<p>How do you get to be more sensitive. I grew up with brothers and we were not very sensitive.
Also, what are your views on the way people say things and what they mean. Should a person be judged on what they mean or how they say it?
Lastly, how do you work on saying things nicer, if they are not compliments?</p>
<p>And yes I am being serious.</p>
<p>Try to think about things from others’ points of view at all times. Like before you say anything in a conversation, think about how you would feel if someone said that to you and anything about the other person that might cause your statement to be the least little bit offensive or upsetting. If you think something might upset someone, don’t say it. Or if you have to say it, say it in a really nice joking way, unless it’s something that you really want them to take seriously and that factor is more important than not hurting their feelings.</p>
<p>I think people should be judged on what they mean, but most people judge people’s words at least partially by how they say them. Some people like when other people are blunt with them, but others don’t at all. And sometimes it’s hard to tell if someone means what they’re saying or something else, so you kind of have to guess.</p>
<p>Hope that makes sense and helps some…If you were to give me certain situations, I feel like I could be more helpful.</p>
<p>It’s a skill that requires practice, that’s for sure. Just think through everything before you say it and remember that many things are really best left unsaid. If you notice people reacting poorly to what you’re saying consider what you said and even if you would have no problem having that said to you don’t say it anymore.</p>
<p>edit: If you’ve got a scenario so we can see how bad this is that’d be good.</p>
<p>Read “The No ******* Rule, Building a Civilized Workplace and Surviving One That Isn’t”. It is a quick read and gives some input on how to say things, how not to say things and how to just keep your mouth shut and gives why it is better at times to listen and not say a word. </p>
<p>Hope the title is not offensive to anyone, but it is an actual book. </p>
<p>Good Luck…</p>
<p>I guess there is a block on the word used in the title of the book, but am sure most can fill in the blank. The author is Robert I. Sutton if you want to look it up.</p>
<p>Ok so me and my now ex girlfriend (this was part of the issue, not seeing each others view points) went to a fraternity party at another school. Her shirt was really low and so I asked her about the difference between dressing up to go out to a party and to hang out with friends. I then asked what is the difference between a slutty and a cute shirt. I said something like I dont like your shirt because your boobs are hanging out.</p>
<p>In general, how do you say that you dont like a piece of clothing. My friend said to say I like it but I like this one better. Part of my problem is I do not like to lie, I make up stories but you know they are fake, but I have problem lying and even white lying. I read some of the art of conversation books and it said to just keep it in if its not helpful or if it would hurt someone else. What would you have done in my situation?</p>
<p>I liked to be told direct and so I would have to often ask a few times to get an answer where I could understand and she wanted me to not be direct and to be nice. Can this incompatability be overcome in a relationship. I know this is an internet site but I have heard everything that my friends know already.
Thanks.</p>
<p>read “Gendered Lives” by Julia T. Wood cover to cover. that will probably a good start to becoming more aware / sensitive.</p>
<p>tell it like it is.</p>
<p>was the problem the way you said it? or that you weren’t ok with her dressing like that?</p>
<p>it was probably the 2nd one.</p>
<p>I was jealous that other guys would stare. SHe was mad because I was taking my insecurities out on her as she put it.
I do not know if that counts as the first or as the second reason.</p>
<p>The second one. With anyone in life you have to pick your battles and this doesn’t sound like all that important of one. Why be jealous? You get a minor confidence boost and the chance to legitimately give some other guy the stink eye. Now, if she’s legitimately dressing like a stripper then it’s one thing, but you don’t control the girl who’s dating you and “her boobs were hanging out” could mean anything.</p>
<p>If something is a big deal to you then you do need to talk about it though. Have a conversation. A discussion. A dialog. 2 people talking. Don’t be aggressive or accusatory. “Babe, theres something that’s been bothering me. I notice a lot of guys staring at you when we go out (shifting the blame AWAY from her so she doesn’t get defensive) and it really bothers me because (insert NON-ACCUSATORY reason here).” After convincing her that it really does bother you and that something ought be done about it let HER come up with the solution.</p>
<p>Now, this was a bad example because seriously, what she’s wearing isn’t a huge deal, especially around friends. Now if it’s something else (she makes inappropriate jokes in front of your parents, she gets too ‘friendly’ around guys when she’s had a bit to drink) and it’s a problem then you talk about it, but if you start blaming her she’s going to go on the defense and it’s going to be a fight. Shift the blame off of her (my parents are easily offended as opposed to you need to watch your mouth around my parents) and it’s easier to get her to see your side of whatever it is that’s troubling you.</p>
<p>It sounds like you pay a lot of attention to your own feelings about a situation and very little to the feelings of those around you. You should consider the fact that people don’t always expect “the truth” when hearing about themselves or others. While honesty may be the best policy in many situations, it takes discernment to know when you may want to “curb” your honesty. For example, with the girlfriend, you could have avoided making her feel attacked by shifting blame away from her or by hinting at it by buying her clothes you’d rather her wear instead (but they should still be “her style” – you don’t want to insult her). Basically, consider others’ perspective before your own. Also, find friends who will tell you straight up when you make a social blunder.</p>