<p>I think sending texts is a great way to say hello without interrupting whatever they’re doing. My first is a rising junior, and he calls when he’s not feeling super busy with his classes. When he has a busy semester, I sometimes go 3 weeks without hearing from him. Other times I’ll get a few calls a week. I kind of expected to never ever hear from him, so it was a pleasant surprise. Now I have S2 leaving in a few days for his freshman year. I’m curious about how often I’ll hear from him. I’ll send care packages and texts occasionally, and follow his lead on actual phone calls.</p>
<p>When D1 was in school, we communicated whenever we wanted. She called me when she was walking to and from classes. Fri afternoons, after her classes ended, we would do some virtual shopping online. Now that she is working, we’ll email each other, and speak few times a week, and maybe having a meal together. </p>
<p>We are moving D2 in today. She is not as communicative as D1, but can be more needy. I think we’ll have just as many calls, but shorter. She has done sleep away summer programs, and she likes to call once in the morning and once at night. </p>
<p>We raised and lived with them for 18 years, don’t understand why it would be intrusive to keep in touch. Frankly, sometimes we don’t have the time to talk to them, but I make the time for them.</p>
<p>I have two sons…both now graduated. I heard from them very infrequently when they were freshmen. Sometimes I’d send an email and request a response just so I’d know they were alive. As the semesters went by they got better. By senior year we probably heard from them once a week/ten days. </p>
<p>In general, if you have a son don’t expect a lot of calls.</p>
<p>Facebook is useful for kids who are not as likely to stay in contact. I would check it to see whether DD had posted in the last week. She was never a huge FB devotee, but usually something would happen in a week.</p>
<p>Packmom…I concur. Those darn boys! 
Ours is at a Service Academy, so time is even more limited and regimented. Longest stretch with NO (nada, zip, nuttin’) contact was a month. Grueling.</p>
<p>Daughter is at civilian college, and we hear from her when boy situation is good or bad, when she is struggling with a teammate, or had a particularly tough test. So…basically every week, at least.</p>
<p>Facebook is my failsafe method, for D at least, of knowing that they are alive. </p>
<p>Letting go is tough. I’m learning that no news is most likely good news, but I still tend to go into crazy mom, stalker mode after about 10 days of quiet.</p>
<p>This question gets posted every year and always makes me sad!!! </p>
<p>Surely this varies from family to family. What has worked in the past for your family? Texting, talking, sharing is a good and healthy thing! I can’t imagine one of my kids NOT sharing lots with me with all those new experiences happening, just cause that is what we’ve always done naturally! </p>
<p>I know not all kids/adults/families work this way. But if you were more chatty, keeping in touch when they were home, it CAN continue! Now there is a difference between chatting and expecting a “report” or constant questioning!</p>
<p>I have one done with college (who still texts, emails or calls - one form or another) pretty much daily and I have a S who will be a junior in college this year - I generally hear from him daily too - it might just be a good morning text, a random complaint about a roommate, a picture of food from a restaurant he’s at or a pic of the campus view he has from the spot in the library he’s studying at. </p>
<p>So…my point is…why not keep up the communication you had at home? Sometimes it just sounds to me like parents are sending the message that “you are going to college and you will be on your own so we will now sever the line of communication we have had for the last 18 years”. As long as you are not hovering, doing too much hand holding etc, what’s the harm?</p>
<p>Abasket, I agree with keeping up the communication we had at home. S is not the great communicator but when he lived at home, I would ask him how his day went. So, now that’s he moved away to college, a simple “how’s it going?” text from me doesn’t faze him. We have good conversations but I usually initiate it. s almost always calls at the end of the month when rent is due. ;)</p>
<p>D is leaving for her freshman year and it’s more natural for her to talk to DH (because of her sport) while she and I talk about food! :)</p>
<p>For both, texting pics of our dog is a great conversation starter. They are always asking about him. Sometimes, I’ll send a pic of him doing
something silly. S’s favorite one is dog dressed up as a
pirate for Halloween.</p>
<p>My kids and I probably won’t communicate everyday but we have no problem texting or calling at any time.</p>
<p>“So…my point is…why not keep up the communication you had at home?”</p>
<p>Umm…because they are not at home. And they are not children anymore. If we were talking about going into the military instead of heading off to college, I doubt you would ask the same question. (In fact, my friend whose son just enlisted in the Army was not allowed to contact him for over a month.)</p>
<p>My son and I are very close, and I’m sure always will be. But I have to give him some space and foster his independence. Maintaining the level of communication we had when he was in high school is neither feasible nor prudent, in my opinion. It is not about “severing” communication–just acknowledging that things are different now. The college years are a time to grow and develop. They are a transition phase. Would you text or call your child at the same level of frequency when he is working at his first job? Getting settled into life with a new wife? Busy with a baby? We have to let go sometime. It isn’t about us, even though OF COURSE we want to stay connected and celebrate our children’s accomplishments.</p>
<p>Sorry Sally, I still disagree - for our family. The texting is not based on our kids asking us how to tie their shoes or when to study for a test…it’s just sharing everyday life moments that they/we want to share. My S and I have talked about the green bay Packers games since he was 3! It’s natural to touch base (if desired - not required!) during or after a game for instance . To me ( and apparently to them according to how they choose to communicate) it would be awkward to ignore those moments just cause we are miles away.</p>
<p>My comments were made to point out to a new freshman parent that the right contact is the contact that naturally feels right - what one family does is Bly right for them - no rules to follow!</p>
<p>And by the way, yes, when my D got her first professional job out of college SHE texted contacted me even more! New experiences! New successes! New adjustments! There were many, many contacts - initiated by her to share the new phase of life - not because she had to or I required it, it simply happened naturally. </p>
<p>We are family. We happen to like to share. If you do, embrace it. If you don’t that’s fine too- I just hate for the thought to be going off to college = slash in communication.</p>
<p>When my S was in the military I was lucky to hear from him at all. Email was possible at times when he was on a ship, but they were usually short and to the point and I really got very few. On base he’d call sometimes and once when there was a buge transportation problem and he was stuck for hours, he called and we had a long talk just to pass time. </p>
<p>D was away at college last year (this year she’ll be at home going to a local college). Usually she called me-more often in the beginning of the year, less as the year went by. I only called her for really important issues. We’d text often and if we found ourselves on FB we’d chat. DD is older and wasn’t away from home for the first time, though.</p>
<p>I think it’s important to remember that this is the first generation that’s grown up being accessible 24/7. When we went to college if we were lucky there was a pay phone in the dorm or maybe we rented, at great expense, a room phone from which we’d make expensive long-distance calls. There were no emails, FB, Skype or cell phones, just snail mail letters. Our parents would probably be shocked to think we’d even want to have such close contact with our adult kids.</p>
<p>abasket, I completely understand. You were asking “why not” keep up the same level of communication, so I tried to offer another perspective. I am new to this and I am sure my philosophy (and restraint) will evolve. And I’m sure my son will want to call us (or at least his dad) about many things, including the Packers. :)</p>
<p>We hear from each of our sons at least every few days. But that is what works for us, and may not work for your family.</p>
<p>Once when we were with youngest son, I made a comment about being lonely (new city for us parents) and missing him. He was incredulous that I just didn’t call when I was in the mood…he thought it was really stupid of me. When I told him I was respecting his independence and knew I would generally be hearing from him soonish anyway, he still thought that was stupid. His view was that he called or texted whenever he wanted, so why shouldn’t I do the same?</p>
<p>We greatly respect our sons’ privacy and independence. But we are also glad that our sons think beyond themselves. They may not always need to give us a call…but they know it makes us happy when they do, and they value making us happy. A quick call while walking across campus makes my day and did not impinge on him at all…and since I have heard from him, at a time that was good for him, I am much less likely to worry unnecessarily or have a hissy fit because I haven’t heard from him.</p>
<p>My parents call my sister and me everyday. Sometimes twice a day. Some days it will be for about a minute or 30 minutes. They usually expect me to call first but if I don’t then they call. It may be annoying at times but deep down I know they really care about me.</p>
<p>there is no rule…do what you and your child are comfortable with… S2 and i talk or text frequently… he went to a boarding school (math/sci school) for hs and we had some form of communication everyday…in college, its a bit less…but i think it works for us…i’m sure i annoy him at times. if he’s busy, he tells me he will call back, or wont respond to a text for awhile… no big deal</p>
<p>you may be comfortable with more or less… but always in the back of my mind (not to be morbid) but god forbid something bad happened and i had not talked to him because i had some rule and was “afraid” i had intruded. it takes 2 seconds to text i love you,</p>
<p>i agree with boyx3 post</p>
<p>DS1 heads out in week and I expect we’ll hear from him once or twice a week. When DD leaves in two years, she’ll probably be in daily contact. I agree with “go with what feels right for your family.” As kids become adults, your relationship changes. I live across the country from my parents and siblings. I talk to them a couple of times a week and text my sister often. If my mom knew how to text, I’d text her daily too! Once I became an adult, my relationship with my parents added the “friend” piece and I think it will for my kids too.</p>
<p>It was sooooo expensive to make long distance calls when I was in college but I would have really liked to have been able to call a bit more often than every two weeks or so.</p>
<p>Waving at parent56.</p>
<p>I like boysx3’s post (#32): it expresses so well how I feel about calls and texts. My son traveled from home to his off-campus apartment yesterday, about a four-hour road trip. My girls would have called to say they had made it safely; my son didn’t - not a big deal in the overall scheme of things. I assume he arrived safely because I would have heard otherwise by now. (Yes, I know I can call him.) Still, the phone call would have been a considerate nod to the person who filled his gas tank before he left.</p>
<p>For our S freshmen year was a big year for him to display his independence. The calls and texts were infrequent. At the time it was very hard because he was 6 hours away and we were close. He is now a senior, after that first year he got his feet wet and established himself and we hear from him phone, text, email at varying times, just as I would expect my adult son. I think it is a process they “grow through” for some it is harder than others.</p>
<p>I think it’s helpful to set a plan with your kiddo before he/she sets out so there are no expectations/disappointments. And, of course, the plan can change!</p>
<p>We asked our generally uncommunicative S to call once/week - and he did faithfully every Sunday and will do same this year as a sophomore. I texted occasionally or would send him funny pix of one of the cats and never got a response, but I think he appreciated it nonetheless. Or I hope so.</p>
<p>If there was an issue - and there were a few freshman year - he did call or text as we worked things out. As long as I know he’ll do the weekly “I’m alive” calls and will contact us if needed, I’m set.</p>
<p>I agree completely with boysx3 our D wants t hear from us. She moved back last Thursday for 10 days of RA training and is in her senior year. She wants to send her a txt anytime, she may not answer right away but that is fine. For 3 years now just like clockwork we get a txt every night at 9:30 just to say " good night and I love you. She had not missed a night and we never asked her to do this, it is her way of still being a part of our daily life.</p>
<p>We usually talk with our son once a week on Sunday afternoon or evening. We didn’t communicate with him during the week, unless its something special. But the things are much different with our daughter. We usually talk with her 2 or 3 times a week or write messages.</p>