<p>So I am scanning the engagement and wedding announcements. I can’t say I normally do this, but there was an announcement of the 65 year anniversary of a couple that I know that caught my eye, so I just kept reading.</p>
<p>In one engagement announcement, the occupation of the newly engaged young woman was that of waitress and “housewife”. Based on her listed year of graduation she is 20-21, and I am assuming she has not been married before based on the fact her last name is the same as her parents.</p>
<p>I thought it interesting that a single women lists herself as a housewife. Even if they are living together, she is not yet his wife! My guess is that whatever the folks list on the form is just printed up by the paper. Not many newspaper editors left to edit and suggest an alternative adjective.</p>
<p>The fact that this ran is just an interesting commentary on many levels…</p>
<p>Along the same lines, the meaning of fiance/fiancee seems to have changed. It used to mean that there was an engagement and upcoming wedding, but now often seems to be used to mean people who live together/have a child together whether there is a marriage planned or not.</p>
<p>On the other hand, I find it interesting that the tradition of the young man (old definition of fiance) asking his intended’s Dad for permission to marry his daughter seems to be making a comeback. H did NOT do this 30 years ago and my friends and I considered it old fashioned and odd. I find it amusing when this is done when the couple has lived together for years. I mean, isn’t that a little late to be asking?</p>
<p>I certainly agree that times have changed since I and my 50-something friends were dating, engaged and first married. For one thing, I have at least 5 good friends whose children are living with their significant others, presumably with marriage as a long term goal, but not stated as part of the moving-in process. These are all early 20-somethings. There is seemingly no stigma to these arrangements–not saying there should be, just that there is not, VERY unlike when I was that age. Back then, I think that the sneaking around and keeping such arrangements from the antedeluvian parents was part of the thrill of it!</p>
<p>I have two relatives (both with the same parents) who were living together & had their babies but refused to marry their boyfriends, tho they were in committed relationships. At some later point, both sisters relented and married the young men. It left the parents & us older relatives scratching our heads.</p>
<p>True story: A retired lawyer I know described traveling two hours outside his city to help a poor, elderly couple with their will, pro bono. He approached a rural farmhouse, rickety porch, couple on rocking chairs after dinner, reading a paper and knitting. Great-grandchildren, dogs, chickens all ran about their front yard. The sun was setting. </p>
<p>He said, “I see in your file you two never married!” Mr. Rockingchair leaned back and said, “Wellllll, we just never did feel ready to settle down.”</p>
<p>the latter surprises me a little. H and I did live together, and many people of our generation did, also. Now, in my parents’ generation, that would have been pretty unusual.</p>
<p>My brother flew down to Florida to ask permission to marry - and he’d been living with his wife to be for a couple of years. He’s weird that way, but 25 years later they are still together.</p>
<p>I have a neighborhood acquaintance who introduced me to her fiance 15 years ago. They are still together still not married. I agree, that’s not MY definition of a fiance. </p>
<p>My husband and I were together (though on opposite coasts) for about six years, but we were only engaged for the last six months of them.</p>
<p>Of the six siblings in our family, only one lived with her boyfriend before marriage. The rest of us wouldn’t have dared. Five of us are still married. Want to guess which one isn’t? Not saying it was the cause, just seems to have made a difference.</p>
<p>None of my children live with their partner either. Except the one that is married and they did’t live together before they were married. I have no moral objection to it. More of a practical objection. It is SO much harder to break up when you need to divide the silverware.</p>
<p>There are a couple of assumptions here that may not be warranted:</p>
<ul>
<li><p>That she’s 20-21 based on her year of graduation. People don’t always go to college at the traditional age of 18, or take the traditional four years to finish. She could be older than that.</p></li>
<li><p>That she’s never been married. Maybe she was married before and kept her name. Among people in my peer group who are married, I would estimate that in about two-thirds of the cases both spouses kept their names. I realize that my peer group is not representative of either the US or twenty-somethings in the US, but she still might have kept her name.</p></li>
</ul>
<p>As far as the “housewife” thing does, well, that’s the existing term for a woman in a romantic partnership who takes on the running-the-household role (as “househusband” is for a man in the same position). I agree that it is marriage-centric and discounts unmarried women who are in this role, but I’m not aware of any other term. “Housedomesticpartner” doesn’t roll so easily off the tongue. :D</p>
ugh. I hate this. I have already explained to my girls that unless you have a ring and/or a date that is less than two years away - you are NOT engaged. IMO. haha.
One of mine lives with her significant other - they actually share a house with another couple. My father keeps asking if her bf is going to make an “honest woman” out of her.</p>
<p>1 - I like the term “housewife.” I also like “secretary.” I guess I’m old fashioned.</p>
<p>2 - I think living-together-not-married-but-having-kid(s) people call themselves “engaged” just because it’s easier than something longer. </p>
<p>3 - H and I got engaged in 1989 a few months after we entered a contract to buy a house. The “ring fund” went towards the downpayment. It always hurt my feelings when people would proclaim our engagement wasn’t “real” because I had no “hardware.” I tried to convice people that a 30-year mortgage was equal to or greater than something sparkly, but it never worked. :(</p>
<p>“Homemaker” works OK; I know several dads who call themselves “Mr. Mom,” when they stay home with the kid(s) & their wife is the breadwinner.</p>
<p>In our family of 7 kids, none of us “lived together” before getting married & all 6 of us who married are still married. My folks & their sibs were similar, with very rare divorces in the extended family.</p>
<p>I see nothing wrong with the term secretary either. It is a lot less confusing that many other terms people use to describe the person that I am used to calling a secretary.</p>
<p>Jessiehl, the girl graduated from high school 2 1/2 years ago. Around here, most are 18ish at hs graduation. Not a lot of wiggle room there. Which is why I assumed she was 20-21. Sure, she might have been married and divorced during that time. Not likely.</p>
<p>When I lived with my first boyfriend in the early 1970s, my mother was horrified. It was the “What will his parents think?” and “What will my friends think?” concerns. </p>
<p>When I moved in with my second boyfriend (who became my husband) in 1977, I chose not to announce it to her. We pretended the living arrangement didn’t exist. Much easier that way.</p>
<p>Nowadays, I completely expect that my sons will live with their girlfriends before marriage. I’ll think it strange if they don’t.</p>
<p>We had a friend who was being ordered to move to England, and he was engaged with a wedding date set at the time. They did not live together. They decided to get married secretly, because they didn’t want to disappoint the folks of the big white wedding and due to the fact that the military would not pay to move her after he left. Her aunts and uncles called her a slut for living in sin, one refused to attend the wedding in protest. Meanwhile, she was married the whole time. That was in 1990.</p>