How to deal with my current job?

Parent Cafe
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<p>Not our PTA :frowning: Those of us who work call it the “stay at home parent association”. No evening or weekend opportunities, meeting are all at 8:30 on work days! So I am sympathetic to the OP on that one. </p>

<p>12 dr. appointments does seem excessive, if I were the boss I would be wondering if you REALLY had that many doctor appointments. Unless you had a specific medical condition and had come to me to discuss your need for extra leave time or something. In the first year of employment, that would make me suspicous as a boss, I have to admit. I have to say, that except for our pediatrician’s office (which in recent years has instituted some great evening and weekend hours), I find that doctors don’t usually have any off hour appointments, so you are stuck there unless you want to shop for a doctor based on their hours.</p>

<p>Gotta remember that in some of these government departments, these people have been working together for many years (ex-H has had the same boss in the same department for about 20 years). You are still really a newbie at the one year point, and are still earning your way toward flexibility if the boss will even offer it.</p>

<p>Author, I’d like to know what your backup plan would be if you lived in a city where you had no family. We definitely struggled with this when our kids were young and in day care, they caught a lot of stuff. You can’t just call a neighbor or something to stay with your kid when they are throwing up. We just took turns taking time off, and hoped we didn’t lose our jobs over it the years when our kids were sick a lot. Many employers now make it a lot easier; I can work remotely when I need to with my current client. Which gives me a lot of loyalty to my current client, I would hate to go back to working someplace as inflexible as the OP’s office now that I have had that opportunity. Wish it has been around when my kids were young and building their immune systems.</p>

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<p>Thank you all for your sharing your opinions about my situation.
I guess if I wanted I could pay someone to deal with my children for me, but that is not the way I want to raise my kids. I want to be part of my children’s life before they go off to college. Besides, I don’t know how i got in this situation that I need to see many docs. I need a teeth cleaning every three months, and need to see regular dentist and two other specialists. I know I need to have surgery for one of my teeth. I have back pain, shoulder pain (ligament problem), regular annual visit, my three children doc appts., etc., etc., so if I count all the doc appts that I need are 12. But it won’t happen. We’ll have to go without doc appointments until I get a new job. In this job, I’m not allowed to take any vacation time off until after one year of employment. </p>

<p>PTA is not a nice activity to do. At least not in the public school system that my children attent. The school district just changed how the system work. We got pretty bad schools. One disadvantage to be in public school is the inmense amount of politics involved. So if we parent don’t get organized and speak up, our children will be left with the worse of the worse. </p>

<p>I think the main reason of the inflexibility of this job is because i’m new -as intparent mentioned. My boss and other people have been working in the same department for 15+ years.
I believe I’ll have better luck if I go back to the industry where I used to work. I have many years of experience and don’t need to learn as much as I do now with this gov. job.</p>

<p>And, yes I’ll make it very clear when I’m negotiating my new job (hopefully) my need for flexible time. I’ll be willing to make less money for the opportunity to have flexible time. </p>

<p>The high unemployment rate scares me a bit. So maybe I’ll have to stay with this job longer than one year. I’m very competent, learn fast, do 150% of the work that others do, and meet every single deadline. So I really don’t understand how a boss could be so narrow minded. Again, any words of wisdom about how to deal with an unflexible boss would be really helpful.</p>

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<p>Anon, don’t let the high unemployment rate bother you too much. It only takes one offer for you to make a move, and if you have good experience in your field, it may not be that hard. As long as your work history is solid previous to this, it is okay to say to a new employer that you are not as happy as you had hoped to be in your new position, and you would like to get back into industry. One small blip of a one year stint isn’t usually a black mark, I don’t think. Heck, you can leverage it to display that you picked up some new skills, probably (take it from someone who has made a career of 3-12 month assignments!). I think women are often too hesitant to change jobs, start companies, etc. – if you need to make a change, go for it.</p>

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<p>Is there a chance for internal transfer? not every boss in government is like that. It is pretty secure once you pass the probation state, so if you can get an internal transfer why look elsewhere?</p>

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<p>Intparent, thanks for the encouragement. I"ve been reading the job listing online, and I don’t see that many opportunities, but there are some. As you said it, I only need one job. I’ll start asking people I know too. Oh well, my job history is not perfect. I have two or tree one year jobs history before. I have really good references so I hope it helps too.
Again, thanks for the comments. By the way, I think you’re self-employed? otherwise, how could you have 3 -12 months assignments? may I ask how did you make the switch to self-employment?</p>

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<p>artloversplus, yes I want to look for an internal transfer too. Job security in the government is great. I like that. I wonder if someone here works for the goverment and could tell me if after one year of employment I could expect some type of flexibility?
I also wonder if my boss will know that i’m looking for a transfer? it would make things worse.</p>

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<p>My DW works for State Government, it is pretty relexed and easy going. Nothing like what you have been experiencing. However, it was pretty intense at the probation level because you may let go at any time without a reason.</p>

<p>Internal transfer is no joke either, it is like find a new job, the only redeeming value is to keep every benefit you had.</p>

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<p>I still don’t see why you can’t get a bit more efficient on the doc appts by combining some - especially the kids going to the doc assuming they all see the same doc. The docs only actually see the patient for a couple of minutes in most cases so if the 3 had them back to back you’ve just reduced 3 appts to 1.</p>

<p>Teeth cleaning every 3 months is more than is normal unless you have lots of gum issues. Dentists sometimes seem more flexible on appt times than some other docs so check with the dentist for after/before hours and Saturday appts. Worst case, find another dentist who’s more flexible. For annual appts for the kids schedule them during one of the days the kids are off of school when you need to already figure out a way to attend to them.</p>

<p>The boss doesn’t care how many actual appts you have - just the apparent number of times you’ll be away from the job due to them (and probably also the amount of time). </p>

<p>I think most of us who responded who are managers have indicated that 12 is a high number of appts and most of us would find that irritating unless there was a real medical situation you already discussed. Work to reduce it but not at the expense of skipping seeing the docs.</p>

<p>

Any mom who works outside the home is going to need to compromise in this regard. Either you’re a full time SAHM who can do anything anytime with the kids or you’ll be compromising. What would you do when the kids are out of school during winter break, spring break, summer break, and the numerous other school holidays and meeting days - or are they older latch key kids?</p>

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<p>When my kids were young, I cut my hours to part time so that I could deal with appointments and frequent childhood illnesses. Now I’m back full time, and H and I switch off when the kids are sick. I actually take more of the stay home times, since my current position allows me to work from home if I need to.</p>

<p>It’s tough. When my kids were little, I was on thin ice at times with my employer because of absences. We had no family in the area.</p>

<p>I am not involved with my children’s school, I just don’t have the time. As it is, in order to get my older kids to their after school activities, I need to leave early some days and make up the time in the evenings or over the weekend.</p>

<p>And now I have an elderly mother that is seriously ill; I am taking off time for her too between visits to the rehab and doctors.</p>

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<p>artloverplus, exactly. That is what I see in this department i’m working now. People do not work much, and they are absent a lot. I"m a new employee so I think that’s the reason about my problem with time flexibility. Thanks for the heads up aobut transfering.'…</p>

<p>uscd-ucla-dad - i’ll been postponing all this doc for 8 months already so I’ll try another four months until I have one year employment and I have a new job…I really don’t want to quit before one year of employment.</p>

<p>martina99, part-time job would be ideal. However, it seems that part-time jobs are not the best ones one could find. A full-time jobs seem to be better, and I just need to find one which gives me time flexibility even if it’s a lower salary.</p>

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<p>Anon, I am not a CPA, I am a project manager, which makes my situation a bit different from yours. I made the transition about 10 years ago. I was a hiring manager in an IT department (after several years with a large consulting firm), and was interviewing project managers for contract positions. I kept seeing resumes that weren’t as good as mine, and we were paying a LOT of money for these people. Ended up engaging a woman for a contract who was part of a 2 person firm, and became friends with her. When I made a decision to leave my employer, she encouraged me to try independent contracting. I had good benefits through my H, so decided it was worth trying. I called a previous boss, who immediately hired me for a contract. I formed an S-corp, found an accountant and an attorney though other contractors I knew, and haven’t looked back. I have an extensive network of contacts due to my prior consulting experience, which has been a big asset in finding clients and assignments. </p>

<p>I also make extensive use of LinkedIn for professional networking with people I meet at every assignment I have, and keeping in touch with previous clients and associates (LinkedIn is a HUGE asset, as it keeps you in touch with people even as they move around to other jobs and companies). If you haven’t joined LinkedIn yet, you should do so and send invitations to connect to everyone you work with or have worked with in the past that you can find. Then when you are job hunting you can send the ones you want to work with private messages letting them know you are looking (you can post it for everyone to see, but you run the risk of someone in your current position seeing it if you are connected to any of them).</p>

<p>If you had asked me even a year before that if I would ever be in business on my own, I would have been terrified at the thought. Looking back, I can’t believe I waited so long.</p>

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<p>intparent, thanks a lot for your sharing your experience. For now the idea of self-employment/owing my own biz is in my mind; however, i’m not ready at this point in time.</p>

<p>I have a Linkedin account, but I haven’t used it much. Per you suggestion, I’ll start inviting more people and start using linkedln more…</p>

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<p>Anon, there are jobs you there… you just have to keep looking… and make sure you are up front about the flexibility. My job is very very very flexible - we started with 4 weeks paid time off per year right off the bat (prorated based on which month you were hired). We have one big bank of hours and you can use them for whatever you want - vacations, sick days, don’t feel like going to work days, doctor appointments, etc. I personally am now up to 6 weeks paid time off - I’ve taken three vacations already this year and I have one next week as well. Also, usually you can take off a day (or half a day) during the week and work the saturday to make it up. We can usually leave like a half hour or an hour early and make it up another day too, though that is up to the manager. You just need to keep your eyes posted for jobs that allow for things like that.</p>

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<p>Fendergirl, wow! You have my dream job. May I ask what type of work do u do?
I’ll start looking again, and this time I’ll make sure to tell future employers about job flex.</p>

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<p>I also think the advice about times scheduled etc. is important. I know over the decades the people that consistently schedule their doctor’s appointments in the middle of the morning and middle of the afternoon instead of first thing in the morning, over lunch hour or end of the day make other employees roll their eyeballs. Some of it might be your manager just trying to get you to be more thoughtful about how you schedule your time.</p>

<p>As far as the school that is a choice. Unfortunately you can’t go to every sports match, or afterschool or during school activity. It’s just a trade-off. I know that our district as gotten much more thoughtful about not having mommy and me stuff during the day with the lower elementary schools, it’s just not practical with the vast majority of moms in the workforce today. It’s not fair to the kids and it’s not fair to the parents. If your school isn’t “aware” then you can help in that regard if you feel like advocating for working moms…I know I did my share of “advocating” for the working mom LOL to stop some of these mid-day activities. Parent-teacher conferences are generally understood and accepted although almost every elementary school has evening appointments these days. The rest you just need to be thoughtful and pick one or two things that are the most meaningful to you and your kids.</p>

<p>Some of it is that you are relatively “new.” There are little priviledges that long-term employees get. They have “proven” themselves over time and tend to know the ebb and flow of the department. However, you’ve been there long enough to know if you are going to “fit” or not with this group so if you feel that it’s never going to jibe, then yes, you can look around for a group that they dynamics seem to match yours closer.</p>

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<p>Need more advice/feeback about this job. I’ve been there exactly one year now. Before giving an update, I want to clarify the 12 Doc appts since it seems that I didn’t explain myself very well. I have 12 dr. appts that I need to go; however, I haven’t been going to the doctor(s) for obvious reasons. I’ve taken some sick time off for my kids only, and only when my DH cannot take them. In summary, last year I only took 2 days for sick time and 3 days of vacation time.
Update-I didn’t have any formal complian from my boss. However, last week, the person who seats in front of me and is a good friend of my boss, started talking on the phone with someone. This person said that the big boss will be deadling with me. She mentioned that I take too many breaks during the day. I was thinking about it. And, the only breaks that I take is to go the bathroom often because I do drink a lot of water during the day. This situation doesn’t make sense to me. #1) If they want to get rid of me, why do they want me to purposely over hear that the big boss is going to deal with me? are they trying to scare me? #2) My boss told me that she selected me to work in the most complicated project. …Hmmm…does this make sense? anyone has any ideas what game this people are playing?
Anyhow, I’m looking for something better now. And, this time, I’ll make sure that the job offers flexible working hours. I’m not sure if I"m dreaming about that because the unemployment rate is still pretty high.</p>

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<p>Is she by any chance setting you up to fail?</p>

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<p>Congratulations on lasting one year. It does sound like your job is not working out well for you and I hope you find another that works out better. I have been fortunate to have some docs who will see us on weekends (none want early morning or late evening); have you been able to find any docs/dentists who will see you on weekends, early mornings or nights? That might give you more scheduling options. My husband always tries to have the last appointment in the day, so he can come home afterwards (he’s worked for his employer for over 40 years, so he has seniority, plus he generally works 10-12 hours/day and extra at home on weekends. He’s also a government employee.</p>

<p>Some workplaces are very tightknit and don’t readily accept new employees. Unfortunately, since you say the others have been there 15 years & you’re the new one, that may also be a factor at your workplace.</p>

<p>Good luck!</p>

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<p>This is an interesting thread. I’ve worked at a very large hospital system on and off for 20 years (in the corporate/administration/financial side). There are departments where the bosses are very inflexible about letting people take time off for doctors appts, school events, etc. Theses departments generally have very low employee satisfaction and the really good employees don’t usually stay very long, so that the departments are usually left with the ‘duds’ who * never * leave. These departments, because of their low work morale, aren’t well regarded in our system and they are generally considered hard to work with and to get quality work out of. Our hospital recently enacted both an employee and a peer satisfaction survey (meaning other department managers get to chime in). Managers in those areas where morale and the quality of the work is low are slowly getting the boot.</p>

<p>Over the last few years, the head honchos in our organization have made it clear that managers need to be flexible with their staff as much as possible. In my area, we have people working all sorts of schedules (some work 4 1/2 days a week, some work 7-4pm, some work 9-6pm, some work 4 ten hour days). This is because our CEO realizes that unhappy employees don’t do their best work…ever.</p>

<p>In other words, it does no one any good to micromanage every employee’s time down to the hour. Family should come first, things like doctors appointments, school events, taking an elderly parent to the doctor…those are just part of life and it’s not unreasonable for someone to take off time to attend to those things as long as they are able to get their work done. Really, who cares if someone comes in an hour earlier or stays an hour later to make up their time. This is obviously more difficult in certain types of work but those people know that going into those career fields. </p>

<p>In those areas where the managers are fine with being flexible, people tend to work harder because they appreciate the fact that they have some control over their time and have the ability to attend to family and personal needs as necessary. Professionals do not need someone to stand over them cracking the whip. They know what needs to be be done and do it (or they should). This is part of the reason that people who go to work for the government stop caring about their work. The bureaucratic way that employees are treated leads to very low morale and people start to feel entitled to not being very productive. And since they know it is more difficult to get fired, they figure they have nothing to lose.</p>

<p>People feel good about their work when they feel they have control over their time and their work environment and that they are being treated like adults.</p>

<p>AnonForThis - just get out asap. This is a toxic work environment that will never get better. Don’t waste any time trying to figure why they act they way they do. They are clearly threatened by you since you are willing to work hard. I don’t think 12 doctor’s appointments a year is unreasonable. Let’s add it up - you go to the dentist every 6 months (2), an annual physical (1), if you are a woman, a mammogram (1), some women choose to go to an ob-gyn in additional to their family doctor (1), an eye exam a year (1), you get sick a few times a year (2), kids get sick (2) - that’s 10 right there. So what, if once or twice a month you need to leave for a few hours. That really shouldn’t be a big deal but I would definitely ask a lot of questions about the corporate culture as you interview for your next job. Good luck.</p>

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<p>kitty56, I thought about it. The most complex project to the person with the least experience? they could be setting me up for failure, but how could I know?</p>