Orientation week is going to be very stressful for me just doing the bare minimum. In addition to meeting my advisors and other freshmen, I have a job interview scheduled and an oral placement test. I have social anxiety and basically every social interaction I have with someone I’m not very close to is draining. I’m going to need to find a good amount of alone time if I want to get through the week without a mental breakdown, but if I lock myself in my room all the time I’m afraid it will be too hard to make friends afterward. To be honest, I’m not sure that I even want to try to make friends there, but it’s going to be an extra uncomfortable experience if I don’t at least have some friendly acquaintances.
Any advice? Will it be too late to connect to people after orientation week?
I’m probably going to bring this up with my therapist but I figured it couldn’t hurt to post it here too.
I was in the same boat as you last year. I knew maybe like one or two people because one was my best friend from high school and the other I talked to a lot through a group chat for students in the same major.
When orientation came around, I was placed in an orientation group with maybe 20 other students. I befriended quite a few of them. We had a lot of common interests. So for you, maybe just introduce yourself and your major. Find some interests and hobbies that you might share with other people.
I think when you move in, get to know your roommate! Spend time with him/her. As for other friends, if you know someone, they can introduce you to other people. Think of it like a snowball effect. When you meet one person, that opens the doors to meeting other people. Just be open to whatever comes your way, like the friend I met through the group chat invited me to eat with other people the day after freshman move-in. That introduced me to a lot more friends.
Also, get to know people from your classes! For example, my partner from Chem Lab introduced me to his commuter friends and now, I’m part of their friend group. You can also join student clubs and activities. You can meet upperclassmen and other freshmen.
There’s a lot of things that you can do to meet new friends at college! Hope this helps and best of luck! You can do it
Orientation isn’t that important in the grand scheme of things. It’s throughout the rest of your freshman year that counts the most because most friendship groups are cemented by the end of your first year. If you still have no friends by the time you start your junior year then it might be too late. But then again, I’m speaking from personal experience because my campus is as cliquey as high school if not more.
@JMS357 Unfortunately I don’t have a roommate and don’t know anyone who is going there, but I guess I will try to get to know people in my classes (which is, of course, after orientation week). Thanks for your response.
@wizman631 Thanks that helps to know that orientation week isn’t everything. Everyone’s been hyping it up a lot in the mass emails and social media, but I guess it’s not that big a deal
I’d do your best to be social. I met my best friends in college via orientation. It is a good opportunity to meet people. I’m pretty introverted, so I’m often looking for a way out when I need to do something social. But I know from experience that once I get to the event, it is usually ok.
Introduce your self and talk to people in line. Ask questions, Find out where people are from, drive in/fly, which dorm, etc? All of you are new and everyone is looking to feel connected and noticed. When you do meet people, look around and see if there is one more person you can include, so they also don’t feel left out. You will be greatly appreciated.
Be social when you can and talk to your neighbors, but most deep long lasting relationships are made after the fact. I hardly remember who I met during orientation week because we did so many fast paced get to know you activities, but I did get to know people by showing up to my RA’s programs, hanging out in the lounge and talking to people, joining clubs and activities, and just asking people that I met to have lunch together. Soon you’ll be off and having your own adventures.
I knew no one coming into my college, which was a public school where 2/3 of the students were instate, but I was able to find my way. Also an introvert, so I totally understand the need to recharge.
It sounds like orientation week is not as important as I thought, so I probably won’t go beyond the bare minimum and being cordial to people if approached. Then, hopefully I can get to the first day of classes without having some kind of breakdown, and I’ll worry about friends later.
@soontobecolleger , having a plan is helpful, but keep in mind that it mind not end up being as uncomfortable as you expect. The activities are probably pretty structured and everyone is in a similar boat (at least as far as meeting new people). Pace yourself, but be open to making some real connections, too. You got this!
Yeah agreed with above! I think it is great that you are comfortable and finding what works with you, but be open with going with the flow. I might put in a little effort than minimal, just because if you are open to others early on, the more likely the friendships are to grow and/or think of you when hanging out during the early days. Anyways good luck!
@soontobecolleger Don’t get yourself all worked up about what’s ahead. Take a deep breath and conquer one thing at a time. Looking at everything collectively can get very overwhelming. My S started college last year. When he was admitted he was invited into all the admitted class social websites, etc. Students were finding room mates and making friend connections prior to arriving in campus. My S didn’t do either. He went random on the room mate and waited to get to campus to start making friends. Made some great friends at orientation who are all still close. He is doing great! He did tell me that it depends on your orientation group. Some groups are closer than others. Don’t put a ton of weight on orientation but don’t discount it either. Try to make connections. Remember, you have a clean slate when you get to college. Let people get to know you. It’s a fresh start. Enjoy yourself!
My experience was as you take more classes in your major you meet more people and your friendship/hangout circle grows. After college people disperse, unless you are going to live in the same area after graduation the friendships are temporary and you meet new friends.
I think there are varying degrees of “social” and that you should try to find the one that’s most comfortable for you.
There’s no need to have to feel like the life of the party-- that guy that everyone knows and remembers from the tour.
But the other extreme is the guy who is nonverbal.
Find the middle ground.
Orientation is a great chance to lay groundwork for building some relationships. And those relationships will help make your college experience far more rewarding.
So try to talk to others. Not the group as a whole if you don’t want, but the person you’re randomly paired with, the person you find yourself walking next to. Talk to your counselor about what sort of things you could talk about-- even consider some role playing where you initiate, or take part in, those conversations.
@soontobecolleger The nice thing about orientation is that you have a schedule. Look it over and plan ahead. Do the things you’re required to do (hall meetings) and prioritize things that help you know your dorm neighbors. Then pick and choose a few things. Balance out interaction type things with things like organizations fairs where you can take in what you want. Spend some time exploring campus to find some “special” places to have some recharge time. Explore the library including speciality libraries that may have some more quiet space (at D’s school the science library was always quiet). Look for outside areas of calm. On D’s campus there were little courtyard areas that were often empty. Check out the chapel and student union. Also check out local coffee shops and book stores.
In other words, make a plan for how to find quiet spaces during the day. Also walk your schedule. If you know your major department, visit office and read bulletin boards to see what opportunities exist.
BTW, it is ok to attend orientation events and stay off to side and observe. Keep you eyes open for other quiet students and maybe start a conversation there. Remember that many of the events will help you to learn something that might help later - like orientations for tech services, student health center or gym.
@soontobecolleger You are getting some good advice here. It’s also great that this is something you will be working on with your therapist.
A few more thoughts:
You may want to consider actually mentioning to people you meet one on one that you feel uncomfortable or awkward - it doesn’t have to be a big reveal, just something like, “This kind of thing is always awkward for me.” Many others have a similar feeling, and it can be comforting and a bonding opportunity to say something openly rather than having it hanging over your head. Sometimes the pressure of feeling like you need to come across as being at ease in all settings is as much of a challenge as the event itself.
Re: your original question, maybe you want to ditch the “outcast” language in your own mind. Being slow to warm or being introverted (needing to recharge after social interaction) or having social anxiety does not mean you are an “outcast.” Especially if you picked a college based in part on your temperament, you may find many more people who have similar issues than you did in high school. Social anxiety can be debilitating, but being an introvert is not “less than.” I hope your new environment will allow you to embrace who you are and not put yourself down.
Your future in life does not hinge on any one event, especially something that may be hard to recall after a couple of years, like orientation. You will continue to have opportunities for growth and development at your pace throughout your life.
Many people who seem to be at ease and comfortable are essentially putting on a show. They may or may not feel internally the way you perceive them to feel. Don’t compare yourself to them negatively.
@pickledginger I never said there was anything wrong with being an introvert. In fact, I never used that word to describe myself. Nor did I ever say that anxiety=outcast. I have, however, had experiences being an outcast (you can pick a nicer word for it if you want) as a result of my social anxiety. And that result is negative for someone who wants to have a friend.
I think a lot of people are probably underestimating my issues (which is my fault because I chose to not give details), but I appreciate all of the advice. If I feel particularly inclined to socialize at any given moment, I will do so, but otherwise I will try to put 0 pressure on myself to be social so that I can avoid embarrassing myself in public with some kind of anxiety attack. It sounds like that won’t be too much of an issue because I will have the rest of the year ahead of me to be social
Try and relax and not to stress out about it. Don’t put too much stress and emphasis into it. Just relax, and let everything during orientation week come natural to you.
