<p>DH and I need to travel for two nights. Our 15&1/2 yo DS is asking to stay home alone while we are gone for the first time. He will be in school at this time. We have a dog and a security system. Neighbors on both sides are friendly and would be happy to be on call. I’m just not sure if this is too young. He is trustworthy, but he is also a teenager. I am worried that he might become afraid late at night. Thoughts?</p>
<p>Can he stay at a friends house?</p>
<p>Yes, staying at a friend’s house is a possibility. He brought up staying home on his own. It will be the first week of school and I think he feels it would be an imposition on the other family, but I am comfortable with asking them to keep him. I am also willing to entertain his request to stay on his own… just not 100% certain that it is the right decision.</p>
<p>I would worry more about whether his friends would turn up & start getting into mischief, once they knew he was home alone for the night. Or friends of friends.</p>
<p>This happened years ago to my cousins. The oldest son was having a party, first one he was allowed to have inviting a lot of h.s. friends. Suddenly the door opened and the “bad boys” came in. Oldest S was terrified. Fortunately for everyone, my uncle was home. Parents had refused to allow a no-adults-at home party, despite much pleading. They promised they would make themselves scarce, and they did. But when Big Daddy appeared at the top of the stairs, the Bad Boys skedaddled. </p>
<p>I would ask, why does he want to stay home alone while you are on your trip? Is it because the place you are going is crashingly boring and he really wants to be at home going to school? Or is it because he has other plans, possibly, that he is not telling you? Even good kids, or their less than good friends, can have ideas about doing things when Mom & Dad are not around.</p>
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<p>He’s a 15 year old boy… Barring some unknown circumstance what is a 15 year old boy going to fear? </p>
<p>If he is trustworthy then what’s the problem? You have adults nearby in case of emergency and possibly to snoop, err check in. Since he did bring staying at home alone up this would be a perfect opportunity to show that you do trust him.</p>
<p>There is a 15 year old going to Harvard. He should be ok…</p>
<p>Sometimes the issue isn’t the comfort in being home alone, but how friends/acquaintances respond to the information that parents are away. Also, once that is okay to do, you have set a precedent that, ironically, may present more issues at 17 than it does now. Just something to consider.</p>
<p>It’s the friend thing. Or maybe kids who really aren’t friends.</p>
<p>If high school kids find out that another kid is home alone overnight, they may drop in with the intent to party, and it is very difficult for the resident kid to keep them out, especially if they show up in a group.</p>
<p>For this reason, staying with a friend is safer. Alternatively, do you have an adult relative who could stay at your house for the two nights? </p>
<p>Another possibility – though less secure than either of the above – would be if he could invite one trustworthy friend to stay with him (with both of the kids keeping their mouths shut about the fact that there is no adult in the house). If the dreaded batch of kids who want to party shows up, the friend could call his parents, who are nearby, and once they show up at the house, the group would quickly disperse.</p>
<p>That is too young. If something were to happen (God forbid) you would have some serious problems. And if you do choose to let him stay alone, make absolutely sure that he doesn’t post that on his Facebook!</p>
<p>I’m with Marian. </p>
<p>We have an only S and I know he would be fine on his own…I worry about friends and friends of friends. Our S is pretty responsible but the he is a teenage boy with a not fully developed brain and usually when he does something “dumb”, it’s been with a friend.</p>
<p>I wouldn’t do it. If you had no other option, I could understand. I trusted my S at 15 so for me it is not about trust. It’s about not putting them in a situation that they may not be ready for. No need to take that chance.</p>
<p>I would not do it.</p>
<p>Sometimes bad things happen unexpectedly and it’s the connection between a risk taken (or a mistake made) and the bad thing that precipitates disaster. Could you live with yourself if during that trip something happened that required wisdom and experience to make a safe decision? When my kids were younger, our next door neighbor’s house literally blew up and we had to be evacuated by the fire department and relocate for a couple of days. It was no biggie for us because we weren’t scared, inexperienced kids. I wouldn’t trust my 15 year-old to know how to deal with the fire department, the Red Cross, and making evacuation arrangements, and stuff usually happens at the worst possible time. A little boy was murdered in Brooklyn yesterday on the first day he was allowed to walk home from camp. The first day. It just happened that his path crossed with a murderer. If the family had waited one more day (or not at all), the police wouldn’t have found his dismembered body in a refrigerator. My point is that life and childhood are too short to take unnecessary risks. A couple of years from now your son will be old and wise enough to take unexpected events in stride. That may not be the case now. Don’t risk it.</p>
<p>How far away will you be? What kind of friends does he have? Has he gotten used to being in the house alone during the day? Is he used to preparing his own food? I would allow it, with supervision of neighbors/no friends in the house while parents are gone. Also, he shouldn’t tell friends that he is home alone. I think the dog will help keep him company. (If he seems too “eager” to stay alone, I’d wonder if he was making “plans”–Risky Business?-- with friends and be less likely to allow it. You know your kid. My friend left her (older) teenage S with instructions that no friends should be in the house–he had a big party–lots of people sleeping all over the house including a couple–not their S–in the parents’ bed! Her S washed the bedding, but didn’t put the sheets back on “mom’s way,” and that’s how he was busted. )</p>
<p>I left my 16yo D “alone” overnight several times–with 5 younger siblings. (H was working in another state, I went to look for houses with him). Though D was used to babysitting, she admitted that the first night without mom in the house they were so scared that ALL 6 of them slept in Mom & Dad’s bed! (That really surprised me because they aren’t the type to get scared by noises outside, etc.)</p>
<p>Everyone is making excellent observations. I sure agree with CalifLax about friends influencing DS. I am confident that he would not blab, FB, or text others about staying alone. Only neighbors would need to know. He actually has taken over securing the house for the night this summer as he stays up so much later than DH and me! I know he could handle it if necessary, just not sure that is really appropriate to do so.</p>
<p>I agree with marian and travelnut. Kids will show up once they hear the parents aren’t home. Then you’re liable for underage drinking and any accidents that happen in your house while you’re away.</p>
<p>I wouldn’t do it. </p>
<p>We’d all like to think our kids are perfect. Tell that to the local mom who went out of town and left her 17yo alone. He threw a party, a girl died, and he’s been charged in the case.</p>
<p>We left D2 at home when she was 15 or so. My parents lived only 10 miles away, but she was more comfortable at our house with her books, laptop and her clothes. She thought it was more difficult to move all of her things to our parents´house. It worked out just fine. We knew D2 was not one to have people over while we were away because she wasn´t into cleaning up after anyone.</p>
<p>One time we were away, we got hit with a 2´snow storm. We parents were really worried about D2, so as soon as they were able to get out of their house they came over to ours. They said by the time they got to our house, our driveway was plowed and D2 was just having a bite by herself.</p>
<p>I don´t think there is anything wrong in leaving a 15 year old at home for few nights, as long as there are people close by he could call in case of emergency. I would also leave a note for medical treatment with a friend just in case.</p>
<p>My parents started leaving us alone overnight when I was 18 and younger sister was 14-- that just so happened to be when they started having places to be overnight. We are currently on our own from about last week until September now. Getting scared is STILL an issue when one of us is home alone at night-- if I were in a little apartment it would be fine, but a big empty house is a different story. And running the house even just for a week is a ton of work with grocery shopping, cooking, lawn care, pool care, vacauuming, etc. My sister, who is now 18, still can’t handle it by herself. If ANYTHING out of the ordinary happened (bad storm, kitchen fire, power outage, anything) she’d crumple and have no idea how to handle it-- that’s already happened in the week since my parents have been gone.</p>
<p>As a non-parent but as a kid that has done a lot of house sitting, my sense is that if you had no other option he’d probably be fine, but if you had other options you should take them. Watching a house is a big responsibility, and sure it’s easy when nothing’s going wrong-- but when something is wrong it’s really not that easy and most kids don’t have the experience to handle by themselves. There’s no need to rush into placing this kind of a responsibility on a kid.</p>
<p>Its funny how horror stories take over when we think about leaving our kids alone. I know that bad things can happen in houses and neighborhoods, but we carpool our kids, put them on buses, let them go swimming, send them to highschool… any number of events that can end in horror. That’s the risk of simply living life. In less than 3 years, DS will be 18 and off to college (hopefully!)
His 18 yo brother is 400 miles away at college doing his thing. I have little control over his day to day life, yet I feel secure know that he rehearsed for living independently while in our home. So, while these awful stories are possible, I think we just do our best to prepare and trust that everything will be fine.</p>
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Then you surely know firsthand how vast the gulf is between 15 and 18.</p>
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I’m not a trusting soul with regard to my minor children’s safety (what is the law in your area?), but I wish you the best!</p>