That would be the case where I grew up. Other places I’ve lived, not so much. In some places, you don’t expect strangers to ask you questions, and you are suspicious when they do.
I was surprised to learn that some people are offended when their children are described as looking “exotic,” something that I think of as a compliment. That’s kind of my point, though. People think differently about these things, and some consideration is appropriate on all sides.
I think the tone or intention of a question asked makes a difference in how someone responds.
Some people are genuinely interested in learning about other cultures.
I have a friend who adopted a child. When she tells people the child is adopted they applaud her for having such compassion to want to adopt.
I did ask her (I knew her well) that is it a very difficult process to adopt from another country?
I also told her the reason which was that I had a friend who couldn’t have children but was considering adoption and wasn’t aware of the process one had to go through to adopt.
I live in a very multicultural area so it is always interesting to see the mix of cultures.
It is when I go out of town to a place where it isn’t so multicultural that I feel that views maybe different.
Okay, on the street in Manhattan, I wouldn’t ask. But in Manhattan things are different. 
Exactly. Some consideration, that’s all. Some realization that how and what you say might matter to the person. I can almost always get someone’s intention; I know they’re just curious. But “What are you?” is just kind of jarring. There are other ways to ask, and yes, some people don’t like those other ways. It can be confusing, I get it. But how about just don’t say, “What are you?” Okay?
My observation is that things are different everywhere.
I agree, though, that “what are you?” is pretty clueless everywhere.
Not that different. I work in Times Square and I can and do ask. Now, of course, if you were walking down the street holding hands with your elderly friend and blocking the sidewalk, I would tell you to move, but asking about shoes, hair, outfit is still ok in Manhattan.
Not really. As long as you are not blocking the sidewalk to ask the question. 
“Seems that as a multicultural and accepting society we should be quite okay with people living in America and of Chinese or Indian heritage behaving proudly according to their heritage - which would include touching hair and asking questions. Or are you suggesting these individual hide their culture and behave ‘otherly’?”
But IS it “behaving proudly according to their heritage” to go around touching others’ hair and asking nosy questions? D goes to school with 1st gen kids from both China and India, and several other countries as well, and not one, nor their parents or siblings, has ever touched her hair or anyone else’s. It’s not “hiding one’s culture” to be polite, which in my opinion, includes keeping one’s hands off others, no matter where you are.But I suspect you know that.
There is no reason to put hands on another person unbidden (although I read a really interesting study recently about the different perceptions of men and women on that issue), absolutely no excuse. But I know from my own experience with my kids, that they do discuss their differences and how this one has hair that will stay braided and how that one’s hair is so limp leaving it down for a wedding isn’t an option. I see no reason that those conversations should be opposed by anyone.
What happens when they land in Hawaii for that dream tropical vacation?
My kids went to a very racially diverse primary school. One day when I went to pick up my kindergartner, he informed me that his locker partner, Kimberly, took his library bag by mistake. So, i asked “What does she look like?” to try to find her on the playground. He went through her whole description - red shirt, jeans, pink hair bands, light-up shoes, etc. When we finally found her, I thought to myself “We could have saved 10 minutes of running around if he had just said she was black!” Never occured to him (a very white child). I’m sure that he recognized that she was a different race, but I suppose it wasn’t the first thing that he thought of.
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But weren’t there more than one black kindergarten student at the “racially diverse” school?
This is what happens when you don’t use race or color in your conversations with your child. If white parents avoid using color to describe people because they don’t want to seem “racist” and they want their kids to “consider everyone are the same” (and kids are shushed when they do use race or color) the kids are going to follow your example. They are not going to use color or race in describing a person.
@dietz199: There must be a happy medium. Sharing what it is they do that happens within ethnic cultural norms, by way of communicating that verbally when the context is right, is very different than expecting every aspect of their respective cultural tradition to be acceptable when in the presence of others.
Dip your hands into the bowl of pasta placed at the center of the table during a meal in the states and see what happens.
@Pizzagirl, “…and you think everything is mayonnaise and white-bread…”
Is that a memory of Martin Mull? I thought I was the only person who said that!
Please know that adults are not given carte blanche to display a child-like ignorance. No one’s back is another’s bridge. Pay attention, read, make contact beyond the superficial. Partake.
My mom would answer “Space alien, of course,can’t you tell? Just like my kids”
I do understand how well-intentioned people can be rendered frustrated, horrified at being misunderstood, and generally trepidatious when attempting to ask a question pertaining to someone else’s race or culture. It can be quite risky, as there really are no hard and fast rules that reliably preclude offense or misunderstanding. I’m generally not offended by civilly worded inquiries from people I already know, or even strangers within a friendly social context. I’m a pretty curious person myself, so I do understand the impulse to sate one’s curiosity. I love meeting new people, and love meeting people of differing backgrounds even better, especially when we can have a friendly chat centered around our experiences. An atmosphere of mutual respect that proceeds from the assumption that no offense is ever intended has to be established first. But that can’t happen when the questioning tone is tinged with the assumption that the one asking has a “right” to know, or when the questioned is being gazed upon with an air of challenge or condescension. These things, paired with any iteration of What are you?/What are you anyway?"/ What the heck are you?" are definite non-starters.
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My child’s long thick blond hair gets more than a few comments, especially in regard to my brown skin and dark hair.
Everybody is so “you don’t know” when some of us are multiracial with parents, spouses, and kids of different colors.
“you don’t get it” and “you don’t know” means that I haven’t been profiled, that I haven’t been mistaken for my child’s nanny, working for their real parents based on my skin color. And does that also mean that if you are a dark-skinned black person, you are suspicious of light-skinned multiracial people who are part African, like Obama, who maybe,he said, just maybe can remember once getting pulled over while driving and he didn’t think it was for any valid reason. He never was dragged to the ground and had a foot put on his back. He never was asked “whatcha doin’ here, boy?” (according to mass media and what he has said). So how can he get it? How is he the first black president, when he is multiracial?
Please just stop it. No one has a “right to know” but do we need to have a set of PC questions that are acceptable, and not ever broach any other subject?
It is rude to ask “what are you?” whether you are asking that of a person with a leg missing or Down’s Syndrome, or a person of a different look or color than the one asking. I don’t think anyone disagrees with that. I’ve got students with multiple piercings on their face, others with blue or bright pink hair, others wearing hijabs (some likely of African descent, but no, I didn’t ask) (please don’t kill me I am NOT equating those things, I am saying that I do none of them so that is other to me). I don’t know them, so I don’t ask. If your dorm mate becomes your friend, is it okay to ask “where are you from?” My daughter has a friend who has lived in three countries, but by name seems to be French. Is it okay to ask where her friend is from? What nationality she is? Or is it off limits only if her friend doesn’t look like my daughter’s double? (I do not look related to my daughter by skin tone and hair color, FWIW.)
But is it really offensive to ask a friend “wow, your son’s girlfriend looks exotic - is she of Asian heritage?” and get a “yes” or “no” answer? I was mistaken for Irish once, at work, and I tried not to laugh as I am far from it. But I said “no, I’m from pretty much the opposite of that”. Was I offended? No. Did I think the guy was an idiot to bring up my background when he had just met me, at work no less? Yes, he was an idiot.
I had a friend who always had very straight thick hair. One day she showed up to work with a beautiful perm, one that I would like to have if I could. I asked about her perm, and she said “it’s not a perm, every day I comb out my hair so it is not curly or wavy at all, but I ran out of time today. I hate my curly hair.” And I was jealous of what she had and didn’t want. In retrospect, it was something I thought was a totally reasonable question, and it became tense and awkward, like I was prying.
There are rude ways to ask questions, and there are polite ways to ask questions. One can compare this thread to the “I hope my children marry spouses of the same religion” thread - when is it okay to ask questions, and when is it none of anyone’s business? It’s okay to ask “is she a shicksa?” but not “is she Asian?”?
I had a great talk once with two people who were multiracial like me, but we all looked like the same one branch of our heritage. The other branches of our heritage were quite diverse, but we talked about what we looked like and how we had similarities in how we looked, and how we were different (some alcohol was involved, not a lot LOL). It was a life-changing experience. We are all the same. Our paths were different, and yeah, we look different, we dress different, we talk different, but one hopes that we all have the same basic morals and values.
So how to answer any nosy question - don’t. “I don’t know” or “Why don’t you ask her?” seems perfectly reasonable. I know that when I started living with my spouse, he didn’t ask me my pedigree, and we were way past friends. I assumed he was “some sort of white guy” by his looks, but later found out he is multiracial.
To illustrate your naivete regarding our culture, we never wanted to straighten our hair, so no the commenter doesnt have a point. We have been indoctrinated to straighten our hair, because Whites set the standard of beauty. I cannot tell you how many times that Black women have been approached by managers to say, "I like your hair better straight", or äre you to change your hair when the client comes">>>>
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The whole “straight vs curly hair” issue isn’t just a black/white issue. I have curly hair and always hated it. I’ve had chem treatments, flat-irons, and use a whole litany of products. I, too, have often been told, “I like your hair when it’s straight.”
However, it’s inappropriate for any bosses to say anything like that to employees…Why isn’t that reportable to HR? Would they tell a man, “I’d like your bald spot covered?”
Some Whites may have “set the standard” for straight hair being desirable, but really I think people seem to like that silky smooth hair look…because we spend a gazillion dollars a year chasing it with various “products”.
I had a great aunt who chided me as a teen for straightening my hair. She’d say to me, “God gave you curly hair” (ugh) Well, she finally shut up when I pointed out that she shouldn’t be getting her bi-annual perms because “God gave you straight hair.”