I am currently a freshman in my second semester a relatively small D3 school in the south. It’s been my dream to play college soccer. I was recruited to this school to play soccer (invited to preseason) but I shat myself, played terribly (anxious/stupid mistakes) at all the wrong times when the coaches were watching me and I was one of the 7 players cut that preseason. I had 6 D3 offers my senior year of high school to play at D3 schools. This school is alright. I have some close friends. But a lot of things suck here. Soccer is not the only reason I want to transfer. I have many reasons, but soccer is the main one. I have reconnected with one of the colleges that wanted me to play for them last year, and they would love for me to come play at their program. They have a new Head coach. I visited them during a break on a recruiting trip to see the campus, meet the team, and play with the team to give the coach an idea of my abilities. This college is much close to home for me (less than 60 miles away compared to 1000+ miles). Recently after emailing the coach, he said he would love for me to transfer and be part of the soccer program at this new school. He guaranteed me a roster spot and they don’t do pre-season cuts. (Although I would not be worried). So long story short, I’m transferring, and I want to tell people that I’ve achieved my goal of playing college soccer but I don’t want to alienate my current friends at my college. For me, this has always been a huge goal of mine. And I am excited and proud of myself for achieving it. I was not extremely naturally talented and I had to work hard to become decent at the sport that I love. I wanted to post something to Instagram about me playing transferring closer to home to play college soccer, but should I wait? When should I post that I will be transferring to another school to play soccer?
TLDR;
I’m transferring D3 schools to achieve my dream of playing college soccer. I have confirmed that I have a spot on the roster for next year and have made my deposit for my new school for next fall semester. When should I tell people I’m transferring? When would it be ok to post something to Instagram or facebook about me transferring to play soccer? When should all of this happen as to not alienate me from my current friends/classmates?
This is JMHO but I would wait until the semester is completely over. It has been my experience based on leaving jobs, schools, neighborhoods etc. that once you announce you are leaving, everything changes. In some instances you are “dead”, in others disregarded, and sometimes people are measuring the drapes for your spot. Assuming you have a social life and friends, unless you want to be cut off and on the outs, keep this under your hat until you are moved out for the summer. The only thing I would say is don’t mislead a friend into a housing situation for next year knowing you won’t be there. When it comes time for roommate/room bids just decline saying you are undecided where you will live and with whom. Be fair to others.
Thanks for the response! But what about all my friends who I wouldn’t see again. Shouldn’t I say something at least a couple days before the semester is over so I can say bye to all my friends?
Room selection for next year is probably coming up. I would tell people when they start figuring out where to live since they will be asking you about your housing plans for next year.
I agree that you should wait until later…otherwise your friends will start to psychologically distance themselves from you. I also agree that you should not make housing plans with anyone…
Toward the end of the semester start telling your friends that you are going to miss them like crazy, but you got a chance to play college soccer at Other College and you have to take that chance. It doesn’t have to be the last day, but don’t do it now…do it within the last month.
Also try to figure out what went wrong. Is it an anxiety issue? Talk to your coach about this…tell him/her that you play well, even in big games, but have not had to try out for a team since you were 5 (or whatever) so you are very nervous.
Also know that you don’t need to be anxious, because you know life will go on…so relax and be your best self!
Maybe also talk to the counselors at your school now about the issue and get some help.
Uh . . . maybe friends will psychologically distance themselves, but those would not be the real friends, right? By definition?
At least where I’m from, a friend is a friend is a friend; they stick with you emotionally through thick and thin.
With that definition, you may want to pick and choose which of your friends are truly friends and which are acquaintances and may distance themselves.
To your friends, and I do think they deserve a heads up, I would say the equivalent of, “I love you guys. I always will, but I need to do this other thing. I hope that you understand.” And then I’d allow them a chance to react (possibly badly out of hurt and possible feelings of abandonment) and I’d try to listen to them without being defensive. My personal ruile of thumb, when I’m in my Best Person mode (which isn’t as often as I would like) is to let their frustrated and angry and hurt words flow over me, and then wait for that to pass and then verbally hug it out. Use the time as you move forward to figure out ways to maintaining your friendships.