<p>I have been unsure about how much gift money to give the bride and groom for quite some time now. The way I see it, some of it depends upon your relationship - close = more $. I’ve also heard people say that they give based upon the per head cost. Opinions, please?? Thanks.</p>
<p>I’m wondering this too. I went to a wedding for my younger cousin that I am fairly close to and his now-wife in September and I got them a gift worth about 50 dollars. I have another wedding to go to in November for another cousin of mine (we are the same age and went through school together, so it’s not like we’re strangers - but he didn’t live with me like my other cousin did). So I’m not quite as close to that cousin, but their wedding is A LOT more classy/upscale then the other wedding was. (100+ per head/both me and my boyfriend attending) I was thinking about $50 again, or is that is not enough? I’m just not sure. I don’t feel like I should have to spend 200 bucks on them to make up for our cost of attending… it’s not my fault they are having such a costly wedding. 
I’m 24 so I’m not used to these type of things so any input would be great. </p>
<p>:)</p>
<p>For weddings, and if attending the reception, I’ve been taught the rule of thumb is to at least cover the cost of the meal and bar; ie, for you and spouse, sit down meal and open bar, I’d figure the going per plate prevalent in your area. If not attending, I’d cut it in half.</p>
<p>For family, close friends, what you feel is “right” depending on the circumstances and relationship.</p>
<p>No gift should be a burden if income or cash outlay is an issue.</p>
<p>Emily Post may have a field day with me, but I’ve never been the most socially acceptable guest to begin with. Probably why we don’t get invited to too many weddings. ;)</p>
<p>Edit: back in the stone age when the missus and I were married, I recall my mother insisting that we invite a number of NYC realtives as reciprocity, and my mother saying “Trust me, you’ll get it back”. She was of the school that covered the per plate, and when she & my dad attended anyNYC wedding the going rate back then for a normal reception worked out to be around $100. Well these same reciprocal invitees paid us back to the tune of $10 & $20 a couple. So much for reciprocity… </p>
<p>Give what makes YOU feel good and doesn’t put you out on a limb.</p>
<p>OK, How can it be 100+ per head? Are they paying for your hotel/travel? What kind of dinner/entertainment are you getting for 100+ per head?
Holy crap.<br>
Or are you factoring in the flowers, organist, chapel rental, and bridal bouquet?</p>
<p>Just kidding, Don’t let this get to your head. It will not only screw up your head for your cousin’s wedding, but when you get married, it will screw with yours too. </p>
<p>What other people want to spend on their parties (and that’s what this is, really) is their prerogative. It should not affect what you do. It’s a party. When you go to a party, do you feel like you have to “pay” the person giving the party? Of course not. Give your friend a meaningful gift from your heart. That’s the best you can (and should) do.</p>
<p>This will be my fifth wedding that I was invited to in the past six months. Two cousins and three friends. I have another cousin getting married in January or something like that as well. I guess it’s just because I’m at that age where all of my friends are getting married to people. Two of them I didn’t get to attend as they were in other states so I sent them a gift in the mail off of their registry. The one that I did go to I got a really neat serving plate set at Pier 1 which they really seemed to enjoy.</p>
<p>I don’t know how it’s 100+ per head. It’s in Delaware and all I’ve been hearing about is how it’s such an expensive place and how my mom (not so secretly) hopes I don’t have my wedding reception at a place like that 
We have a HUGE family. So I thought for them I would do cash as a present, but I just don’t know how much to give.</p>
<p>Wow, I’ve never even heard of the “cover the cost” idea. A gift is not an entrance fee: as doubleplay says, you should give from the heart, and what your budget allows. (And $100/head is nothing in some parts of the country…)</p>
<p>This is a hot topic in my family of origin. The average cash gift is generally about $100.00. My H and I give more if we are particularly close to the couple. On the other hand, nobody expects a college student or someone in their early twenties to spend $100 or more, especially if there is travel involved. I’d say that $50.00 is a minimum for a family member, especially if the wedding includes dinner/dance etc.</p>
<p>It’s going to be about an hour and a half drive each way… so I think doing about $50 again should be okay based on what sarahsmom says.</p>
<p>In th NYC metropolitan area, it is very average to be around 100 per head. I just did a birthday party for my parents at a banquet hall. It was 100+ per head after tax and gratuity, no flowers or band. We asked for no gifts, just their presence. Recently I was invited to a colleague’s wedding, all of us from the office decided we would give 100 per attendee (it was 200 for my husband and myself). Luckily we don’t get invited to too many weddings.</p>
<p>And I guess I am just <em>so</em> tacky, because if I go to a wedding where I know the bride and the groom well and I want to celebrate their marriage (as opposed to their wedding) I want to give a real and tangible gift. I want them to have something special from me.</p>
<p>This isn’t to say that I haven’t heard of the money gift philosophy … just that it’s not <em>my</em> philosophy.</p>
<p>I’m with doubleplay and booklady</p>
<p>A gift from the heart…if people want to be reimbursed for the cost of the wedding, they could spend less. This is not a retail event.</p>
<p>cnp, I don’t think that’s tacky. Like I said, I did real and tangible gifts at the other four weddings… I’m just thinking for this wedding I’ll go with a cash gift so they can use it for whatever they want. Most of their registry has been bought already and I don’t know them well enough to pick out a gift and know that they will absolutely love it… and they are looking around and buying a house so I’m sure the cash will be much appreciated.</p>
<p>I completely agree and I almost never give “cash”, but I usually SPEND about $100.00 on the heart felt gift. My sibs, however feel that cash is the best gift and encourage it. They think that it’s a nice way to give the couple a little nest egg to start with. It’s just an opinion of course and I don’t think that it’s at all tacky.</p>
<p>Agree with the majority. I never heard the “rule of thumb” about covering cost until fairly recently–no one in my family would’ve said that. It kind of implies that wealthier people get better presents.</p>
<p>I give from the heart, not according to an entrance fee.</p>
<p>We tend to give a gift card to one of the home improvement stores to just setting up housekeeping couples, holiday decorations to older “remarries”, a home made afghan per bride’s color choices to close female friends or daughters of friends. Two afghans went to sons of friends, and two divorces later when the bride kept the afghan, that tradition ended. </p>
<p>S recently went to out-of-town wedding of sibling of best friend, and he bought something off the registry, and he had paid a good sum to get there. </p>
<p>The purpose of guests at a wedding is to celebrate and support the marriage, as a social network, and helping to set up housekeeping is a gesture toward the stability of their new home. The couple should be happy to receive your good wishes, however expressed, but some folks do keep score.</p>
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<p>We recently went to a wedding where the per person cost was about $150 per person. Very lavish appetizer time, open bar the WHOLE time of the event, live band, sit down dinner, the works. We also had to travel a distance and stay in a hotel for the event. We gave the couple a $150 gift. Keep in mind we are the same age as the parents. There were a bunch of young guests with limited income, some still students. I seriously doubt that they sent gifts equal to the cost of the event per person. My own son wouldn’t be able to do that…he just isn’t a large wage earner. I would guess that his friends would not be inviting him in order to get a gift that covers the cost of him attending…they KNOW that is just not possible.</p>
<p>lorelei,
Unfortunately, my eldest sister is one of the score keepers and frequently gives lectures on the topic. I think that if you give a gift, it should be given without strings attached. When I was newly married, I went to the wedding shower of one of my nieces. I gave her a recipe book that I had made. I had asked our relatives and her MIL to be, to contribute one or two “All time favorites” to the book. The MIL made several contributions including her son’s favorites and a few from holiday meals. I did it up like a scrap book with colorful, hand done pages and hand written notes/tips. When she opened the gift, she was so touched that she started to cry. Now I do this for all of my nieces and nephew’s. It sounds really corny, but for a family that likes to cook, it hit the spot!</p>
<p>man, you should be a doll and send one to me when I get married sometime in the future :)</p>
<p>fendergirl,
Stranger things have happened!</p>
<p>my boyfriend took his moms recipe’s that she had laying all around everywhere - some tattered and ripped etc and typed them all online and made them into a recipe book for her two years ago at christmas, and then last year i ‘borrowed’ the book from her and he added in all of her new recipe’s that she had gotten during the year and ‘regifted’ it to her at christmas. She was suprised because she forgot I had even borrowed it in the first place. I don’t know if that will work anymore… so who knows how he’ll be updating it.</p>