<p>lol, i wish my parents would get so excited about something that they’d go to the trouble of making <em>insertappropriateobjectthatcorrespondswithpassionhere</em> !</p>
<p>
</p>
<p>Since I only have sons I pulled this on them when oldest was in those middle school years and sagging jeans was required :eek: . Although I didn’t go out in public, I did the same thing to my jeans and they all thought it was hilarious. Didn’t stop his behavior, but we all got a laugh. </p>
<p>Hmmmm. Am I cool? Well, I was probably more cool a few years ago when I played Nintendo with them sometimes (and could beat one of their games). Once they moved on to 64 and Xbox, I quit b/c I was already wasting too much time. </p>
<p>ag54: your house sounds almost identical to our house!! Lots of all-nighters with a zillions kids over having a halo tournament. TG for bonus room over the garage…we usually can’t hear them unless they are really shouting. </p>
<p>Also, DH and I are classic rock fans and our younger 16 yr-old plays electric guitar. We enthusiastically let him play almost as often as he wants to (it’s cool having a miniature jimi hendrix in your house 
). Hopefully letting this noise go on without too much comment makes us “cool” in some small way.</p>
<p>How to be a “Cool” mom
- Do not try to dress like your children. JYM626, jeans and a t-shirt are ok, but to all of the parents who try to immitate “sagging” jeans and other teenage clothes, with the exception of doing it purely as a joke, don’t bother. It will merely cause more embaressment for them and most likely for you.
- AT ALL COSTS avoid the phrase “Because i said so”. Kids see this merely as “because i am losing the argument” instead of it being the power enforcer you hope it to be. Just saying “now” or if you can muster up the dangerous eye glare (classic) will do just as well.
- Do not sound as if you are complaining, and avoid the nagging tone of voice at all costs. I still cringe to this day when i think of my mom’s infamous nagging voice, and just hearing instantly turned my brain to “not again”, rather than actually listening to her.
- Lecturing = Bad. A lecture is classified as any non-consential (bad word choice) speech in which the other party does not say anything and it is about something he/she shouldn’t do.
Not that i have summarized some of the don’ts, let’s focus on some Dos.</p>
<ol>
<li><p>DO allow your child freedom. If he or she is going to a party, feel free to ask what kind it is and mild prodding, but avoid being intrusive. I still hear stories of mom’s individually questioning kids after sleep-overs to make sure stories match, Kids being forced to attend the parent’s club sponsered Post-Prom, effectivley ruining what should be their greatest night of childhood, and overall controling parents punishing students for Bs in difficult classes. JYM626, while you may still want to retain “good-parenting”, these tactics may often backfire and for every perfect kid coming from a controlling parent is another gothic, drug taking, etc. ruined rebbellious child (forgive the gothic reference if that offends anyone). </p>
<ol>
<li><p>Be realistic. Though these statistics may bother many of you, more than 50% of kids will have been drunk or had alchohol by their Senoir year, and slightly less will have taken marijuana, and even more have offered it, and 30% of High school freshman will have taken alchohol without their parents knowledge. If it is very important to you to keep your kids away from these things while maintaining the “cool mom” image, do not use scare tactics. Kids realize that if alchohol is legal for 21 yr olds, than it isnt any more damaging to them as to their older counterparts. In addition, marijuana is far too easy to obtain, especially in youth, and DARE and TRUTH seem stupid to many of the kids, and unrealistic. Give them realistic reasons to avoid these, such as the money lost to drugs or the driving privileges lost if they ever came home drunk.</p>
<pre><code> In conclusion, simply being realistic about punishments and grades, while dressing your age and mainting reasonable discipline will help you be a cool mom. The jello, cookies, and coke don’t hurt either.
</code></pre></li>
</ol></li>
</ol>
<p>Show them your CC posts! :D</p>
<p>…especially you, jym!</p>
<p>Thanks, Yemaya!
However, if s. knew how much I disclosed about him and his life on cc, he’d just die :eek:</p>
<p>The Dropout:
Great definition of lecturing! But could you clarify one thing? Is it de facto non-consentual if (1) it is initiated by me or (2) it sounds like unwanted advice on a topic they didn’t want to talk about in the first place? With younger s., who is more closed mouthed about life in general, I have to go fishing to find out anything. Our conversations often becomemore like questions and answers. I used to accuse my mom of being like the Spanish Inquision, but now I understand…if I ask how something went, and then make a comment (or, heaven forbid, an unsolicited suggestion)… INSTANTLY becomes labelled a lecture. I will try harder to put my hands over my mouth, but as often these “discussions” (my term-- he’d call 'em lectures) happen in the car, I have to keep one hand on the wheel.</p>
<p>THANK YOU for resurrecting this thread now! The infamous spring break trip where I get to test my new-found “cool mom” skills is in a few days. My all-time favorite pasttime is finding deals on the web, and I’ve been able to find a GREAT house to rent at a great price (hope it isnt too good to be true!), great deals on ski and snowboard rentals and had a friend in Denver send me a gazillion coupons from the Entertainment coupon book for discount lift tix. Now I know helping poor college students to save their pennies will give me a few points on the “cool mom” scale, I may have sent a tad too many emails, in my excitement, to my s. of all the deals I found. Overkill. I’ve offered to put in the reservations for his friends rental equipment if they want me to (needs to be secured with a credit card), but I will need their height, weight and shoe size. S, hesitantly gave me their email address-- with the caveat that I send ONLY one email :o I chose instead to let him ask them and serve as the intermediary. That way I don’t pester them with any emails! </p>
<p>So, any last minute pointers are graciously accepted. I will definitely have LOTS of food-- goes without say. The only slightly dorky, uncool thing I did was to rent a minivan. (It seats 7, the SUV only seated 5). It really was for practicality. We plan to meet some other of their college friends at a different mountain one day, and we can all fit in one car this way. That… plus… I got a GREAT deal on the car :)</p>
<p>and your mileage may vary
A local paper had a recent column about how she gives her son so much privacy that she doesn’t look at the notes he leaves in his pants to be washed ( which begs the question- how come he isn’t doing his own laundry if he is old enough to not want his mom to know his business?)
But if I was like that I would have missed critical clues that my daughter was hurting herself and that she had contemplated suicide.( and had a plan)
Sometimes kids leave things around “hidden in plain sight” that they can’t come out and tell us, but they will leave clues and if we respect their privacy too much, we aren’t doing our job as parents IMO.</p>
<p>The dropout said: “Kids realize that if alchohol is legal for 21 yr olds, than it isnt any more damaging to them as to their older counterparts.”</p>
<p>This was thought to be true until fairly recently. It now appears the alcohol and other consciousness-altering drugs alter the mechanism for formation of new neurons, which occurs well into the 20s. (I’ll see if I can find the citation for this; it was a fascinating article.) That said, I don’t think anyone is lobbying to raise the drinking age to 25. But be aware, it’s not harmless, and the younger the user is (and the more drug used), the more drug use will change brain chemistry.</p>
<p>Citations: <a href=“http://www.niaaa.nih.gov/publications/arh27-2/197-204.pdf[/url]”>http://www.niaaa.nih.gov/publications/arh27-2/197-204.pdf</a></p>
<p><a href=“http://www.piracetam.com/piracetam-2.htm[/url]”>http://www.piracetam.com/piracetam-2.htm</a></p>
<p>Wait!! Check this one out! There’s hope for us yet!! (I had trouble linkng to the article directly-- can anyone help?? )</p>
<p>Moderate alcohol consumption boosts mental agility in older women </p>
<p>01/21/2005 </p>
<p>A study in a recent issue of NEJM found that women aged 70 to 81 who were moderate drinkers were 20% less likely to experience a decline in their cognitive ability over a two-year period than women who abstained from drinking. The reportwhich was based on a study of 12,500 women in the Nurses Health Studyfound that women who drank one serving of beer or wine each day tended to have the mental agility of someone a year and a half younger than abstainers. The researchers, who were from Boston-based Brigham and Womens Hospital and Harvard Medical School, noted that women who consumed more than one serving alcohol did not experience any increased benefit. While the researchers were unable to determine exactly why women who drink reaped such benefits, they speculated that the same effects that ward off cardiovascular conditions may also keep the blood vessels in the brain healthier. Meanwhile, a researcher form Chicago-based Rush University Medical Center cautioned that the findings are not conclusive (Reuters/Yahoo! News, 1/19</p>
<p>ok-- here’s the abstract of the above article from the NE Journal of Medicine </p>
<p>Maybe we should post this one on the “wines for the cc party” thread :)</p>
<p><a href=“http://content.nejm.org/cgi/content/abstract/352/3/245[/url]”>http://content.nejm.org/cgi/content/abstract/352/3/245</a></p>
<p>If the above doesn’t work, go to: NEJM – Effects of Moderate Alcohol Consumption on Cognitive Function in Women ,Jan 20, 2005</p>
<p><a href=“http://content.nejm.org/cgi/content/abstract/352/3/245[/url]”>http://content.nejm.org/cgi/content/abstract/352/3/245</a> one last attempt at the link…</p>
<p>Ha, I’ll make sure to use that excuse JYM626 (about the alchohol). As a genius once said.</p>
<p><quote>The reason deer run in a herd is to escape predators. The slowest and weakest are in the back, and therefore eaten first, forming as natural selection. In the same way, alchohol kills brain cells, and kill the slowest and weakest brain cells. Therefore, alchohol makes you smarter and thats why everything makes sense when your drunk." </quote></p>
<p>not sure if it is true, but sure is an interesting theory.</p>
<p>Another great quote that a drunk Winston Churchill said is responding to a woman that accused him as being drunk.
“Yes i am drunk, and you are ugly. But tommorow i will no longer be drunk, and you will still be ugly”</p>
<p>no real point, just thought it was funny.
PS sorry for the late respond, we seem to be running in a lot huh JYM626 and SBmom</p>
<p>PPS Just wanted to show my amazment of the speed of replies on CC. I posted and came back on 4 hours later to see 4 responses…incredible.</p>
<p>
</p>
<p>This is what I learned too a couple years ago after taking a pre-req class for CADCs. Of course, what 17-19 year-old DOESN’T think they are mature already (I know I probably did). But the science shows otherwise…</p>
<p>Also, to JYM626’s reply to my message.</p>
<pre><code> As long as the minivan is neccesary and used purely for moving all of the ski gear, there shouldnt be a problem. (I like the food concept being so popular, possible link to childhood obesity?). And yes, if children see their parents lecturing, they may start to label any start to a conversation as a lecture. And incredibly cool letting your older s. bring two college friends on a ski vacation, must have cost a pretty penny. Just hope your younger s. doesnt try to pester older one’s and/or not have fun 
</code></pre>
<p>
</p>
<p>LOL! I always thought it was more about quantity than quality, though, the same way that most people would prefer fifty crumpled dollars and fifty crisp dollars to only the crisp dollars. The mental image of a herd of braincells fleeing before predatory alcohol is hilarious though…</p>
<p><a href=“404 Not Found | 9news.com”>404 Not Found | 9news.com;
<p>Amused-
Gee thanks :eek: great timing!!
Did you see the rotating ad below the article?/ It is about a book called “Parents are Power”. Not sure they meant to advertise that book with this article ;)</p>
<p>Wow 9 posts on CC and im already getting quoted! could comeone please teach me how to do the <quote> </quote> thing?</p>
<p>LOL, TheDropout! The “Welcome to the New Parent Cafe” thread shows us all learning that. Type in
[quote ]
without the space, type in what needs to be quoted, then type
[/quote ]
without the space. If you want to say who said what you are quoting, type in
[quote=*]
, where * is the name of the poster. Have fun! :D</p>
<p>my mom, uncool mom i guess, never talked about “why sex accelerates a relationship faster than kids expect” (by emeraldkity4)</p>
<p>oh well</p>
<p>to OP, i think you’re already a cool mom. heck yeah.</p>
<p>duh-
Why thank you. I was going to ask for it in writing, but gee, I already have it in writing! 
Can I tell my s’s you said that??</p>
<p>and the dropout:
Yes-- minivan is purely utilitarian. We always stop and hit the supermarket on our way out to the slopes and end up with copius quantites of food bags, large luggage bags, ski gear and several humans-- all in one vehicle. Space is greatly appreciated. </p>
<p>And thanks for expressing concern for younger s. on the upcoming trip. He was given the opportunity to invite a friend, but struck out. He’s a pretty adaptable guy. If he is out of place with the college kids, he’ll hang with us. And part of the time he and older bro will probably go off on their own. Thank heavens for walkie talkies on the slopes. Makes life easy.</p>
<p>We lucked into a great deal on a place that was unbelievbly reasonable. So, whether there are 4 of us or 12 of us (thats what the house holds) the cost was incredible.
Any college kids have spring break next week and want to come play?? Better yet, and cc parents?? We’ll try out the wine and chocolate discussed on another thread. Oh, and this house has a hottub that holds 8. Bring your suit!</p>
<p>PS-- duh-- you’re DEFINITELY invited!</p>