<p>Dropped my freshman daughter off 10 days ago. She was a nervous wreck about going away. Up until the last minute she was worried she was making a mistake. A little shy, awkward at times, good grades come hard to her.And she kept telling me she going to make the 3 hour trip and come home the first weekend.( which i strongly discouraged) Luckily her roommate and her get along great and they met 2 other girls and a few guys and formed their own little group. She hasnt called or texted me since the 3rd day unless i initiate it! And when i do call her its like I’m annoying her! I am thrilled she is happy and apparently not home sick.When she was living at home she texted me more when I was working or running errands. Its so different from my older daughter who texted me several times a day all 4 years practically. So what does everyone do? I want to call at least maybe every other day just to see how things are going and to be honest make sure shes on top of things and not letting the new social life take the place of school work!</p>
<p>Funny, I was thinking of posting a similar inquiry today. Dropped mine off 2 weeks ago today. His first week of orientation included a 3-1/2 day trip where cells were not allowed. I committed I wouldn’t call or text the first week and leave all contact to him. He sent me a text his 5th day (telling me he’d seen Howie Mandell at a mall, haha) and called on the 6th.</p>
<p>The past week I got a text inquiring as to where I had put something when I helped unpack his dorm room. I sent him a couple of texts to look for some things I sent him (but he didn’t respond or acknowledge). And via text, I pressed for a phone call–which I did get yesterday.</p>
<p>If you aren’t hearing from your kid, the odds are strong that they are doing GREAT, having fun, active and busy. I know it hurts a bit (oh trust me, I know)…but its a good sign. </p>
<p>No offense, and its just my opinion, but I think a phone call every 2 days is too much. They need some space and this is about coping without us on the more transactional things in life.</p>
<p>I do plan on insisting on that weekly call though~!</p>
<p>Replace “daughter” with “son” and I could have written this post! It has been 2 weeks exactly, but he is 9 hours away, not 3. We’ve communicated about every other day since then, a couple of times using i-Chat, which is a hoot. (How can he need a haircut already? Must be the dorm food.) Mostly we’ve chatted on Facebook. FB chat has changed—You can “chat” even if the other party isn’t available. When they do log in, they can catch up. Of course, if we needed to get in touch immediately there’s always the phone. Important note about Facebook: NEVER post on your child’s wall or comment on other posts. That’s a quick way to get defriended!!! Best wishes to your daughter!</p>
<p>OP, you may not realize how lucky you are. When my D was a freshman she didn’t find that little group early on, and she felt like she never caught up socially that year, and was miserable. She texted me 10 times a day, usually to tell me how unhappy she was, often accompanied by begging to come home.</p>
<p>Trust me – Infrequent communication is a blessing.</p>
<p>And I agree with ProudMom: Don’t call her every other day. Set up a once-a-week standing telephone or Skype date, and resist the temptation to contact her in between. Let her spread her wings. If she needs you, she’ll let you know. Really.</p>
<p>My freshman D moved into her dorm 8 days ago. I have not called her at all, but she has called us about 4 times over the past week. She seems to be keeping busy and making new friends. I texted her several times, but definitely not every day. I have e-mailed her twice a day, but she only responded to one. My husband said I need to cut back on the e-mails!</p>
<p>Anyway, my D’s roommate and her mother appear to be attached at the hip. I’m beginning to think she’s a “helicopter” mom. My D said the mother and daughter text each other nonstop day and night. The texts from the mom start coming in around 6:30 am. After her roommate moved into the dorm last Saturday, she went back home for 2 days. Then she went home again this weekend. My daughter thinks her roommate will probably be going home every weekend which is disappointing.</p>
<p>In my opinion, technology has made it way to easy for parents and children to communicate with each other to the point where it is TOO MUCH! Even though I am tempted to call or text more often, I have had to use restraint.</p>
<p>And I know what they say about that BUT, it really is so hard. The questions running through my brain.
Did she make nice friends, the right friends, is she partying, is she doing her school work, etc, etc, etc.
And I agree from the poster above, I should be greatful its going this way and not the constant texting and calls that shes miserable. I did have that with the oldest, my middle daughter for some reason I didnt expect to be in contact with as much because of her personality, shes always been very independent and the type I will call you when I need you. I guess this being the baby and last is different as well. Okay, so I will back off and let her take the lead! Really, I will…</p>
<p>Stay strong, noclux!!! It is true that all the available technology to communicate is a great temptation, but the last thing I want to do is interfere with S becoming independent. I remember back in the 80s I had to limit my phone calls home (long distance $$$, you know), and snail mail happened infrequently. It was a built-in temptation-buster. Thank goodness I don’t text—NOT even interested. Once a week Mac i-Chat (or Skype) is awesome!.. umd, that roommate of your D? I just don’t get it. I hope your D makes good friends with her neighbors.</p>
<p>I never called my kids or texted them unless it was in response to a call/text to me. BUT I did send them emails asking them to call me. We had an agreement that they would call ONE time a week at their convenience…and if they did so, I would pay for the cell phones.</p>
<p>When I went to college in the mid-70’s, we had one pay phone in the hall for about 25 girls to share. There were no phones in the rooms. If my parents wanted to call me, they had to call the pay phone, someone would answer, and they would knock on my door. If I wasn’t there, they would leave a message on my door. Then my parents might have to wait days before I would get around to calling them back. My poor parents. Now the shoe is on the other foot.</p>
<p>Noclux3 - If your daughter acts like you are annoying her, you probably are doing just that. Give her some space. I really do know how hard it is, my only child is now a Junior and I checked FB about 5 times yesterday to see if she had been on and written a status. I am a little obsessive, but she doesn’t know that. 
And I have learned that if she is not in contact with me or on Facebook much, it’s because she is so busy with schoolwork and having fun. Which is exactly the way I want her to be. She is not a phone talker, so we only talked twice last year - once because she called me on my birthday, and once because she had an emergency due to her own procrastination. I must say, though, that I do get to see her once a month - she comes home to work at her summer job in order to keep the job for the next summer. I know that we are very lucky to see her this much. Hang in there.</p>
<p>I asked D about her expectation on keeping in touch before she went and said was once a week reasonable. Her reply, “If you haven’t heard from me in a week, you’ll know I am dead.” Obviously she intended to stay in somewhat more touch.</p>
<p>Since we left campus on Friday, she called us Sat. night, and 4 times today, but only because 1) she is sidelined by the flareup of an ankle injury and 2) had to skip (not at all reluctantly) the rest of the orientation activities. So she calls us when she is bored and the hallmates are out. Mostly just chatting and asking one or two technical questions. We expect it will taper off once she is in class and no longer injured. I think once or twice a week is great, but will leave it to her to initiate.</p>
<p>S1 was a freshman last year and everyday for the 1st week he sent home an e-mail listing all the fun things he had done during orientation week. I thought great, I’m going to hear everything going on at school. WRONG. After that, I hardly ever got an e-mail from him. I insisted before he went to school that he had to call me once a week (which I thought was reasonable) and if I didn’t hear from him I would call him. I had to do this several times just to make sure everything was ok. After spring break we sent him back with an illness and I asked him if he’d at least e-mail me once a day just letting me know he was alive, but this seemed too hard for him too. We just dropped him off for his second year…I’m not expecting much!</p>
<p>UMD, I had a roommate freshman year who went home every weekend and who I had zero in common with. I just made other friends on my floor. Your D will be fine. </p>
<p>I don’t really believe it’s all that important for roommates to become fast friends. Which can be a blessing as best friends can have horrific fights with each other. </p>
<p>I emailed my son once so far to tell him he my friends daughter was bringing up some things he left at home, he texted DH to tell him he was back from the AESOP trip and called later that night to tell us about it. Phone call lasted less than 5 minutes. Then he called this morning to tell me the zip car stuff was being mailed here and to bring it up on parents weekend. </p>
<p>We’ve asked he contact us at least once a week to let us know he is alive. I don’t care if it’s by text, email or phone. I will probably email him every so often and if it’s something really important I will text him as that is and always has been the best way to contact him. </p>
<p>I agree with the poster who said technology has made it too easy for kids to stay attached to the apron strings. I had to call home once a week and we didn’t talk long as long distance was $$$. That was it. And we all somehow managed to survive on our own. Funny that. ;)</p>
<p>No calls, but I’ll send my S a text about once a week or a little longer. I think D’s want a little more frequency than that-- at least mine did.</p>
<p>We established once a week as the minimum for us, usually Sunday afternoon/early evening. He has graduated and we still ask for a weekly contact. Of course, he likes more contact with us if he’s in a new situation with no friends around, especially in a different country. Most girls communicate much more often with their Moms. Stereotype, but it’s true for everyone I know. Some are alarmed by how often their daughters call–can’t they make a decision on their own? But there is a wide range of normal and healthy on this. We let our son know that we always like contact with him, but only expect it once a week. We text if we need to ask something specific.</p>
<p>@Eddieodessa—I feel your sheepishness from Odessa to DFW. I’m a Facebook stalker of son too. However, HE doesnt have to know that little factoid!</p>
<p>Noclux3, maybe that’s a solution for your maternal angst…do you have a FB page and has your daughter “friended” you?</p>
<p>DD is a HS senior at a residential school about an hour away. She calls DW unprompted if she needs something, including advice. (If I answer the phone, it’s “Hi, Dad, howareya, is Mom there?”) If a week goes by without hearing from her, DW sends a text, “Thinking about you, call when you can,” and she usually responds within a few hours. I’m an officer in the parents’ association, so I’m on campus a couple times a month for various reasons, and I often take her out to eat when I’m there. I get an uninterrupted hour or so of her time, which never happens when she’s at home, and I cherish those times. </p>
<p>Sent from my SAMSUNG-SGH-I897 using CC App</p>
<p>We’ve set a deal for once a week contact, generally by phone. It was almost exactly a week after drop off that we got a call. Since then, some IM via skype which is a nice, low key way to converse.</p>
<p>I’d like to hear from mine a little less, actually. She texts, calls or stops by every day (attends school locally, at my employer). I would like to think she’s so busy making new friends she’s not thinking of me.</p>
<p>Have sent 4 children to college, they must call me, text me, email me, I wait for them to contact me. S has been at school for one week & have not heard from him, but that’s OK. Usually it is about something like sending a package of items left behind at the beginning of each semester. It would be nice if S would call us, but he has not. (Sophomore)</p>