So maybe the friend’s kid won’t get into the college anyway. Maybe the right direction to steer a conversation in is the idea of an affordable safety that the kid really likes.
@intparent Do we know much about this kid, except that he might want UCSB and Comp Sci, he lives in NJ, and Dad went to Columbia? He may be the rock star of the school, with perfect SATs, and amazing talents, but just a late starter in math - Everyone needs safety, target and reach schools, but who knows what those might be for this kid? What’s affordable and what’s not for a family we don’t know. Maybe he will get into UCSB - Maybe he won’t even apply. Not sure this thread can help much more beyond what has already been tossed around.
Sure – and if the OP brings up how hard it is to find a safety that a kid likes, is affordable, and they are pretty sure to get into, that info may be revealed.
OP here: I don’t think my friend’s kid is a rock star…I think he was a late bloomer and now has been told he can’t double up on math.
I do make sure to mention to check out Naviance…but until he takes SATs he won’t know what will be a match.
@bopper seems to know a lot of details about his friend’s son. This suggests more than a casual friendship to me. The topic of college costs probably isn’t overstepping bounds, but you have to approach it gently. I wouldn’t engage in conversation with the goal of changing his mind. Just ask questions when the topic comes up and pass on what you know.
The daughter of a dear friend is starting college this fall. She wants to be a doctor. She was accepted to our local state school but had her heart set on a more expensive private college. The topic of her daughter’s college options came up just after financial aid packages came out. Decision day was fast approaching and my friend and her husband were reeling from the cost of college, confused about financial aid, and concerned about how much they’d have to borrow. I didn’t criticize their choices. I explained ours.
We were in a similar situation with our son, so I ran through the numbers of a couple of our financial aid packages and explained the funding options. Then I left them to make the decision that was right for their family. She’s happily enrolled in the public school, and I think part of the reason she’s happy is because her parents got her involved in the process and weighed the options with her. The decision wasn’t forced on her by her parents or well meaning family friends.
I have a friend in my town who I have known for over 15 years. We can go for periods where we may not speak for 6 months due to being busy, etc. She called me at the beginning of her son’s senior year to discuss college (he will start in August). Then she called me again once decisions and packages came back. She told me that choice #1 was an OOS public school’s honors program that gave him some merit (did not say how much and I did not ask), and choice #2 was a well known private school that gave him FA. She told me it was narrowed down to these two choices and she called for my advice. While I did not tell her what to do and did not ask for the financial details, I asked her to check the private school’s FA for her son’s sophomore year and beyond. I reminded her that the package was created when she had two in college, and once her other child graduated it is very likely that the aid would drop significantly or disappear completely. I never implied that the cost would be too high for them (not saying that @bopper did this). She called me the next day and thanked me- it turned out that after the first year they would not receive FA- and full pay for three years at an expensive private school was not something they wanted to do. He chose the OOS public honors program with merit.
I think these conversations are fine as long as they are approached gently, as @austinmshauri mentioned, and they come up naturally in the appropriate context.
Closing thread. It seems to have drifted off into personal conversations about another member, which is a hijack of the thread, and continuing discussion of math requirements which is really not the topic either. So I guess everything that needed to be said about the OP’s thread post has been said.