How to be a "cool" parent ???

Parent Cafe
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<p>I always had this little fantasy that one day I’d overhear one of my kids’ friends say " gee, your mom is cool!". Well, I am still waiting… So, what do you think it takes to be a “cool” parent?? Are any of you considered “cool” parents by your kids and their friends? I am probably a bit too “strict” to be considered cool. I enjoy spending time with their friends, listening to music, talking about their interests, but I don’t want to overstep my bounds. I am also not willing to sacrifice what I consider to be good parenting just to be considered “cool”. I did let my s. buy a bottle of “Autumn Mist” wine for the dorm room (which promptly broke in the car, so I got to be a flexible parent without actually alllowing alcohol in the room-- that worked out nicely :slight_smile: ) </p>

<p>I know in the scheme of things it absolutely doesn’t matter, and I have a great relationship with my kids (thought the 14 yr old is at that stage where he’s mortified if he runs into his friends when he with his PARENTS), but it’s still this little wish fulfillment that lingers out there… So, just for fun… what does it take???</p>

<p>And now-- opportunity arises. Our family is going skiing during spring break (both the HS and college happen to have the same week off), and we have arranged to rent a house near to both the slopes and town that has room for several of my s’s college friends. We are happy that several will be joining us at different times during the week. My feeling is that the house is open to my s. and his friends- we are glad to be able to offer this opportunity to them. With the location of the house, they will have the flexibility to ski during the day and to go into town at night without need for transportation. My s. is not much of a drinker, and has already assured me that this is not a “party” trip- they can enjoy hanging out in the hottub on the deck or go to the indoor pool/healthclub at the nearby rec. center if they don’t check out the town. we plan to stock the house with LOTS of food. Any other pointers from all you cool parents out there??</p>

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<p>Chocolate chip cookies.
Blue jello.</p>

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<p>I didn’t know parents cared about stuff like that. :p</p>

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<p>dmd-
Are store bought CC cookies good enough, or do I have to make homemade ones (whine…)</p>

<p>Celebrian–
Ah yes-- we parents have a few surprises,I guess…who wants to be considered a fuddy-duddy???</p>

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<p>All of my kids’ friends would rather hang out at our house; we leave them alone, give them privacy, but question them gently when necessary, so they know we care.
But the coolness factor is definitely linked to always providing tons of food; sometimes I put out ingredients for baking, and my D’s friends go crazy in my kitchen.</p>

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<p>cool parents get no respect. the ones that try at least. one of my friend’s mom like wears the same stuff as us and tries to keep up w the trends etc and its soooo lame and just totally embarassing for her. on the other hand, my mom is pretty cool if i dont say so myself, but she’s pretty clueless about some stuff. to be a cool parent you just have to be nice and get to know your kid’s friends, but be easy going about it. like dont stalk them w cookies and lemonade (desperate???) LOL. but yeah, i think you get the point.</p>

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<p>Hahaha, filmxoxo, yeah I know moms that wear the belly-baring shirts and b.c.showing jeans. Definitely uncool. Parents def. need to maintain their self-respect, and not try to be their kids’ friends’ friends.
I don’t stalk with food lol, but I have yet to meet a teen who does not totally appreciate it, or one that goes ‘what a stalker’</p>

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<p>my definition of a cool parent is someone i can tell anything to and get love, encouragement, reassurance, and an honest response. i guess at this age people are trying to create some distance between their own identity and that of their parents, it’s part of an emotional development i think. lol, i’d die if my mom tried dressing like me and listening to my music.</p>

<p>that said, food and privacy are always great gifts to a teenager. :p</p>

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<p>well the food thing is actually sorta true, whenever at a friends house we’re always like ‘where did all this food come from? awesome!’</p>

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<p>I apparently am considerd a cool parent although our house is too small to have sleepovers except in the summer when they are outside, and we don’t have wireless/cable/pool- live on the lake</p>

<p>All they seem to care about is that you really listen to them and give advice, don’t preach. sense of humor and perspective helps too.
I don’t pretend to know the latest slang or what kind of music they like although I am amused to hear them listen to Frank Sinatra and the Clash.
I am pretty upfront with my opinion. I will tell them why I don’t think kids should get things like their tongue pierced, and why sex accelerates a relationship faster than kids expect.
I do like low cut jeans though, I have a rather short waist & while they do cover more than my public bone I don’t wear belly shirts with the low jeans.</p>

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<p>lol, emerald,

its okay with me if you want to show your PUBLIC bones ;)</p>

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<p>Sense of humor, A++
I have a wicked sense, and am a practical joker also, and sometimes a vitriolic tongue, all greatly appreciated by H, D1,S,D2 and friends.</p>

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<p>All great ideas-- and from all of your comments, I think I’m pretty safe, and generally on the right track. I am comfortable in jeans and a t shirt, but that is as close to dressing like them that I’ll get. There is <em>ZERO</em> chance that I would put on a bathing suit in their presence, and wouldn’t THINK of going <em>near</em> the hottub if any of them are in it. Besides, after a day of skiing, I’ll probably be asleep by 8:30, so I definitely will give them their space :slight_smile: My h., being younger and more energetic, is likely to be “cooler”. I hope to make them feel comfortable and at home. Sounds like that’s good enough-- that and a ton of food :slight_smile: (and no “public” bone, eh chocoholic??? That was a great typo! :slight_smile: )</p>

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<p>Well, jym626, this is a very interesting question for me…</p>

<p>For some reason, and I have NO idea why, I am considered to be a “cool” mom. It is definitely NOT because I act like a teenager or dress like one (although I do buy my share of clothing in the junior department). But, alas, no low cut jeans or belly (stretch mark?) baring tops…</p>

<p>It’s funny…I sensed for a long time that my oldest son was sort of “embarrassed” of our house. It is a decent house, but we have not been able to afford to furnish it or decorate it like most of his friends’ families have. And I am far from the best housekeeper on earth…I guess you could say that we live in a constant state of minor chaos regarding clutter and such. </p>

<p>But for some reason, EVERYONE likes to hang out HERE. ALL THE TIME. My oldest son has a girlfriend, and she is here very often as is her younger sister (8th grade). My oldest daughter’s boyfriend also practically lives here. It is common for him to show up after school to take all of my younger kids to the park several times a week. </p>

<p>The younger ones have constant stream of friends/neighbors in and out all the time also.</p>

<p>My kids have fabulous friends, but I know their families well enough to know that there are some “issues” with some of them. Having thought this through for a long time, I <em>think</em> that everyone likes it over here because, despite the rather chaotic physical surroundings, what you see is what you get. There is no pathology whatsoever here. We are a loving and welcoming family, and we love and welcome the kids’ friends in the same way.</p>

<p>All that said, I would NEVER diminish the role of FOOD!!! We have a large family (8 people), so cooking for me is ALWAYS cooking for a crowd. There is never a time when I can’t have an extra 4 or 5 people for dinner if they happen to be here. Most of my kids like dinner foods for breakfast, especially my oldest, so I always make extras anyway for breakfast <em>lol</em>.</p>

<p>Also, one of the upsides of having a house like we do (living room = gym, complete with a Bowflex and a Precor elliptical trainer and a large electronic football toss game) is that no one has to stress over eating on the carpet or spilling a drink or dragging a muddy print in from time to time. We just don’t stress over those things here.</p>

<p>Ironically, many of the people who visit us stay even if the person whom they came to visit is not here. Tonight, my D’s boyfriend was over even though she was at play rehearsal. He played games with the younger kids. My S’s girlfriend will come over even if S. has homework and do stuff with the other kids. If only because we have someone for everyone (six kids between 7 and 18), there is always something to do and someone to do it with. :)</p>

<p>Now, I don’t know how much of my "coolness* is a result of brainwashing on the part of my children, mostly my oldest daughter, who is known to go around to EVERYONE and claim that I am the coolest <em>lol</em>. My oldest S seems kind of perplexed that everyone keeps coming up to him to tell HIM that. He keeps asking me, “Why do all my friends like YOU better than they like ME??” </p>

<p>These are the things I do:</p>

<p>Food, Food, Food, and lots of it!!!<br>
I ALWAYS ask their friends specific questions about how they are doing, including discussion of school, work, family, extended family, etc.<br>
I come through for any of them whenever they need it. One of S’s friends used to call me regularly (if not frequently) to ask for rides to school if he missed the bus (this was before he drove). Even if I’d already taken my son and was back, I’d give him a ride.
I do not tend to nag at all, but then, I haven’t really had to. I know, I’m spoiled, but I have remarkably responsible and well-behaved kids. I haven’t had to nag. By the way, I don’t particulary credit it to anything I DID, but rather that I just got extremely lucky!
I demonstrate trust for my kids and their friends, and it has never been betrayed.
I make friends feel like family.
I sincerely love them like my own.</p>

<p>I honestly don’t know what this <em>cool</em> thing is all about, but I am glad that my kids and their friends think I am!</p>

<p>~berurah</p>

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<p>How to be a “cool” parent? Asked S2 the question as he is considered sooooo cool. His response was, “If ya gotta ask, forget it.”</p>

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<p>jamimom,
<em>lol</em> :slight_smile: ~berurah</p>

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<p>Certainly it is not about wearing any clothes they might like. “Please mom, low cut jeans were not made for youuuuuuu, and btw, aren’t those my size?” Is there such a thing as a cool mom?</p>

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<p>I was in the lingerie department with a friend who has two teenaged daughters and she was raking through the thongs as her girls wanted some more. A sales clerk came up and immediately started helping us by pullling out the ones more our size. We were both speechless for a moment, before friend could let her know that these were not for us. We are not cool.</p>

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<p>Berurah,

</p>

<p>Sounds like home sweet home to me.</p>

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<p>Cool? We are not even humans! My girls tonight, watching me hug fiance after 10 days away: yuck, get a room! A room? Last I looked I had a whole house!</p>