<p>I know a lot of threads have made about this, but I think my case is a little different. I’m going to be a senior in college, so you would think I would have gotten over this like three years ago after my rejections from colleges, but every once in a while, I still feel bitter and upset and hopeless about all this. And with grad school apps coming up, those feelings are starting to come back again.</p>
<p>The other thing is that I’m not just upset about college rejections; in fact, I think those were the easiest to deal with since I’d been prepared by CC to assume that everything is a crapshoot. But I’ve gotten rejections from lots of things, from summer programs to internships to orchestras to classes and other preforming arts group (and girls lol), and it feels like they just keep coming and coming. I just made a list of my acceptance and rejections, and I’ve gotten twice as many rejection letters as acceptance letters since entering high school, and four times as many rejections as acceptances since entering college. And those don’t count the times I entered a compeition that I worked hard at, but didn’t do as well as I wanted, or the times I chose not to apply or try out for something because I didn’t want to gain a reputation, or because I didn’t have the resources to enter in the first place.</p>
<p>And I’d like to talk to my friends or parents about it I think, but I feel like they wouldn’t understand because they don’t try to do any many things as I do. Or for some of them, because they got accepted to the things I got rejected from, and it’s hard to talk about this to your friend who got accepted to a summer research program that I got rejected from, and who then decided they were more interested in investment banking when you’ve stayed interested in research for five years, for example. I’ve been working on telling myself that these things don’t matter, and that even if I’m the only person in the world that gets rejected from these things all the time, that I should just keep going and trying my best, but that doesn’t always seem to help me get over things. Does anyone have any advice?</p>
<p>My standard joke is that, If I had a nickel for every job I applied for and didn’t get, I wouldn’t need to work any more.</p>
<p>Stop counting. Rejections are much more common for everyone. If you didn’t get rejected, how would you know you’re aiming high enough?</p>
<p>I don’t know anything about you but what’s in your post, but I assume you were accepted at a good college – from which many others were rejected. And you’ve undoubtedly received other “acceptances” of one sort or another in your life, when others did not receive those same acceptances.</p>
<p>There’s an expression that, I believe, has to guide our lives: “If you can’t do what you want, do what you can.” Maybe you want to go to School A for graduate school, but you get rejected. Well, you can throw in the towel and crawl under your bed, or you can go to School B, which did accept you, and still become whatever the grad program prepares you to become.</p>
<p>It’s all a journey – not a singular destination.</p>
<p>I read of a writer who received 60 rejections for her book, and only one acceptance. In the end, it was irrelevant that she had received many more rejections than acceptances. That one was good enough.</p>
<p>The writer in question is Kathryn Stockett, author of The Help, both a phenomenal best seller and blockbuster movie.</p>
<p>Try to change your perspective and think of it as their loss rather than yours. They could have had a great student/boyfriend/employee/whatever.</p>
<p>It may also help to speak with a good therapist to a). deal with your disappointment and inability to get over it and b). see if you are projecting something that gives a message to others that causes them to be hesitant to take you on.</p>
<p>I don’t know if this will help, but for perspective: I’m doing significant downsizing on our home, in preparation for H’s retirement. Between us, we have many degrees, two job histories, and feel we have had successful careers. We’ve achieved the goals WE set for ourselves. </p>
<p>I’m stunned by how many files of papers I’m tossing that consist of “rejection” letters, from jobs/houses/volunteer positions that we applied to but were declined. I had tossed one file of 57 rejection letters for the 1 teaching job I did get. Point is: I got to teach, but had to work SO HARD to get that opportunity. </p>
<p>Rejection is the overhead of ambitious living. Shoot for the stars, because even if you don’t get that you’ll land on a moon, at least.</p>
<p>^You save rejection letters? I toss them, but I keep a mental list of where they came from. For this I have a good memory. </p>
<p>I am 50+ years old, and I care a lot less now than I did when I was the OP’s age about rejections, but it is hard to not care at all. The best answer is to keep plugging away, even if it is 58 applications for a job or 61 for a book. Eventually you will find success.
I have also had many more rejections than acceptances, but I have done ok, and none of them ever stopped me from doing what I ultimately wanted. I think it is important to have your goal be a bit flexible. Don’t say I must go to X school or bust. Try to find a lot of programs, jobs or whatever that will enable you to do something that you want to do.</p>
<p>I applied for a number of jobs, and three types of grad schools when I was graduating college. I had a few offers and a few rejections.</p>
<p>Yes, for all sizes of ambition. A friend, reentering the dating world after divorce, and hating it, was told by a buddy “throughput! what you need it throughput!” Which is another way of saying that you’ve gotta kiss a lot of frogs to find one prince.</p>
<p>Another friend snagged some great research and travel opportunities over the years. His secret? He applies for everything. He gets rejected from most things. </p>
<p>When I was learning to ski and inline skate (and I’m pretty bad at both ), I kept hearing “if you’re not falling, you’re not pushing yourself enough.” Probably not very good advice for mountain climbing but excellent advice for most everything else. </p>
<p>You mention not wanting to talk to friends who’ve been accepted to things from which you’ve been rejected. If another friend–who’d been rejected from an opportunity which you won–wanted to talk to you about their disappointment, what would you say to them? You might mention your own defeats and disappointments. You’d probably talk about your friend’s positive qualities and strengths. Your actions would reassure your friend that they weren’t alone in feeling down about not getting something. Your own friends will extend this same level of understanding to you, because that’s the nature of friendship.</p>
), I kept hearing “if you’re not falling, you’re not pushing yourself enough.” Probably not very good advice for mountain climbing 
but excellent advice for most everything else. </p>