How to confront a snooping roommate?

College Life
1

<p>Help! I’m a freshman at college living in a two-room double. The layout of our dorm is like a regular single room, except my room is smaller and can only be accessed via our shared door. (My roommate has the outer, larger room.)</p>

<p>I used to be fairly good friends with my roommate, but due to various events last term, we are no longer on speaking terms. I try my best to peacefully co-exist with her, but she refuses to speak to me at all–unless she is shouting at me about how superficial I am, or accusing me of being obsessed with appearances. (I do my best to dress presentably every day because that was just something I was taught growing up.)</p>

<p>Now, my mom works at a small company that creates cloud security cameras. As I did in high school, I also help her company test its products in college. For this reason, I installed a small video camera in my room to help test some of its features. The camera can be turned on and off manually or by recognized pattern, but it will automatically wake up when it senses unexpected behavior.</p>

<p>I only installed the camera last week, but today I realized that my roommate frequents my room to do various things. These include behaviors like taking my food, using my nail polish, and choking the teddy bears in my room. (And these are just the better things.)</p>

<p>I am so flustered/surprised/speechless that I don’t know what to do anymore. My roommate is a fully functional, rational person (at least, when I was friends with her), and I would never expect her to do something like this. However, I also recognize that she gets jealous quite easily, although if she actually knew my life story I doubt she would be jealous. In any case, I get alerts on my phone whenever there is unrecognized activity, and the recording streams directly to an app on my phone; I’m certain that my eyes do not deceive me. I haven’t spoken to my parents yet because they tend to overreact, but I definitely want to confront my roommate. </p>

<p>How would you recommend going about this, especially in light of the fact that she refuses to talk to me besides via verbal abuse? </p>

<p>I have a meeting scheduled with our floor advisor tomorrow, but I’m not sure how much I want to say, because I don’t want this to escalate into something even worse.</p>

2

<p>Wow… lock up the teddy bears or send them home to live! I would not tell your parents, but I would talk to the room advisor. Do you have the video, or does it just stream and then disappear? If the room advisor says you should talk directly to the roommate, request that the room advisor set up a meeting with the 3 of you (makes it harder for your roommate to ignore you and abuse you when you are talking about it).</p>

<p>Honestly, it is late in the year – if it were first semester I would tell you to look for a room change at winter break (lots of students go off campus in the spring and spots sometimes open up because of that). But you are probably only 6 or 7 weeks from the end of the year. So you might have to just live with it. </p>

<p>Now… you might also want to do some self examination. Are you superficial and obsessed with appearances? Gotta say, I personally would not want to have that roommate… but you guys are near the end of the year, too. But I think you should call her out on her bad behavior. She has no reason to be in your room at all unless invited while you are there. I don’t suppose you can get a lock… but that would be another question for the room advisor. </p>

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<p>At your roommate meeting, don’t make it about whatever happened to interfere with your friendship. Don’t make it about feelings. Don’t talk about her being jealous, or anything that she’ll take as you attacking her. Simply state that you don’t want her in your room, period. Anything else has the potential to escalate and get messy</p>

4

<p>Thank you for such a quick reply!</p>

<p>And yes - the recording can be replayed, so I guess I have evidence if need be. I do agree that a room change may be good, but you’re also right that our year will be over soon. I would understand if it was just to eat food or something, but the stuffed animals issue is just bizarre and somewhat scary to me. (Especially if it’s symbolic of some deeper, bottled-up emotions she has.)</p>

<p>In my defense about the appearances remark, I work the front desk of the admissions office, so I try my best to be presentable since the office is often one of the first places that prospective students and families see when visiting campus. Also, I enjoy getting ready every morning, picking out my clothes, doing my hair, etc. The routine itself is somewhat of a safe haven for me, because it’s something stable I can look forward to every morning, if that makes any sense at all.</p>

<p>You know, I haven’t considered the idea of a lock on my door before. But at present, I think it may be the best course of action. Thanks for the suggestion, and I’ll bring it up to my UGA tomorrow!</p>

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<p>Post it on Youtube as a private video and send the link to your roommate. Tell her that, if she ever goes in your room again, you are going to make the link public and put up flyers on campus with her name and the link.</p>

6

<p>Personally, I don’t think a counter move that could be perceived by your roomie as threatening is the best way to go. Talk to the staff, let your RA know everything that’s going on, especially the stuff where you have the video-tape to back you up. What she’s doing to you is not OK, they need to know everything so they best know how to help.</p>

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<p>“choking the teddy bears in my room.”</p>

<p>Thats, um, rather disturbing. And indicative of deeper mental problems.</p>

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<p>I think having your roommate under video surveillance without her knowledge is just as creepy as her choking your teddy bears. Seems like a good match-up to me. </p>

9

<p>I am not a behavioral expert, but she is verbally abusing you and the teddy bear choking is extremely bizarre. You need to tell someone and tell them quickly. And no one should be taking your supplies without asking.</p>

10

<p>Sorry to hear that you both are not getting along. I would say its only a month left and you are bound to get a new roomie next semester, So toughen it out to the best of your ability… since you have try “PEACE” and it’s still not working.
That being said, PLEASE DO NOT put any videos of your roomie or anyone else without their consent on any social network or share it with anyone for that matter.
You can be liable here for unauthorized recordings, especially not informing her that you have a “TEST” camera in the space that both of you have equal rights to.
I would say use this as a learning experience, hope to make better friendship with your new roommate next semester, and if you choose to confront here, be ready for some backlash of having a camera in the room.
Now that, I am worried as it can escalate to something none of you were quite ready for.
Best of luck to you.</p>

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<p>Get to the bottom of this with roommate and the residential dorm authorities as soon as you can. The roommate has no justifiable reason to enter your room…especially after the friendship went south and considering your roommate doesn’t need to enter your room to access her’s. </p>

<p>I know what kind of dorm rooms you’re talking about as my college had such rooms too. </p>

<p>Also, I’d check to see if using video surveillance equipment in your own private room somehow violates the campus housing terms. While I personally feel you did nothing wrong as that room is your own private room without expectation of roommates, the dorm authorities may take a differing view. </p>

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<p>I would agree if this was a shared room. </p>

<p>However, considering the video surveillance is contained in OP’s own room which the roommate has no reasonable expected right or need to enter, I don’t agree. </p>

<p>Especially considering the only way it’s an issue is if the roommate entered OP’s room in the first place…something she has no business doing anyways. </p>