<p>My S is a junior this year. His counselor asks us as parents to write a “Brag Sheet” about my son for the college recommendation use. My son is kind shy. He does not have any leadership positions in clubs and groups at school. However, he does many good things not for recognition such as tutoring and helping neighboring kids on the home work (including classmates and non-classmates). The only standout thing that he has been doing is to work on bio-medical projects with a university professor since his sophomore year. I need suggestions as how to brag his shyness in more positive way. Is the shyness the negative trait to college admission officers? Thanks.</p>
<p>A brag sheet is not meant to brag so much as to list some characteristics that the GC can use to steer the student toward some colleges rather than others, and to write recommendations. Brag sheets are supposed to let the GCs know things about the students which a look at the transcript would not reveal: character traits, extra-curricular activities and interests, perhaps prizes and awards, and so forth.</p>
<p>So you might say something along the lines of "deeply involved in community service (and give examples as you described in your post); loves bi-medical research (and give example, as above). If you must mention shyness, put a more positive spin on it: Your S is modest; his quietness belies in his deep engagement in the materials, etc… It is likely that his teachers will have noticed it, however, and will address this issue. No need for the GC to take that into account unless it is for the purpose of advising your S about which colleges to apply to.</p>
<p>Other ways to say “shy” that are positive merits:</p>
<p>active listener, reflective, thoughtful, proceeds thoughtfully in social situations, loyal friend, kind-hearted, modest concerning his own accomplishments, gracious, accomplished, has depth, intrinsically motivated, unpretentious, enjoys the process of doing and learning, not attention-seeking, authentically motivated, not demanding of fame or acclaim…</p>
<p>I never read Garrison Keillor (Prarie HOme Companion PBS Radio Host from Minnesota) but he often talks about being shy as a young man. If he write about it in his book, it could be illuminating.</p>
<p>Why do you even need to mention his being shy? You’re supposed to brag…so mention all of the great stuff. In addition to discussing the things the counselor should know about, be sure to mention all of the wonderful activities and characteristics that might not be evident to the counselor. How does it make you feel, and how does your son feel, about the tutoring he does? </p>
<p>Take this as an opportunity to write paragraphs that the counselor could just paraphrase or copy. Even in the best HS, counselors write many recs. Help the counselor (and your son) by writing something they can use!</p>
<p>Even though you haven’t provided additional info, I’m assuming the research and tutoring have taken up a good part of your son’s time. Perhaps he also has a job, or is involved in sports or other activities at school? Please excuse me for being so direct…but don’t write the brag sheet the way you wrote the opening entry on this thread. It’s quite possible that extroverted school leaders don’t have some of the wonderful characteristics and accomplishments of your son. Make sure the counselor knows what these wonderful characteristics and accomplishments are.</p>
<p>I once heard an Andover admission officer say to a group of prospective student families, “Nobody likes a braggart, but if you must brag, brag on your application.” In other words, what you put in your application to a school should be ALL the positive information that would help convince that school to admit you. You do not need to admit any negative information. </p>
<p>That said, I like the cultural pattern of east Asia, which may be the cultural pattern familiar to the person asking this question, in which parents only bring up bad information about their children, as a matter of politeness. So the parent says, “My child is lazy and doesn’t do his homework” all the while the child is working hard to be at the top of his class, or “My child isn’t popular at all, and doesn’t have many friends” while the child is well liked and frequently a major focus of the social scene at school. For a parent with a non-American cultural background, preparing an activity summary (“brag sheet”) for a high school counselor feels awkward, and even impolite, but it is actually a courtesy and a help to a busy high school counselor in America, who knows that the rule here is to mention all the best information possible in an application for a school. </p>
<p>Best wishes for much success for your child.</p>
<p>I had to write those for my son and daughter, too. It is good if you can tell a little story that illustrates some of your son’s traits. Adcoms tend to remember stories more than just adjectives. If you pm me, I’ll send you a copy of the ones I wrote.</p>
<p>paing3, nice creative synonyms</p>
<p>token, that is very interesting</p>
<p>“Is the shyness the negative trait to college admission officers?” I know only from teaching young children in a classroom, that we depend on group dynamics to make a good environment, which might be like when the AdCom’s try to assemble an entering class with good dynamics. </p>
<p>If by shy, you mean a kid who has to be cajoled, convinced, hand-held just to try new things, that drains energy, so one longs instead for a confident person. </p>
<p>If by shy, you mean a kid who listens, watches and wades in carefully at an appopriate moment for him/her, and then makes valuable contributions, then that’s a reall asset to the group.</p>
<p>Some of these “leader-alpha” kids are high maintenance, egotistical and irritating when there’s a room full of them. They, too, need the balance of the thoughtful/reflective types or they’d gladly jump off cliffs!</p>
<p>Also, some schools are notably tolerant of quieter, longer-take personalities. Your child might find “right fit” in a smaller LAC, a rural area, and so forth. Remember that even the professors are formed by the community they live in, and a face-to-face humane smaller community might welcome the “shy” person better than the fast-paced urban mega-university. Some schools talk about the ability to seek out resources with confidence and independence; NYU comes to mind. Because it’s in the heart of a major, fast-paced city, they seem to enjoy the type that thrives there and won’t “hide.” You could well hear a different tone (even on the websites) from smaller towns or sizes of schools that indicates better “fit” for this student.</p>
<p>Often, I found that parents thought their kids were shy when in fact they weren’t once they got away from the parents and into the school activities. Ask yourself if it’s really still true that s/he’s shy, or just something you’ve been repeating about the child since age 6 and perhaps is being already outgrown? I know some outgrow shyness but others don’t, even as adults, so I don’t want to minimize or dismiss the real and valuable presence of shy adults. This might be worth discussing with the GC who sees the student in the h.s. setting. At a young age, I thought my D was shy because she was so around our friends, but at school she was far more outgoing. A teacher wised me up when I asked about her shyness at a conference. She couldn’t believe we were talking about the same girl! So, from that I learned not to call her shy any more.</p>
<p>The expression “brag sheet” is really used as shorthand for “Tell me things about your child that I wouldn’t otherwise know.” </p>
<p>Being shy is not a bad thing. I agree with Marite and Paying3Tuitions about the alternative words they used; try those on and see if they fit. </p>
<p>For my older son, who was somewhat quiet, one of the characteristics about him that I “bragged” about was that he is fiercely loyal to his friends; once he makes a friend, he will have that friend for life. </p>
<p>Something like that is a good characteristic that the colleges genuinely want to know. It’s not just about the grades, scores, and leadership activities!</p>
<p>Our ‘brag sheets’ asked for outstanding personality traits, outstanding accomplishments, 5 adjectives, recent areas of development.</p>
<p>Our children told about any awards and participations. We (parents) spoke to friendships, safe responsible driver, service oriented activities and honoring commitments. We chose this type of focus, and told the GC, because they are internally driven attributes which will serve the child well wherever they may go.</p>
<p>PM for a copy of our latest ‘brag letter’.</p>
<p>What you emphasize may also depend on what your son wants out of college.</p>
<p>For example, if he’s planning to major in education, you would want to go into detail about his tutoring activities, with less space devoted to his research project.</p>
<p>On the other hand, if science is his main interest, it’s the research project that should get the detail.</p>
<p>Thanks All.</p>
<p>We have an extremely large high school, one of those where my son’s guidance counselors (he has two; time share work situation) couldn’t pick him out of a line-up, unless he was the only boy … and sometimes, I wonder, if even then. He’s one of those kids who, when he went in for credit checks for graduation, was told … you’re great, good … wonderful, now get out of my office. He wasn’t a “joiner,” in high school, except for FCA and almost all of his EC’s were outside school. He wasn’t a troublemaker … so they never saw him in that context. He was the quiet kid, who tended to sleep through class because he was so bored. <g> Anyway, when it came time to send stuff to colleges, his GC asked for a parent “brag sheet,” to stay with the OP’s terminology. It was my opportunity to address all the positive things he did, as well as addressing some family “crisis” situations that had occurred during his tenure, and how, in spite of that, he was still able to hold school together and take on a lot of additional family responsibity at home and deal with the grief of being the pallbearer at more funerals than any of his peers. This GC wrote outstanding rec letters. She sounded as though she knew him for years … intimately. So, I know that his acceptance/rejections will not be because she wasn’t able to do him justice. </g></p>
<p>Write the letter with the intent of helping your GC get to know your child better … so your S is not just a nameless/faceless person to him/her.</p>
<p>Zebes</p>
<p>At our school, the counselors want parental input so they can write a good rec letter. They use what we say, so no one can complain about it. Basically, I looked at it like…here’s what I’d want someone to say about my kid. If they didn’t like what I said, they didn’t have to use it. </p>
<p>They’re giving you the opportunity to write your son’s letter! Take it and run! Write up your son as if there’s no tomorrow!!</p>
<p>I agree with others that suggest using more positive words than “shy” (which I think can often have more negative connations like hesitant, fearful, timid); at the same time I can see how you might feel that you want to note this personality trait to explain a lack of ECs but in your son’s case, the quality of his ECs make up for their numbers and if you play those up well, the adcoms will see this. </p>
<p>What came to mind for me was something like “self-directed learner” esp in connection with the work he has been doing with the univ prof.</p>
<p>Lots of good suggestions here. I warned our GC to put on his sunglasses before reading the brag sheet I wrote on my son! This is no time to hide your child’s light under a bushel. I would suggest you highlight every good qualities your son posseses. One thing I did was mention some of the positive words his teachers have used over the years to describe him. This made it feel a <em>little</em> less boa<em>s</em>t<em>f</em>u*l. I’m sure many of us would be happy to read what you’ve written if you pm us. And I’d be willing to pm you what I wrote about my son (I first typed “sun” by mistake!)</p>
<p>I would take shyness over arrogance and pompous attitudes any day - from an employee, a friend, etc., as long as the shyness in not pathological - the hermit who never talks to anyone, hides in his room, etc. Remember, in most cases, still waters run deep, and introspection, truly good listening skills, and the lack of needing to be the center of attention are admirable qualities.</p>
<p>Plus, it is easier to work to assist someone from coming out of their shell than trying to shove the braggart back into one! ;)</p>
<p>As for leadership, someone who is helping tutor and work with neighborhood children is exhibiting leadership. Teachers are leaders of their students, after all.</p>