I don’t have a daughter but isn’t that what mothers and daughters do…talk things through, share, support and give advice? One can trust her mom not to blab it to anyone where if you talk about the problem with a new friend on campus you really don’t know if the conversation is safe.
My thoughts…keep trying to engage with others and find space. Before my son went off to college I gave him suggestions as to ways to find space form others because he enjoys his alone time.
It just sounds like a huge overreaction to a situation that an 18 year old should be able to handle themselves. I would never had run to my parents with an interpersonal issue. My DS never would have either. He would save those discussions for something serious.
To be fair, we don’t know what she has already tried - she may have tried to handle it herself, but was having trouble making it work. There is nothing wrong with calling Mom. I would rather my adult children be used to calling me for smaller things, because then they are more comfortable talking through the bigger things with me.
She can spend less time in her room, and find ways to “escape” her roommate, but requiring her to do so isn’t completely fair - it’s her room too. I had to do that my freshman year, and resented my roommate for it. Thankfully I didn’t have any classes with her, and wasn’t on a team. But I was in ROTC, and would have appreciated being able to do my preparation (things like shining shoes) in my own room, rather than down the hall in a classmate’s room.
That said, finding others to socialize with, and not creating extra opportunities for the roommate to socialize with her is a good first step. If she feels a need to complain, then yes call mom. She won’t get backlash, just an understanding ear.
Not sure why talks between parent/child need to be just serious issues. It was like that between myself and my parents growing up. I didn’t let them know when I was sick or down, but I also didn’t share a lot of happy events in my life either. It wasn’t until they were older that they felt comfortable to just have a chat with me.
I’ll admit it. I’m 51 and still enjoy calling my mom, sometimes venting about things that bug me - she vents to me too. We call it sharing life with each other. I’m going to miss her when she’s gone and have no regrets regarding our phone calls.
I love it when my lads call to share things too - big things, little things, life things. I hope they never stop.
To the OP can she at least see if she can change roomies at the end of the semester? In the meantime, I’d definitely try expanding her own friend circle instead of hanging out with her rm all the time. She can always excuse herself with the line, “Hey Susie, I’m going to _____. I’ve heard these stories before anyway.”
But, but, if you discourage your kid from asking for your advice on minor issues – interpersonal or otherwise – how will you feel comfortable asking them for advice on problems with your electronic devices? We can’t expect them to act as our Help Desk if we don’t help them, too.
I would suggest that the thing to do is for the young woman to simply say to her roommate when in their room, “I’m sorry, but I need some quiet time now.”
There is no need to proceed to insults, such as “You talk too much!” (Which is completely a matter of perspective, anyway.)
Very good advice from @Consolation The niece doesn’t need to be an audience for the roommate. Nip it in the bud now rather than later.
Have to admit that my initial reaction to this post was to eye roll and get on my internal high horse that my kid would just work it out and I would hear a quick one liner about the roommate being a pia and that’s it. Then yesterday I got a very freaked out call, with tears, about how to manage an OUTFIT for a job fair when she didn’t have time to go back to the dorm to change before lab. I almost laughed out loud. (For those interested the resolution was putting shoes and accessories in the backpack and making sure the dress outfit was lab appropriate). At least I’m still needed ; )
Yesterday, my sister told us about how concerned her daughter was when her annoying roommate got sick and how she walked three miles to get girl’s favorite soup. She thinks they are developing a bond and hopefully will be able to be honest to each other about things they find annoying.
In meanwhile, she is using headphones and spending more time in library.
@IronMaiden I think it’s about strong parental bond where kids feel comfortable chatting with parents about random things and know they won’t be judged or lectured.
I doubt I would’ve shared it with my parents as it was nice but more formal relationship.