How to convince parents to let me visit a college by myself?

Parent Cafe
1

<p>First off, I apologize for the (probably unnecessarily) long post.</p>

<p>So here’s the deal. I’m a senior in high school and I turn 18 in just over a month. I’m applying to 4 colleges, and one is a quite small school about 4 hours away from where I live. I’ve visited the other three with my parents, so this is the only college that I haven’t visited yet. A friend of mine who already goes to that school as a freshman offered to let me sleep overnight in one of the dorms to see what the dorms/campus was actually like without the overly-peppy distortion of a tour guide. I pitched the idea to my parents and they were all for it. So the plan was for me and both my parents to go down in a few weeks and take some campus tours during the day and I would spend the night in a dorm and they would spend it at a motel. Sounds great.</p>

<p>First problem was that I e-mailed one of the schools admissions officers to set up a tour, since they do them by appointment only because it’s such a small school. As it turns out, they don’t offer tours on Saturdays, but I couldn’t afford to miss school/my parents couldn’t miss work to come during a weekday. So there would be no formal campus tour. No problem really, just a minor inconvenience.</p>

<p>Then it turns out that my mom can’t go that weekend. I ask my dad if he still wants to go, and he seems kind of skeptical. I don’t blame him. He would be spending the night in a motel by himself after not even getting a formal campus tour during the day. I wouldn’t exactly be psyched for that either. But he (seemingly reluctantly) agreed to go anyway.</p>

<p>So here’s the thing. I think it would be better if I went to visit by myself, and if I liked the campus and if I get accepted then we can all arrange a day in the spring to visit the campus together. There really would be nothing for my dad to do during the day since there’s no formal campus tour or activities or anything, and I feel bad about making him stay in a motel room by himself and he doesn’t seem too thrilled at the prospect either. </p>

<p>If we don’t go that weekend the next available weekend isn’t until December, when all the kids are out for winter break and there’s nobody at the campus. That’s not exactly an ideal campus visit. After December the next weekend is in March, and I really do want to visit it before then.</p>

<p>So how do I convince my parents to let me go by myself? I’m 18 in just over a month and have a spotless driving record – no tickets, no accidents, nothing. It’s only a few hours away and I would have my cellphone with me the whole time. I’m also not inexperienced with driving on the interstate, I’ve logged somewhere around 1000 miles in total on the expressway.</p>

<p>Also if you were my parent, what would you say in this situation? Yea or nay?</p>

<p>I appreciate the input. :)</p>

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<p>You sound responsible, but I would be reluctant to allow a high school student to drive “a few hours” each way alone. Are you normally allowed to drive that far? Is there some other way (train? plane? catching a ride with another family?) that you could travel back and forth.</p>

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<p>My parents let me drive four hours each way to visit family in the bay area all the time, and I just got my license a little over six months ago (I’m sixteen). </p>

<p>Hate to break it to you, but if your parents already said no, then chances are they won’t be changing their minds. </p>

<p>Also take into consideration that it might not be the long drive, but they may be reluctant for you to stay in a college dorm overnight without them being close by. Tons of things could go wrong. </p>

<p>I would say just go with you dad, and try to make the best of it. Or maybe an aunt/uncle or other adult relative could go.</p>

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<p>I would say OK if you drove during the daylight hours and text when you arrived and before you came home.</p>

5

<p>Assuming the 4 hour drive isn’t through some sort of foreign-to-you, highly dangerous terrain with banditos and what not, I’d say ‘yea.’</p>

<p>Tell your parents you’ll check in with them during the drive and when you get there. On the return trip, promise to leave the school a particular time, and arrive home at a particular time. Ask them what THEY would look for in a school, and try to check that out when you’re there. Present this as a timely and cost-effective opportunity. Hopefully, they’ll agree.</p>

6

<p>I would not let my high school senior drive 4 hours by himself. Do you have to visit the school either in order to “show interest” or to be able to answer an essay question on the application as to why you are choosing this school? If so, let your dad go with you. I did a similar trip with both my kids and simply amused myself by walking around town, reading a book, watching TV, etc. while my child stayed in the dorm with a current student.</p>

<p>If you don’t need to show interest or answer an essay question, why not wait until you get accepted (being positive here!) and then go visit with your parents? Good luck!</p>

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<p>“Mom, dad…I really think this school might be a good option for me, but I want to do the responsible thing and make a visit/take a tour now before spending money on an application. I think this is something I can handle on my own; dad probably wouldn’t have a very good time alone in the hotel anyway. But I feel very confident that I can drive the distance myself, especially since [ we have / you just agreed to buy me ] AAA. After all, next year I’ll be completely on my own, so this short trip would be a good way to demonstrate how responsible I am.”</p>

<p>Note the repeated use of the word responsible.</p>

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<p>I would just take your dad. He might actually enjoy a quiet night alone in a hotel…reading or watching a movie.</p>

9

<p>Harpo, if I were your parent I would suspect that you were trying awfully hard to be “helpful” and not trouble Dear Old Dad to be alone in a motel room by himself. Maybe it is just me, but you seem to be awfully eager to relieve your folks of that tedious trip.</p>

<p>Actually, I know it is just me, because I have a daughter who used to propose such things regularly, and it always turned out there were “other plans” being made in the background.</p>

<p>You really should visit a school while classes are going on, and go to some of them. Doesn’t your h.s. let you take a day or two off during your Sr year to do this? If I were you, I would try my hardest to get to visit the place on a weekday & sit in on a couple of classes, then stay the night with the friend. </p>

<p>Also, speaking strictly from the safety point of view, I would not be overly eager to let a new driver do 2 4-hr stints in a row alone on the interstate. You are certainly going to be up late with your friend in his dorm room, no matter what you are doing, and the drive home the next day is going to be tiring even if you have had a full night’s sleep. And you know you are not going to.</p>

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<p>I wouldn’t let a high school senior drive more than two hours alone. Four would be fine if there was another kid to trade off driving.</p>

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<p>I wouldn’t have let my HS senior drive 4 hours alone. Plus, I’ve since learned what goes on at colleges during the weekends. There’s a reason they don’t do campus-sanctioned sleepovers Thurs - Sun :)</p>

<p>Having said that, I actually think staying with a current student during the weekend might be a good idea, but I agree you should see the campus and some classes in action during the week.</p>

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<p>I can’t believe the objection to a four-hour drive. No biggie to me, as long as it’s an experienced driver.</p>

<p>I’d tell your dad that he’s welcome to come but you’re happy to do it alone, too. Just see what they say. I thought allowing ds to visit colleges alone was a positive, important thing for him to do as negotiating the trip alone is part of the decision-making process.</p>

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<p>I agree Youdon’tsay… he’s 18. I guess people have different comfort levels… wonder what they would say to the fact that my 17 year old traveled with an 18 year old throughout remote regions of Argentina while she was on semester abroad in high school. As a 19 year old she went to Africa by herself. I can’t imagine the look on her face had I told her, at 18, she couldn’t drive for 4 hours…</p>

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<p>I never thought I’d let my 18 year old son drive to and from LA (7 hours)…but then I did (a few weeks after graduation) and he was fine. Glad we got past that right of passage unscathed. He had someone with him…but he slept!</p>

<p>A reliable car and triple A is as important as an experienced, responsible driver.</p>

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<p>As long as you have done a trip of similar length before with no issues, your parents may be very open for it. If not, then you will have to show them a plan that will keep them aware that you arrived safely, maybe another call to prove you are alive once there, and again once you start to drive back. Of course you’re going to ‘experience’ college as well as check out the campus; your parents hopefully realize that to some extent, but don’t be stupid, don’t drive if you do decide to ‘experience’ college, and make sure your friend really has a place for you to sleep. While you’re there, get a sense of what the other students are doing and saying … what are their basic values, do they match yours? What are their attitudes about school and making progressin life … does that match yours? Very bright students like to have fun and students that don’t work so hard like to have fun, so use this as a chance to get a sense of the students.</p>

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<p>I am not opposed to letting my kids go on travel adventures (foreign or domestic). I am just opposed to letting a kid drive alone for 4 hours because I believe in travel fatigue. I live in the middle of nowhere where driving 4 hours can be quite hypnotic and down right scary if you have car trouble.</p>

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<p>By the time my kids were your age they had been driving almost 4 years - evenly split between with parents and alone in all kinds of conditions. By the time they were seniors they had dealt with longer drives and broken down cars and getting stuck two-tracking (against the rules). That said…there is always that first time for parents so don’t discount their angst. I would say your most compelling argument is that there does need to be a first time. If you’ve been driving a few years on your own and not just in your own town, in the kind of traffic or conditions you will face, have no tickets, and your parents trust your driving generally you could promise to drive during daylight and not during rush hour if the drive includes urban, call or text the minute you got there, call of text the minute you leave and have a reliable car to drive you might have a chance at convincing them. It is a parent right of passage and it’s a tough one. Unfortunately my H drove across county the month after he got his license in a really bad pinto wagon…me I can’t sleep when my kids are out driving even if it’s a mile away so appreciate the position your parents are in.</p>

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<p>Why don’t you take a bus?</p>

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<p>Before asking for permission again, check with local motels to see if they will rent to an 18-year-old, and check the hotel reservation sites online to make sure all the rooms aren’t booked (as they might be if the weekend when you plan to visit is one when something important is happening at the college – like Homecoming or Parents’ Weekend).</p>

<p>One of your parents’ concerns may be that if you go alone and something in the dorm situation makes you uncomfortable (e.g., underage drinking), you might not be able to find an alternative place to stay. This is a legitimate concern because some hotels will not rent to people as young as you. But if you can find a potential alternative place to stay just in case you need one, your parents might feel more comfortable. (You don’t need to make a reservation; you just need to know whether the option of staying in a motel is possible.)</p>