<p>You have gotten lots of good advice. Your father must be told, and the sooner the better. I would suggest that, in addition to having all of you there, you might try to get a third party authority figure to be present as a mediator. A minister, for example. I’d actually suggest a law enforcement person, if I thought they would do it, but I’m sure they won’t. Alternatively, if your father becomes physically violent, you should IMMEDIATELY call 911. I would have the phone in my hand and be prepared to call.</p>
<p>Note, I said “violent,” not enraged. He has every right to be enraged to discover that this has been withheld from him until it is too late to do anything. (Even though I understand why it happened…) He has the right to express anger, but not to physically threaten or harm anyone.</p>
<p>Hello, again. I’m writing this to respond to some earlier posts. And also to let some of this frustration out because writing it gives me some release as I have no one to talk to about this. Please, ignore that parts where I just rant.</p>
<p>Some of you have inquired about my brother’s disability and whether it can be taken into consideration regarding our failed loan modifications. My M has brought it up many times to our mortgage company both verbally and in writing. They have stated that they do not/will not take his condition into consideration. </p>
<p>Nothing would make me and my younger brother happier than to see my parents file Chapter VII Bankruptcy, then divorce. But my mom simply won’t leave because she can’t bear to part from her son, and put him in a nursing home in which he will not be able to receive the same services/treatments/therapies available to him now. He has a very severe traumatic brain injury which was classified early on as brain dead, then reclassified as persistently vegetative (think Terri Schiavo). He has since (10 years ago) been reclassified as conscious/aware/possessing cognition but remains physically incapacitated by Apraxia, severe epilepsy, and other disorders. She has no college degrees and hasn’t worked full-time since my brother’s accident because she has to take care of him when the IHSS care-giver is not here. She is very protective of him and doesn’t trust that he will get the same level of care in a nursing home because he is unable to speak or sign to tell us about his care. Without the funds my dad brings in, my mom feels trapped.</p>
<p>I told my mom to contact shelters and she said she will. But I have my doubts. Thank you for the suggestion, because I wouldn’t have thought of it. We are definitely going to have our phones next to us, 911 ready. Thank you. And I found out the the initial loan/mortgage was taken out in both of their names.</p>
<p>I am mainly writing this now because I’m starting to get really scared. Twice in one day my dad has flipped on my mom for small things. Early in the morning he screamed at and badgered her for not taking his medication out of the pharmacy bag and putting it in his workbag when the workbag was sitting right next to the pills! He yanked her out of bed and caused a scene (“I hate you! I wish I could leave you!”) at 3:45am. So he left without the pills and my mom drove out there, brother in tow to give him the pills on his lunch break! He (admittedly) said sarcastically said thank you, and my mom took offense and said he was condescending. My dad said “Wow, that’s a big word for you.” It blows my mind! He just got home an hour ago and he yelled at her again for a multitude of things that aren’t her fault or have nothing to do with her. I think he hates her as a person. If that is how he acts toward my mom when he has no basis for his anger, how bad is it going to be when we tell him THIS on Monday? I’M STARTING TO FREAK OUT.
Wow this is long. Sorry.</p>
<p>Perhaps I am over-simplifying this… however, can’t your mother divorce your father, file for bankruptcy, collect unemployment/disability checks (surely through your brother you can get some sort of state or fed assistance) and/or alimony from your dad, and then move in with you and your BF? Don’t you both have jobs? So you could support at least the rent and your mom could continue to care for your brother?</p>
<p>I think you’re not realizing the flip side in everyone’s suggestions to you… which is, if your mother doesn’t do something drastic, she will literally have no options. So if she stays, doesn’t divorce him, the house gets taken away, his violence escalates, perhaps your brother gets taken out of that environment and placed in a nursing home… I mean, what exactly do you all plan on doing then?</p>
<p>OF COURSE the are going to say this! The place to get accurate information is NOT the organization with a vested interest that conflicts directly with your mother’s!!</p>
<p>Do some searching and find the web sites of legal aid/help organizations. Try Legal Aid for your state, organizations that advocate for the disabled, etc. They can provide ACCURATE information about your legal situation. One of my BILs has been foreclosed upon, and his lender outright lied to him about what would happen vis-a-vis eviction.</p>
<p>Does your Mom/brother receive disability payments which can go toward food/housing? He should be on Medicaid for health coverage. Has anyone looked into day programs for individuals with traumatic brain injury or disabilities? This would free Mom up for part time job. </p>
<p>Sounds like you need to get a caseworker involved. What state are you in? Repost your info as a new thread, and you may get some great advice.</p>