<p>Exactly, Scout. Everyone’s kid is “brilliant” in our neighborhood, and when one mother says that her “brilliant” son will be at Stanford and the other mother’s will be at Princeton, I just smile. I’m a realist about my own kids’ chances but that’s my business, not to educate other mothers.</p>
<p>
Well, if you are talking to a parent who is claiming his son got in to Harvard on a full scholarship, nothing would be gained. So I wouldn’t say anything except, “How wonderful!” However, if you are having an informal college chat with a parent who is under the incorrect assumption that merit $$ is awarded at a school where you know it’s not, then you are being helpful to let them know the truth.</p>
<p>I can’t tell you how many times I was told about full ride to the ivies, Notre Dame, Boston College, Tufts, etc. & I assumed these stories to be true. The same thing happens regarding private high schools. Some schools award academic scholarships in our area. Some don’t. Often parents brag about their kid earning an athletic scholarship, when in fact it was a need-based financial aid award. The misinformation causes plenty of problems.</p>
<p>my kids are older than my friends kids , so I did find myself emphasizing some things that they are clueless about- the main one is- </p>
<p>NO you cant move to California and get instate tuition after a year of attending school there.
No really.
I know it was different 30 years ago.
Yes it * is expensive* for out of state.</p>
<p>No, they can’t claim independence if they file their own taxes…</p>
<p>People just don’t want to hear it, so I am now shutting my mouth, this year they will be applying for colleges, and I feel like saying " don’t come crying to me, I told you so" :rolleyes:</p>
<p>When my daughter was applying a few years ago, I agonized over this. I knew so much more than any of her friends’ parents, and I cringed as I watched. In the end, I kept my mouth shut unless I was directly asked for advice. It was just so awkward.</p>
<p>Now I feel freer giving advice, but I will only give advice if asked. My first piece of advice is telling parents they need to complete an online financial aid estimator ASAP, before they do anything else. I also direct parents to come to CC.</p>
<p>One of my friends has a daughter younger than mine. We discussed the whole college ap process as my daughter went through it, and talked about all the colleges my daughter visited junior and senior year. But when her daughter was a junior, they visited very few colleges and instead planned family vacations abroad. When her daughter was a senior, the mom groaned a lot about how little time there was to visit schools and make decisions. I couldn’t say “I told you so” because I had kept my mouth shut, but finally, after she directly asked me how we handled all the college visits senior year, I had to remind her that we started in the fall of junior year. It was awkward.</p>
<p>When it comes to financial aid, so many people just haven’t a clue about the difference between need-based and merit-based. A “grant” under a need-based plan is viewed as a scholarship by many people. </p>
<p>The saddest, though, are parents who tell me their kid isn’t going to apply anywhere because “they can’t afford $45,000/year.” So many schools don’t cost that much, and these tend to be people who would get need-based aid.</p>
<p>Since I volunteer in our local hs’s college center, I’m known by friends and acquaintances as the person who might be able to find the answer to your college question. Turns out that students aren’t the only ones who don’t read application instructions!</p>
<p>I usually frame a reality check answer in terms of S2, who will be a junior in HS, and the competition he will be facing even though he is a very good student. The conversation often turns to the match and safety schools he is looking into and what he is doing to prepare for the application process. It seems to be effective since it gives one a point of reference.</p>
<p>Having gone partway through the college search & application process with S1 who is a high school senior, I’ve been able to give SAT and SAT II timing advice to parents of S2’s friends (juniors in high school). This has been in response to specific questions by the parents. Otherwise they’re all pretty savvy and have smart kids, so they’ll be fine. My sense is that no one in my sons’ circles of friends is very caught up in the hunt for prestige; what’s important is the fit of the boy to the college. To that end, I’ve pointed out a couple of lesser-known colleges, but my mantra is that all the boys will end up at the college that’s right for them.</p>
<p>A parent helped me by passing on SAT II scheduling info…and I do try and pass that on.</p>
<p>Agreed, SS. I can just see many people being like me – I don’t care whether it’s financial aid, merit aid or Gatorade, as long as I don’t have to take money out of my own pocket, you can call it what you want! :)</p>
<p>I share information that I’ve gathered from getting my older child through the process. The SAT IIs is one area that seems to be a problem nationwide. Another piece of advice I give is to recommend that students try both the SAT and the ACT early on and see which test they perform best on. </p>
<p>It’s a delicate balance between trying to share information and giving advice. I think the earlier poster hit the nail on the head - stick with the info, be careful with unsolicited advice.</p>
<p>I admit I’m a bit more forward when it comes to family members. I stay on their backs about college preparation. I can’t help myself and I’m sure they’ll forgive me in the long run (-:</p>
<p>Very little…I do engage friends in a discussion of college when asked, however. I’m a firm believer in not taking on more debt than one can handle COMFORTABLY.</p>
<p>I agree with all above posters: No unsolicited advice except to correct a significant misconception. In my experience, the majority of people who ASK for advice really aren’t looking for information – they’re looking for validation of their own opinions. </p>
<p>“Isn’t it terrible that Harvard doesn’t accept women?” Biting tongue, biting tongue …</p>
<p>“Oh, no one around here takes the ACT.” Biting tongue, biting tongue …</p>
<p>“The SAT is an APTITUDE test, and you can’t prep for THAT.” Biting tongue, biting tongue …</p>
<p>I try to spread the word about the need-based aid available at many private colleges. A lot of parents seem to assume that only rich people can send their kids to private colleges.</p>
<p>I TRY to keep my mouth shut. Really. No, REALLY. ;)</p>
<p>Zebes, I help run the college center at our small HS and I LOVE it. Because our district is so small, we need parent volunteers to help our 2/3 time college counselor. We host visits from college reps, and hook kids up with them. We also talk about the college process with all grade parents and give a “parents perspective” talk at junior college night every year. It is very fun to learn about colleges of all kinds and help students find a perfect fit.</p>
<p>My nephew is going to apply to Stanford SCEA with A- GPA, not so outstanding SAT, no great ECs, but both parents are law school graduates(legacy, kind of). After a few too many “I think he should be able to get in” from my sister, I blurted out, “I don’t think it’s going to happen” or “when hell freezes over”(according to my husband’s version). She hasn’t spoken to me since.</p>
<p>no, no, no - not unless asked. Tried it a few times and some folks got their “knickers in a knot” about what I had to share. And so I tend to answer only what is asked - never straying to other topics. That’s what CC is for!
Such a sensitive and emotional topic - I’m not bursting bubbles - no way.
Shame cause I have only one and don’t feel like I’m able apply all that hard-earned knowledge on another kid. All these useless details cluttering up good space in my head. Again, I think that’s one of the reasons why I’m a CC addict. No problem giving out advice here…</p>
<p>oldfort, you held your tongue for as long as you could!! But there is no upside to telling someone that her kid lacks something or other. I foolishly did that once and was shocked at the effect (A mother asked why her kid didn’t bat higher in the line up. I thought she genuinely wanted an answer to the question and so answered that her kid couldn’t hit. KABOOM!! I was dumb and didn’t think).</p>
<p>As a Stanford Law School grad myself, I can tell you that law school grads’ kids are considered legacies (unlike some schools, where only undergrad seems to count). Legacy parents receive a letter from the Admissions Director that says–We value our graduates and legacy counts here at Stanford. If there are 2 candidates EXACTLY alike, than the legacy would get the tip. But let’s get real–when are two candidates exactly alike? I took the letter to be a way of trying to keep alumni donors happy, even though the school may have to reject their kid.</p>
<p>Unless you are a development admit ($$$$$), even having 2 alumni parents doesn’t count for much.</p>