<p>My sister-in-law, 52, died suddenly of heart attack last week. What’s so dramatic and hard is my family was visiting hers just a week prior to her death. And we haven’t seen each other for many years since we live so far away(we live in Louisiana and she in seattle). The timing of the visit was as if we knew we’d see her for the last time…sigh.</p>
<p>She left behind two grown kids and a husband. Ironically, the one we worry the most is not her family but her younger sister, 42, who also lives in Seattle. Over the years, she suffers from on and off depression and just last winter she frequently talked of suicide but never really did. During these times, her sister has been providing the support and caring that we thought might have prevented her from tipping over.</p>
<p>Her depression seems to follow the season pattern in Seattle. How bad is the winter season in Seattle? Now that her most important support is gone, we fear a long difficult winter is waiting for her. </p>
<p>She has a husband and a 6 year old daughter. I’m sure her husband has done his part but apparently to no avail. I’m just curious about the season pattern in Seattle. We went camping in San Juan Island for a week two weeks ago and the weather was absolutely fabulous. Should we advise her family to move (to California? where her another sister lives)? Again, just how bad is winter in Seattle?</p>
<p>Winter can be bad here for those with seasonal affective disorder–a friend of ours moved to Santa Barbara specifically for that reason. However, for those without SAD (and most depression is not seasonal), the winters here can be quite beautiful, if a bit on the grey and misty side (personally, I love them). </p>
<p>Any move is a pretty drastic step. What does the husband think?</p>
<p>frankly- winter can suck- some more than others- last winter when we had 27 consecutive days of rain- was enough to drive you to drink!</p>
<p>Winters with cold and sunny weather are much easier to handle than weeks of rain- it isn’t just the grey skies, it is also dealing with the mud- the wet basements- the washed out roads…</p>
<p>there are supports in Seattle however- support groups, therapists…
Moving is a pretty big step and could even make it worse, because when you expect something to fix it and it doesn’t, that can be even more shattering.</p>
<p>Her husband is ambivalent about moving. They are both graduates of UW from department of electrical engineering, he a Ph.D and she a master. He works for microsoft and his aging parents also live there. So the move will not be easy, although the husband seems open about the move.</p>
<p>emeraldkity,</p>
<p>I’ll check into the light therapy at UW. Thanks.</p>
<p>I’m sorry about your sister-in-law. Her sister will need counseling to get over such a traumatic loss, I would say. Was the sister in counseling or on antidepressants? Someone who is openly talking of suicide needs more help than from just a caring relative, however close.</p>
<p>I think winters in Seattle are quite difficult. There are long, long stretches of gray rain day after day. Sometimes you get very depressed without realizing that it is creeping up on you. Some years are worse than others. Last winter with the month of straight rainy days was bad. We are now trying to schedule a winter vacation to somewhere sunny in the winter each year, as part of coping with winter here. Maybe the sister could try that for this winter–something to look forward to?</p>
<p>There is more sun in the winter on the other side of the mountains in eastern WA. Maybe some weekend trips over there during the winter. </p>
<p>I suffered a traumatic family loss years ago and we took several trips in the year following that death. Looking back, that was a good thing to do.</p>
<p>I think couseling to help deal with a loss is usually a good idea. If she has a pre-existing issue with depression, she may also need medication and/or a light designed for people with seasonal affective disorders. I think moving to a new location is a bad idea – it could compound the problems by adding the stress of moving, new jobs, leaving friends and family. You may also suggest some dietary supplements, i.e. omega 3 fatty acids, which are supposed to help with mood disorders. I’m so sorry for your loss - my best wishes are with you.</p>
<p>there is so much more sun in Eastern Wa
( the snow is better too)
( costco sells the light boxes- I noticed that particular UW link is for students)
teh link isn’t working but this is the light
goLITE® P2 Portable
Light Therapy
Powered By BLUEWAVE®
$159.99
Item # 70230</p>
<p>My mom and I got the goLITE lamp and I think it helped my SAD. It can be very difficult around here in the winter when you go to school or work indoors–I’m at school from 7 AM to 3:30 PM, and that leaves very little outdoors time to get the sunlight in my eyes. </p>
<p>Winter in Seattle is very, very different from mid-August in the San Juans. (They’re gorgeous, aren’t they? :D) Winter in the San Juans, too, for that matter, is very different from, say, today. I know–I live there (and feel extremely fortunate for it). :p</p>
<p>Thanks for the kind replies. I think the situation has become worst than I thought. Here is the e-mail she sent to her sisters:</p>
<p>
</p>
<p>Here is my wife’s reply:</p>
<p>
</p>
<p>What prompted us to ask her if she is okay was her 6-year-old daughter’s two e-mails to her aunties over this past few days. She mentioned her mom cried every morning and at one time thought she was 10 years old. </p>
<ol>
<li>It’s normal for someone to still be grieving, crying and even feeling guilty months after a death. It’s also normal for a person to dream about a deceased relative or even to believe that they see the person in places like crowded malls. It is not helpful to tell someone to cheer up. Allowing them to express their sorrow can be very helpful. It’s important to realize that one can’t fix the grieving person’s pain, but listening to them and giving them a chance to vent without being judged can help them. </li>
</ol>
<p>Here’s info from a website that helps people with grief:
“The grief experienced after a sudden, unexpected death is different from anticipatory grief. Sudden, unexpected loss may overwhelm the coping abilities of a person which may result in the sense of feeling overwhelmed and/or unable to function normally. A person may not be able to realize the total impact of their loss. Even though one may be able to acknowledge the loss has occurred, the full impact of this loss may take much longer to fully comprehend than in the case of an expected loss.”</p>
<ol>
<li>It also can be helpful for a grieving person to see a counselor, particularly if their grief is making it difficult for them to handle their responsibilities.</li>
</ol>
<p>I hope someone is supporting her daughter and her spouse- since she doesn’t seem to be able to take care of them
It sounds like she hasn’t been seeing a therapist or Dr, I was wondering why, if she has had depression before.
A professional can be helpful,and can point toward more resources
Is she sleeping?
LOss of normal sleep patterns can make you really wonky- I know-
<a href=“http://www.griefwatch.com/links.htm[/url]”>http://www.griefwatch.com/links.htm</a>
more grief links</p>
<p>NSM, hmm… you point #1 is probably right. Maybe my wife got a little too worked up in her e-mail. I’ll relay the message.</p>
<p>Thanks for the links about coping with grief. She has been refusing to see a Dr. in the past. I think we need to be a little bit more forceful this time.</p>
<p>Cajundad: after the traumatic death in my family, I started therapy two weeks later. This was with a therapist I had seen during my divroce, so she knew me and my family situation well. It was very helpful to my recovery to get right into counseling and not let things get out of hand too much.</p>
<p>The first year after a sudden, out-of-sequence death like this is a nightmare for the family to live through. It takes a long time to work through. And not to be critical of your wife (in the email you quoted), but it isn’t at all helpful to tell a recently bereaved person to “cheer up.”</p>
<p>Some people with a “snap out of it attitude” are people who get kicked in the butt with grief long after the loss, and then it can be particularly difficult for them to cope because others have moved on. Such people also may have signs of grief that they themselves don’t recognize because the grief can express itself through feelings like anger. </p>
<p>Actually, your sister in law’s reaction to me seems to me more what would be expected after a very recent sudden death of a close relative.</p>