How to convince parents to allow gap year?

Parent Cafe
1

<p>I’m not 100% sure if this is the right forum for this but I wanted parents’ perspectives…</p>

<p>So my older sister introduced me to the idea of a gap year after she met several friends who had taken gap years and felt that their experiences had helped them grow as a person. After looking through various gap year programs, I realized that one thing I’ve always wanted to do (ever since I was a little kid, at least) is to live in Australia for a year or so, while I’m still youthful. I searched and found that Australia offers a Visa program called the “Work and Holiday Program” that is aimed at young people who have recently graduated from either high school or college. This Visa allows for people to maintain part-time jobs for up to 6 months at a time, and since my family has numerous close family friends in Australia (many of whom own businesses), this seems like a viable option. I’ve searched and have also found a variety of housing options for young internationals, most of which wouldn’t be too difficult to pay for.</p>

<p>I’d like to note the fact that, as a result of the jobs I’ve held over the past couple years, I will have several thousand dollars saved up to pay for this endeavor. The Visa program advises people to have around $5,000 saved, which is actually slightly less than I have saved. I would use the remainder of my funds to help pay for transportation and emergency fees.</p>

<p>My parents have a couple of qualms about my plan:</p>

<p>1) WE DON’T WANT YOU OVERSEAS - My parents believe that some cataclysmic terrorist attack will occur while I am away and think that I would be separated from them forever…I don’t know how to reason with them about this, they just shout over me when I try to explain how unlikely a situation like that would be.</p>

<p>2) MONEY - I’m fortunate enough to have parents who can pay for the majority of my education at a private university. I’m thankful for this, but my parents seem to be under the impression that this excursion would somehow prevent them from paying for college. I’ve pressed them for a more thorough explanation but they then ignore me.</p>

<p>Both of these issues seem to lie in the fact that they are resistant to the idea of a gap year. Whenever I try to have an honest discussion with them about the possibility of a gap year, they simply do not listen and try to yell over me. </p>

<p>I read in another thread that if a student wants to take a gap year, he or she must simply “do it” without fear or regret. I don’t believe I would have any fears or regrets…but my parents would be furious if I went against their will and flew off to Australia (i.e. they wouldn’t pay for my college).</p>

<p>So…does anyone have any advice? Please?</p>

2

<p>I have known people who did not go to university immediately after high school, or who took years off during their university education. However, they were doing military service or religious missionary activities during that time.</p>

<p>What is the reason for wanting to take a gap year? Is it because you do not want to be put on a schedule to decide what you want to study so quickly? While going to Australia may sound like a vacation for the first few weeks, it may become more ordinary after you have been living there for a few weeks or months and doing whatever job is available to a high school graduate with no further education.</p>

<p>Could you take a gap year at home? I.e. take a job, and take a light course load at a community college to see what you may be more interested in studying before going to a four year university and being put on a schedule to choose a major within two years.</p>

3

<p>It sounds like you need to more clearly work on compromising with your family and figure out why you and they can’t talk without yelling. Many students apply to colleges & get a deferral on their acceptance, so that they know the college will be waiting for them upon the completion of their “gap year.” Perhaps having this be a part of your gap year may improve the situation.</p>

<p>The other thing is to have an open conversation with your folks about THEIR interests as well as yours, THEIR concerns, as well as yours, and how to have both met. It’s not as if you’re going to suddenly age when you’re in college, so if you travel after graduation from college, you will STILL be young/youthful. What does your older sister say about their reaction to your plan? Did she ever try a gap year herself? How did your folks react to that? Does your family know any families well that had a great experience with a gap year? Perhaps speaking with them, you and your family can learn what worked well and what worked not so well, alleviating some of your folks concerns and have the most positive experience possible (or perhaps decide to defer it until after completing college).</p>

<p>Anyway, these are my preliminary thoughts. Our kids did NOT request or have a gap year, tho S has had a post-college gap year while he’s been waiting for his security clearance and job to start. We’ve enjoyed the time he’s been around & he’s been very helpful around the house. We hope he’ll do a bit of traveling as well.</p>

4

<p>Your parents may be concerned that you will meet a special someone during your stay, and you will then want to spend all of your college years in Australia, or spend a fortune traveling back and forth to Australia to maintain the relationship.</p>

<p>How about a summer program? Or postponing your year abroad until after you graduate? Or arranging for a semester or year abroad during your undergraduate years?</p>

5

<p>You asked for opinions as parents, and I’ll provide my opinion as a parent.</p>

<p>As a parent, my hope would be for high school students to go directly to college rather than spending 6 months on an extended vacation in a foreign country. However, if a son or daughter decided they really weren’t ready for college and really wanted to do something else, I’d much prefer that they work full time and fully support themselves rather than blow life savings on a trip when there are so many other expenses that will be coming up in future years (college, vehicle, new apartment, wedding, down payment for house, rainy day fund for when life takes a bad toll, retirement fund, etc, etc.)</p>

<p>Going there for a semster abroad or summer internship or Christmas break sounds like a lot better option than taking a 6 month vacation straight out of a high school.</p>

6

<p>*MONEY - I’m fortunate enough to have parents who can pay for the majority of my education at a private university. I’m thankful for this, but my parents seem to be under the impression that this excursion would somehow prevent them from paying for college. I’ve pressed them for a more thorough explanation but they then ignore me.</p>

<p>*</p>

<p>It sounds like your parents have budgeted X amount for college. So, if you were to take a gap year, and that gap year will cost a portion of that X amount, then your college fund will be short. </p>

<p>How much will a gap year likely cost? Do NOT underestimate…these things often cost more than you’d expect.</p>

7

<p>Would your parents be more open if you were doing a gap year program like NOLS (National Outdoor Leadership School) that involved education? I’m a parent, and I’m very open to my son doing this, as it’s a program he might not be able to do once he starts college, and, I’ve known of many kids that have done these programs that thrived during and after the program because of what they’ve learned. They do have programs in Austrailia, too, and some college credit is possible depending on what you study and whether your college would accept the transfer credit. You can do a month, a semester, or a year programs.</p>

8

<p>IMHO-
Your parents do not trust a program found online-could be bogus and shady.
Find a program that is associated with an Australian university or established and noted association like the Australian Conservation Foundation.
Are you aware Australia has been hit with massive wildfires and in other areas massive flooding?
Your parents may be afraid you will not focus on applying to colleges but distracted by your gap year plans.
Will you be 18 years old when you are gapping?</p>

9

<p>I’m not a parent but a college applicant on a gap year, and I can tell you that I’ve really grown as a person since last summer. So far, I’ve had many opportunities to pursue my interests, tackle real-life problems, learn new things, and, above all, think about where my life is going. Life in college is very hectic, from what my friends have been telling me, and it’s good to have a year to myself just to think about my future and recharge after high school, you know, take a step back and really look at my life–because I don’t know if I’ll have the time to do that later on, and I don’t want to go to college with my self-esteem depending on things like grades and test scores. So I’d definitely encourage you to consider the option of a gap year, a sabbatical of sorts. And I think you’re going through the application process right now, isn’t that right? So if you take a gap year, you’ll already have all that college stuff figured out, which will be an immense load off your shoulders, believe me!</p>

<p>Sadly, I don’t think I can give you any valuable advice re. your parents, but if you really want to take a year off, don’t let anyone convince you it wouldn’t be worth it! IMO, it’s a reminder that there’s more to life than external evaluations and meeting other people’s expectations, and it’s immensely freeing to know this.</p>

10

<p>First of all, it would be important to find maybe a few gap year programs that are very-well thought of. Educational or service-oriented. Jusy make sure they have a good reputation, and be able to provide some back-up on that.</p>

<p>Then, I would suggest that you find an ally, someone your parents know and respect very much, who could help explain the benefits of a gap year.</p>

<p>Finally, if this does not work out, just try to look ahead (a few short years!) to junior year abroad, and I hope you would be able to convince your parents that this would be a productive, beneficial experience. [If the gap year concept is alien to them, again, it would really help for a successful well-educated adult to talk to them about the benefits of this kind of experience.] But by then you will have a track record behind you of being on your own and successful in college, and their comfort level with it may be a lot higher.</p>

<p>One other idea, if you stayed with relatives, and perhaps were able to get a job, they may be a lot more in favor of it: your relatives would keep an eye on you and help keep you safe, and it would be a lot cheaper - if you were able to work, you might even come home with more money!</p>

<p>One of parents’ big concerns with a gap year between high school & college is that the child may never go back to school. So if you apply and get accepted, often you can then defer your matriculation for one year. If you can convince your parents that nothing will prevent you from going to college, that might help too!</p>