Sort of a morbid subject but I need a tad of guidance.
I know I want a flat grave marker and there are a ton of internet providers. Any experience doing this? I’m not sure yet the cemetery guidelines for who has to install it and possible problems. I could probably find a local vendor but know it’s going to be much more expensive. Thanks for any help.
We went through the cemetery. The marker itself wasn’t pricey - simple, flat, name, birth and death years. It was made from random granite and we didn’t have a say in the color, therefore well under $500. The expense was the install and the one-time charge for perpetual maintenance (mowing the lawn, I presume.)
We just paid the cemetery as well. Chinese calligraphy characters cost extra. I can’t remember what we paid–probably a few thousand dollars. There were only a few color choices and if was fairly straight-forward. We didn’t shop around.
I recommend buying from a company that has a good reputation and that will guarantee its work. Yes, mistakes are sometimes made in engraving!
When we bought our marker, we got a sample of what the engraving would look like, including the Chinese calligraphy, to proofread before the final work was done. The finished marker was fine and had no errors. I’d suggest you ask for a proof or preview of the exact layout and wording before the work is performed so you are satisfied with the result.
If the deceased is a veteran of the US military, s/he may be eligible for burial benefits.
I’m always in favor of buying local.
If you use a local firm, do they install it also? Do you have to pay for installation separately if you buy it on the internet? Personally, I would not want one of my loved ones to have a tombstone “Made in China.”
This is definitely aa local item. Cemetery will have fees for setting and perhaps perpetual care. Maybe local dealers besides cemetery so you can price shop but reputation is big too. Granite quality varies as does engraving quality.
Having done this 3 times (mother, FIL, MIL–all buried in states far from where I live), I strongly suggest going with a local monument maker. The local maker will go out to take measurements of the site, contact the cemetery to get its requirements & regulations, then send you drawings & designs to choose from. The local monument maker will also set the stone for you. (The cost of setting the stone will be included in the cost estimate, but will be listed separately in the cost breakdown.)
FIL’s grave was on a rather steep hillside so required a special footing to keep the headstone level. Mom’s headstone was an issue because the cemetery had changed its headstone requirements since my father had passed away and no longer allowed upright headstones, so we ended up replacing both so they matched.
We used a local vendor for our parents. These vendors were actually familiar with all the cemeteries in the area…and knew the guidelines for stones at each one. We told them the cemetery, and plot number…and they pulled the info up from their data base. Then the vendor was able to give us the choices we had available. In our case, we did have the choice of stone color.
These things are sort of heavy. I wouldn’t want to pay the online shipping cost…and if there was an errot, I definitely would not want to pay to have it sent back!
This is a shop local item, in my opinion.
For my late father and FIL, who were both veterans (as were most males of that generation), they were entitled to a marker from the VA. When my father passed, his wishes were to be cremated, and his cremains were given to us to be interred in the family plot next to my late brother. He wanted no funeral home services - after losing his son he had said for years he just didn’t understand the purpose - and the substantial fee. So after the mass, we worked with the cemetery director for the interment. It took us 8 more months, working with the VA and finally his congressman, to finally get him a marker. The VA does not make it easy.
When FIL passed, he had previously purchased a prepaid funeral plan, and the funeral director took care of the arrangements with the VA to get the marker. It took 3 months, then we waited another month for snow to melt as there would have been an additional fee to remove snow to install the marker.
When MIL passed, the funeral director’s fee included getting a marker to match his.
My late in-laws went through many hassles, and they had a Medicaid attorney / estate planner advise them to purchase a prepaid funeral plan, to shelter assets, as it was a major goal of FIL to avoid passing on to his children their share of a funeral bill.
DH and I are determined to avoid these costs completely, and to donate our remains to medical research - there is always a need. We have instructed our family members of our wishes.
Thanks to all replies!
This particular historical cemetery does not have their own vendors working with them. But it does require someone local for the actual installing.
I do know that internet caskets are WAY more economical than working with a funeral home in many cases (not all).
To the tune of a few thousand in a friend’s case. In case someone is interested…
Most internet providers of grave markers have free shipping and some even provide service for finding someone local for installation (my main question). The main positive is I can design what I want.
One site has an added fee of 75 bucks for calling the cemetery and make all arrangements with guarantee.
I know (as for caskets) that installation service has to be provided in some manner.
Has anyone ever tried this?
Sorry this is so morbid. And seemingly crass. But I have at least 3 of these scenarios in the next very few years.
On the bright side everyone in my family lives to a very ripe old age!
I’m all for direct cremation. No casket. No nothing. You can buy an urn if you wish.
I sold a grave marker/head stone business as a business/real estate broker, thus know a little bit about the business. I don’t think it is worth the effort to buy the marker on line and have some one install it. As you know, not everyone can go into a grave yard to fiddle around the markers or anything. If you buy the marker on line, the installer will charge you some thing that make the on line product not worthwhile for you to do. Better have a professional do it for you, soup to nuts. That way, you know it is done correctly and all the fees are covered.
Also, the funeral home maybe able to handle it for you but that is twice as much as an independent marker business.
Thanks everyone–very helpful.