what planet are you not an adult until age 24? Gee, my kids have “adult mouths” for purposes of charging me more when they go to the dentist and they are still mid-teens! </p>
<p>I was younger than 24 and could not have managed today, without those few grants I got. </p>
<p>That said, we did plan ahead and attempt to provide for our kids’ education, with rental properties, instead of living in a nicer house ourselves. The bonus is that they earn free rides, a house is theirs to sell for grad school, keep, or whatever they choose. But the onus is still on them to make it work out to their best financial advantage, given what they would like to do.</p>
<p>I’m surprised that people don’t think what other people do or think matters. Your views about how to handle this (or just about any other issue) don’t spring out of your head spontaneously. They come from somewhere, and there’s a pretty good chance they are just based on what others in your family have done and not on some careful, well-thought-out philosophy. Also, your views may be out of date, especially if you think a kid can work his way through a selective college. Personally, I like to hear what other people are doing and thinking, because they might persuade me to change my attitude on occasion.</p>
<p>All that being said, I really don’t understand parents who don’t want to help their kids get a college education when they are financially able to help. I particularly don’t get it when they say they want to build character–but they have no problem taking merit and need-based aid that somebody else (i.e., me) is paying for.</p>
<p>There are so many factors that influence each of us in the choices we make. Part of it is choices we had been offered, part of it is our likely future, part is the talent we believe our children have, part is how hard we perceive kid has worked and is likely to continue working. Of course available resources is yet another factor. There are few easy answers to this costly issue facing many families.</p>