Budget of course is such a personal decision – what is “worth it” to one person may not be “worth it” to another.
As a mom of four, I feel like we are always trying to find a balance – supporting each child’s dreams and futures, while also recognizing that everything won’t always be exactly equal every month or year.
One strategy we have found helpful to get a sense for what each kid truly values is to offer some tradeoff options to help them fully understand $ value. (Sure, my kids know what 20 bucks is when they go to the mall, but really – the larger numbers all blend together sometimes for a kid who hasn’t ever handled thousands of dollars.)
For example, I’ll just make something up – Let’s say my DD was scheduled to get our old car when she turns 16. I might explore with her: would you be willing to give up having that car and selling it to help pay for the price differential between the two schools? If the answer is a resounding YES! then I know more about how much she values the difference between the two school options. But if she hesitates, that is a valuable piece of information – knowing that she may like school B more than we realized. Again – just a random example, and not a really good one since BS kids don’t need cars. But my point is: discussing what tradeoffs might help us close the gap helps define the value better for kids, who sometimes may not fully appreciate what 5k or 10k a year truly means. Kids tend to put preferences into binary “I like A more than B” and the result is digging heels in on option A (at all costs) – so trying to help them discern how MUCH more they prefer something is a subtle, trickier business that involves appreciation for tradeoffs.
Writing the cost/benefits all down on paper can also help depersonalize the discussion, which can feel a little like “parents saying NO” to something, which causes heels to dig further.